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|03-15-2012, 02:09 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2011
Theatredork - My story
Hi, my name is Theatredork and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also a theatre dork, but that's beside the point.
My story began with a fantastic childhood. I have great parents, an awesome sister... I was a good, smart kid with a lot of hobbies. I was definitely socially awkward, but overall I can't complain.
I started drinking when I was 17 or 18. It wasn't a lot then - basically I went to college and experienced the "normal stuff..." occasionally drinking in a dorm room with friends, whatever we could get (I distinctly remember Popov vodka and Hot Damn). I never just drank one - it was always binging - but I think that's common in college. It wasn't until I turned 21 that I really started drinking on my own. I got a bunch of liquor for that birthday and I even remember my ex boyfriend being surprised by how fast I drank it.
Oh, yeah, the ex boyfriend. We dated for almost 8 years, from the age of 16 to 24. He was very oppressive, made a lot of disparaging remarks - I tried to escape a lot, sometimes (often) through drinking. I didn't know how to get out. At the time he was threatening suicide, I was completely codependent so I felt trapped and stuck in this self-hatred letting him walk all over me, etc. There were a couple of times that I blacked out and I guess said horrible things about how I didn't love him and all of that (all true). I also moved into my own apartment and started hiding wine everywhere, running to my parents' liquor cabinet when visiting and downing whatever I could before they came back in the room, drinking beer in the car... More than once I woke up in my apartment with a fifth-of-vodka bottle that had maybe 2 shots left in it. So eventually I promised I would stop drinking and I did, for about 10 months (I was 23). All by myself (no help). But then we broke up (thank God) and I dated someone new - he broke up with me after a few months and I went off the deep end a little, super depressed, got very skinny, started hanging out with people that I worked with (I worked in a restaurant, so we all went out to the bar all the time).
Then I started dating my current boyfriend. He's great. We had fun together. We would get 2 bottle of wine - he would drink two glasses and I drank the rest. He would drink a beer and a half, I got 3 martinis, a glass of wine, a nice pour of Bailey's and a stop at the liquor store on the way home. It wasn't enough for me, so I started buying and hiding wine again. I eventually quit my old restaurant job and got a job working midnights in a holemess shelter. I started drinking during the day to get to sleep and eventually started bringing alcohol to work too. So then I got a job at a wine bar and the drinking escalated. I was drinking every day by then, started drinking behind the bar (I was bartending), ended up drunk at work a few times, slept through a shift, and got fired one day when they smelled alcohol on my breath again.
I was devastated. For the next 6 months I sat on my couch, drank wine, slept, ate pizza, drank more wine, slept some more... eventually I was somehow able to land a "real" desk job and the drinking got bvetter. I quit a couple of times again - one whole Lent, a few months here and there.
Then I turned 30 and started drinking again after my most recent quit attempt (never getting any help). A few months later I found out my sister was pregnant with my first nephew and something clicked - I realized I needed help. So I sought out treatment for depression, which turned into seeing a substance abuse counselor because of the drinking, which turned into going to an intensive outpatient treatment program and AA. My first day sober was 3/15/11. I got a sponsor, started working the steps and a year later I'm still sober.
I'm not perfect - I don't have a sponsor right now and I've been dragging my feet on getting a new one. But I can say that my life is 100% better - mroe than 100%. I'm so glad I don't have to play the game of hiding alcohol, rotating liquor stores, pretending I'm not drunk, feeling sick all of the time... Sober Recovery helps me too - I come here when I'm at work and I need help to get through a day.
So thank you to everyone who contributes to the boards - you've helped me and you didn't even know. Thank you.
|The Following 53 Users Say Thank You to theatredork For This Useful Post:|| |
alcohore (03-27-2012), anwa (05-16-2012), aud07 (04-10-2012), auden67 (05-31-2012), aussieblue (03-26-2012), bepresent (04-01-2013), brendajean (04-26-2012), CarolD (03-17-2012), catmilkyo (05-12-2012), Dee74 (03-15-2012), dhan (06-05-2012), dickensen (07-03-2012), doodoodoo (05-10-2012), DowntownNYC (03-23-2012), eire (03-31-2012), elderine (09-30-2012), Engel (05-13-2012), faceitandfixit (04-22-2012), Ghostly (03-19-2012), GnarlyWoman (06-07-2013), instant (05-09-2012), jackworthing (04-30-2012), JayceeL (11-02-2012), JMFburns (03-16-2012), joyousone (06-16-2013), karilynn27 (06-11-2012), kittycat3 (04-28-2012), Knudsen (09-12-2012), ladybug34 (05-06-2012), LaPrisonier (03-15-2013), least (03-16-2012), Live (04-15-2012), LoftyIdeals (04-30-2012), lookinforward (03-21-2012), LSC1 (08-21-2012), mirage (05-16-2012), Mo S (03-17-2012), Muunray (03-20-2012), PaperDolls (03-15-2012), RevivingOphelia (06-02-2012), rosecity2012 (08-15-2012), sarah1414 (03-16-2012), Sassa (05-26-2012), scared1 (04-02-2012), seanie1888 (04-19-2012), SIPD (01-09-2013), Soberjourney04 (12-03-2012), Soberween (04-29-2012), sojourner (05-03-2012), tallcactus (03-18-2012), Veritas1 (04-05-2012), whattheheck (04-08-2012), wow04 (05-18-2012)
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