Bamboozle

Hit 5 years sober April 1st of this year. No fooling! I can't remember the last day in March 2009 that I stopped (it was near the end)....and April Fool's is easy to remember, so April 1, 2009 it is!

I wanted to write after 1 year sober, but told myself I didn't have have enough sober time. Said I'd post after year 2, then 3, then 4 and never did. Finally swore to post after 5 years, and I'm a few months late! Ah, procrastination, my forever friend. : )

I think I was waiting for a better state of mind before posting my story.

Depression drove me to drink and soon I became addicted. I drank heavily for 5 or 6 years. Towards the end of my career, I got scared. I wondered what my liver looked like. I read horror stories on the internet. I aquired heart palpitations that got worse when drunk...and didn't go away during the hours I wasn't actively drinking. I found SR and with it support and wisdom. I got the courage to try to change my life. I began seeing a therapist and got medical treatment for depression. With all this help I was able to quit drinking.

Now for the best part. Quitting drinking was awesome. Staying sober is fantastic. But the one thing I wanted more than that, more than anything else, was to have my good mental health back. These past 5 years have been more difficult than the time I spent drunk. Depression's a beast and it wanted to kill me. I went in and out of the abyss. Meds would stop working and at times I'd wonder why I bothered trying to keep on going. But go on I did. And I made it through this past entire winter without going into the abyss. I didn't have to take time off of work to make it through and most importantly, I didn't struggle AT ALL. About F'in time! Looks like my current therapist is a winner and the current meds (which I've been taking for a while) are doing me good.

I don't come around much now, but this place saved my life. Many thanks to the owners, the mods and countless posters sharing their struggles and support.

My motto of sorts is this: when I fall, get up and keep moving forward. No time for guilt or shame--I cut myself a break for being human and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Setbacks happen, but they don't determine destiny.

If you're struggling, you've come to a great place. I remember the fear when I first considered quitting the drink. I didn't know how I'd live without it, but here I am, LIVING without it. One less piece of crap in my life. You CAN quit, you CAN do it, and don't let anyone, most of all yourself, tell you that you can't. Keep moving forward.

Much love, SR.