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|09-21-2010, 04:48 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2010
My Life and Death
My dad kept a bottle of Canadian Mist in the upper cabinet in the kitchen.
Every night I would watch him throw back a shot. I used to call it "letting out the devil"
One sunny, Saturday morning,while mom and dad were were working in the yard, I climbed up on a chair, got the bottle, steadied myself, and did what I had been seeing my dad do night after night. I was 8 years old and I let out the devil.
I felt the burning and the nausea--but felt like I had been told a secret that only adults were suppose to know. I was very proud of myself.
Oh how that would change!!!
Fast forward to my teens. I experimented with everything that would make me feel "normal" or at least numb me. I got through high school and even college without remembering a damn thing. Alcohol ended up being my "pet". I had to feed it and care for it and in return it took away my humanity.
I was a hurricane that would rip people's lives apart and not look back.
I soon found myself in jails, treatment centers, homeless, and in emergency rooms, and ended up on disability. I met the same kind of people all of you did--may have even met you! I did all the same demeaning and destructive things. I even drank myself to death one night--but got spit back out into this Hell when a passer by noticed I wasn't breathing.
After decades of this waking, walking death I ended up in an abusive relationship. Now, I had two monsters trying to kill me. Ten years we battled the bottle and each other. Then one day I got the news that my sister was dying. I hadn't seen her in 25 years. She ran away from home when I was a child. Instead of reaching for the Canadian mist she left, and she made a good life for herself. I wanted to be by her side during this ordeal, but couldn't get out of bed except to get another drink.
So I knocked on God's door. Had nothing left to try...
I told Him that I was ready to do ANYTHING to leave this "life". Would He hep me? And He did!!
I went through the pain of withdrawal--DT's and hallucinations (even tried to jump out of a window because I thought my cat had told me to). I lived through it all. I sobered up to be there for my sister and tell her I loved her and held her hand while she died. I threw out the abuser and got a decent job. And for the first time in 35 years I learned how to pay my own bills, have sober friends and live a peaceful life. That was 13 years ago.
There have been many terrible times, sure, but sobriety has given me a light to show my way through the darkness. I can see Hope and Love in my life and it comes from within me!!!
What happened to me was a miracle from God--my HP. What I went through has made me what I am Now. At the time it seemed like a worthless life, turned out to be a gift I can share with other people. I don't/can't look back at those years as a waste. I can't even regret having this disease because of how I have learned to use it. I pray everyday, I share everyday and I laugh A LOT. Most importantly I will never forget WHERE I came from and HOW I got here today. Thanks for listening
"The Man Takes the Drink; the Drink Takes A Drink; Then the Drink Takes the Man"
Last edited by CarolD; 09-21-2010 at 06:12 AM. Reason: Corrected Title per SR guideline
|The Following 51 Users Say Thank You to Bellasprogram For This Useful Post:|| |
ainsley1 (12-22-2011), Ainslie (09-24-2010), aussieblue (11-21-2011), Babyblue (09-29-2010), Bamboozle (10-19-2010), BBD (09-29-2010), bettterlife4me (12-03-2010), c49 (09-26-2010), CAPTAINZING2000 (09-30-2010), CarolD (09-21-2010), chicory (10-27-2010), Critica76 (11-15-2012), Dee74 (09-21-2010), dickensen (10-10-2011), Draciack (09-21-2010), eire (10-04-2010), ellenM (11-05-2011), EnufisEnuf (05-31-2011), FetaCheese (08-01-2011), findingt (09-21-2010), firestorm090 (09-25-2010), foodie1 (07-25-2012), Harry01854 (09-22-2010), jamdls (10-28-2010), JMFburns (09-28-2010), jwk3964 (09-25-2010), Kmber2010 (10-09-2010), LaFemme (10-17-2010), least (10-18-2010), LexieCat (09-22-2010), lildawg (10-19-2010), lovinmenow (01-19-2013), LSC1 (08-28-2012), Mark75 (09-22-2010), MaryAnn100 (09-29-2010), msmom (10-06-2010), NeedHappiness (10-15-2010), oak (09-24-2010), Opivotal (10-26-2010), Reubena (10-05-2010), Rusty Zipper (10-13-2010), SoberforME (10-09-2010), Soberjourney04 (12-07-2012), soberluv (10-25-2010), sojourner (09-27-2010), SteppingItUp (10-13-2010), tallcactus (09-21-2010), Toronto68 (10-18-2010), ulverston (07-19-2011), Vi0let (07-06-2011), WakeUp (10-24-2010)
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