Beloved's Story

[Beloved]

Hey , this is the important parts of my story ,that keeps me humble. I can remeber in the days of child-hood , wanting 2 feel love, and affection from family memebers mostly my parents.Something that I hardly ever received as a child In my house-hold ,I can't say that I remeber getting huggs or hearing that I was loved , or even feeling important in the family . my mom was a single parent rising 7 children on her own so she didn't have much time 2 spend at home . She had 2 meet the needs of the family shelter, food ,clothing etc. as a child I always felt along and not wanted. one time my mom told me that she wanted 2 after my birth leave me in the hospital and someone else came 2 get me , as a child 2 have my mom tell me that it was very hurtful , and I THOUGHT that it was because of me that times were so hard being that extra mouth 2 feed. so early on I had very low-self esteem, which carryed on into adult-hood.my first experience with drugs was the liquid one beer , my father was a problem drinker, and herion addict.I used 2 drink the half empty beers when dad wasn't lookin in a (nod) if u know what I mean . I didn't like the taste , but I did like the way the room would spin . that started a trouble cycle of using that was in the late 60's as time went on I tryed other things uppers, downers and in betweens I also tryed sniffing rush ,and glue ,acid.weed, pills . and it was for the most part fun, just 4 kicks and 2 escape my feelings temporarily that is I dropped-out in my senior year. teenage mom took a job in a Bar at age 19 that's were my addiction took flight and I met some people making good, fast , and a lot of money how COCAINE so I wanted in I was already addicted 2 the life-style so selling drugs was right up my alley but I could cop so I was bet alot out of my money u know .so I cut out the middle-man and started 2 handle my on stuff. and 2 ensure myself that the product was on the up in up I personlly sampled myself. guess what I was hooked , and from that point on I crossed the line of damm-nation .began 2 live 2 us and us 2 live by then a 2nd child was born, and I still didn't have a clue about parenting.I was using my oun supply and it just got worse the obession, & conplusion was 2 much 2 handle I had lost control That's when I knew the drug abuse then became the disease of addiction. after going in and out of treatment the disease picked-up were it always left-off I began 2 do things Ididn't want 2 do go places I didn't want 2 go , and I always stayed longer than I ever wanted 2 stay the pain out-weighed the pleasure , and I was dying a slow , but sure death I lost everything that I had in my miserable life I was a slave in my own mind ,I had been bet down by the enermy and realized the fight was fixed. and that I was totally going insane. So by this time (DCFS) had entered in my life , a devine intervention , That 2 day I can say they saved my life GOD did 4 me what Icould not do 4 myself . 4 the last time treatment was my option ,or death by this time a 3rd child .I was confused , and afraid I didn't know how 2 live with-out the us of drugs But I know that IwasNOW ready 2 seek help , and I cryed out 2 the GOD of my understanding 2 save me from bondage of self . there is were my desire 2 live came from me coming out of those condemed buildings full of rats, roaches,and undesirable people like myself .I Thank God 4 saving my life and giving back something that I had lost , and that was a choice .So I began 2 make 12 step meetings I got a sponsor began 2 work the steps and do service work which almost 5yrs later I still do the program works and is in the book give yorself a chance ,get a power greater than yourself surrender let go and let God there's no substitute 4 the truth either it is or it isn't the truth of the matter is that I'm powerless over my addiction , and I have some acceptance about that fact 2 day ,I (NEVER EVER HAVE 2 US AGAIN IN LIFE ) 1 day at a time. I could go on but it's getting late , and I'M responsiable 2 day 2 get-up on time 2 get my daughter off 2 school . 4 anyone newer than myself stick and stay it's not easy by it's worth-it GOD BLESS.