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|02-02-2012, 03:07 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: San Antonio, Ibiza
I've been sober for more than 13 years and that's an awful lot of days ( members of a certain club will recognise the 'days' bit). If anyone ever asks me when I had my last drink I can honestly say, I don't know. For how was I to know it would indeed be my last – especially with my track record.
I do however remember my first drink. I was eleven when my parents gave me my first taste, a glass of champaign and I loved it.
I need not go into any of the sordid details of my drinking years – it serves no purpose other than to identify with others who have done the same. We've all, well most of us, been there, done that and earned the T shirt.
In fact, I doubt that there is a stunt that an alcoholic could pull that I wouldn't recognise as one of my own. This is not about were I was in my drinking years. It's about recovery. A journey from the very depths of addiction and despair to creating the life I love to live.
When did my attempts at recovery first start? Well in a round about, half hearted, lip service sort of way, more years ago than I care to remember, with visits to a day center. Then I progressed to a home detox through an outreach scheme, followed some time later by a suicide attempt and a short stay in a mental institution. Then came a residential stay in a rehab unit, AA and another home detox. I had tried ( I know now that 'trying' means never succeeding) all sorts of tactics to stay dry only to fall at the 6 week hurdle – more than once. I even fell into the 12 month ditch - once.
Each attempt was never, consciously, taken in a half hearted manner. I wanted to be sober for my son, my husband, my family, my job, my home, my life – all excellent reasons to kick the habit. Just not the right ones. I hadn't discovered that the reason had to be for ME. No other.
I just wasn't getting it – I was truly stuck on the wheel. I still couldn't imagine a single day without my 'medicine' alcohol. Yes I had lots of 'dry outs', but getting dry isn't getting sober. That's what I didn't get – the difference between the two.
It took me years to discover that getting sober was a process. A process of steps leading to self discovery and ultimately to a completely happy, fulfilling new way of living and being.
For me the journey took a long, winding road and the results have been well worth it. I now create, what some would call, 'magic' in my life.
Life now has changed for me, beyond all recognition. No longer one of depression, being constantly broke, wondering where the next meal would come from and living on a run down council estate in the North of England. Now, it's one of contentment and living the dream.
My dream, on the little Mediterranean isle of Ibiza. The old ways of living and being are done with – forever. I have indeed recovered, against all the odds. I am happy, at peace with myself and free to create the life I love. Now I can choose to greet each day with ' Good morning God' rather than my old bemoaning way of ' Oh God it's morning'
There really is life after detox and it can be great. NEVER GIVE UP.
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