Theatredork - My story

[theatredork]

Hi, my name is Theatredork and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also a theatre dork, but that's beside the point.

My story began with a fantastic childhood. I have great parents, an awesome sister... I was a good, smart kid with a lot of hobbies. I was definitely socially awkward, but overall I can't complain.

I started drinking when I was 17 or 18. It wasn't a lot then - basically I went to college and experienced the "normal stuff..." occasionally drinking in a dorm room with friends, whatever we could get (I distinctly remember Popov vodka and Hot Damn). I never just drank one - it was always binging - but I think that's common in college. It wasn't until I turned 21 that I really started drinking on my own. I got a bunch of liquor for that birthday and I even remember my ex boyfriend being surprised by how fast I drank it.

Oh, yeah, the ex boyfriend. We dated for almost 8 years, from the age of 16 to 24. He was very oppressive, made a lot of disparaging remarks - I tried to escape a lot, sometimes (often) through drinking. I didn't know how to get out. At the time he was threatening suicide, I was completely codependent so I felt trapped and stuck in this self-hatred letting him walk all over me, etc. There were a couple of times that I blacked out and I guess said horrible things about how I didn't love him and all of that (all true). I also moved into my own apartment and started hiding wine everywhere, running to my parents' liquor cabinet when visiting and downing whatever I could before they came back in the room, drinking beer in the car... More than once I woke up in my apartment with a fifth-of-vodka bottle that had maybe 2 shots left in it. So eventually I promised I would stop drinking and I did, for about 10 months (I was 23). All by myself (no help). But then we broke up (thank God) and I dated someone new - he broke up with me after a few months and I went off the deep end a little, super depressed, got very skinny, started hanging out with people that I worked with (I worked in a restaurant, so we all went out to the bar all the time).

Then I started dating my current boyfriend. He's great. We had fun together. We would get 2 bottle of wine - he would drink two glasses and I drank the rest. He would drink a beer and a half, I got 3 martinis, a glass of wine, a nice pour of Bailey's and a stop at the liquor store on the way home. It wasn't enough for me, so I started buying and hiding wine again. I eventually quit my old restaurant job and got a job working midnights in a holemess shelter. I started drinking during the day to get to sleep and eventually started bringing alcohol to work too. So then I got a job at a wine bar and the drinking escalated. I was drinking every day by then, started drinking behind the bar (I was bartending), ended up drunk at work a few times, slept through a shift, and got fired one day when they smelled alcohol on my breath again.

I was devastated. For the next 6 months I sat on my couch, drank wine, slept, ate pizza, drank more wine, slept some more... eventually I was somehow able to land a "real" desk job and the drinking got bvetter. I quit a couple of times again - one whole Lent, a few months here and there.

Then I turned 30 and started drinking again after my most recent quit attempt (never getting any help). A few months later I found out my sister was pregnant with my first nephew and something clicked - I realized I needed help. So I sought out treatment for depression, which turned into seeing a substance abuse counselor because of the drinking, which turned into going to an intensive outpatient treatment program and AA. My first day sober was 3/15/11. I got a sponsor, started working the steps and a year later I'm still sober.

I'm not perfect - I don't have a sponsor right now and I've been dragging my feet on getting a new one. But I can say that my life is 100% better - mroe than 100%. I'm so glad I don't have to play the game of hiding alcohol, rotating liquor stores, pretending I'm not drunk, feeling sick all of the time... Sober Recovery helps me too - I come here when I'm at work and I need help to get through a day.

So thank you to everyone who contributes to the boards - you've helped me and you didn't even know. Thank you.