McGowdog - My Story

[McGowdog]

I don't know how to condense my story when I'm telling it, or when I'm writing it...yet. I need to work on it, I know. I starts off with too much back story and once it get rolling on, I get to the basics. From the group I came from, we DO talk about what it was like a lot and we talk about booze. I'd like to think I've got a pretty good understanding of the steps as we do them yearly. I made some crazy amends this last time and will be doing the work again in a couple of months... God willing.

So sorry it's so long, here goes;

My Story

The first time I quit drinking, I was 10 years old. I’d seen my mom and dad drinking some Blackberry Brandy around Christmas time when I was 5. The evening was warm and cozy… smelled like Christmas tree. They were dancing in the living room and I saw this purple stuff. I asked if I could have a sip. “Just a sip.” The sip sent warmth down to my toes and shot back up to my hair. It tasted good, powerful.

There were times when the older brothers or even mom and dad would let me have a beer or a glass of champagne. At 8 or so, my friend’s older bro would buy us a couple of quarts of Miller High Life to share between the 3 of us. I would swear that beer doesn’t get you drunk. I’d drink most of my share of that and don’t remember a buzz… but we liked the taste. Anybody remember near beer or apple beer? Drank that as a novelty. My other friend had parents who were I guess… social drinkers. They had this huge bottle of Galliano Liqueur and we’d sneak some from time to time. One day he told me his mom and dad had let him have a sip of Irish Whiskey the night before. Later that day after school, to his house we went. All I remember was opening bottle tops and chugging down as much whiskey as I could swallow. I think we chugged for about 10 minutes. We left there and I went on a buzz that must have lasted a good hour… before it started to go dark. Later that night, my dad saw me come to. He said he’d pulled a stunt like that at about my age too. I said, “Enough for me.”

When we moved to Colorado and got the opportunity, I’d drink a beer if I got the opportunity. At 12, I learned that you can get very drunk on beer, and sick… if you drink a bunch and quickly. Not too many opportunities to drink booze as a kid, except for a beer here and there. I was 14 going into high school and that summer we went to a pig roast and I remember riding my 125 Honda Elsinore out there. We messed around until the adults went inside and somebody stole a bottle. They were passing it around and when it came to me, I took this big ole’ chug. They were kind of cheering me on. Later, someone had poured a bunch into a two-liter Mountain Dew bottle and I chugged that down. I went dark and don’t remember till the next morning. The drama; I went up to some lady and told her I’d never kissed a girl before, she obliged and they said 3 guys had to pull me off of her. My friend Eric was “shadow boxing” with me and they said I punched him square in the nose. Somebody drove us both home to my parents and I woke up hangin’ pretty bad.

The next summer, my older bro took me to a biker party. This is where I was doing double shots with the guys and remember chugging a bottle and lights out. Later that night, my bro and wife were crying because I was so out of it. My hands and feet were blue because I had a pulse of about 40, my physics/First Aid teacher said. He was also an EMT. He gave me a stern warning about my drinking then.

Blackouts were common when we partied as Juniors and Seniors in high school. This one time, we went to town to go roller skating and I decided to not drink that night. I met a gal and we dated for a while. I stayed sober for my Senior Prom because I took my friend’s younger sister to the Prom, was a gentleman, and got her home by 2:00am. Then went back to the party in the park and made a goal with a friend’s older brother to drink every night until graduation. And that I did.

Moved up to Denver to go to College and dropped 3 of my 4 classes. During Christmas break, went to a party where we played a game called Passout. Don’t remember much until I took my friends home. They said stay the night, but I tried to drive home. Wrecked and sent to detox. After 5 days of treatment, decided to take a girl from the treatment center out and we dated for 4 months. She went back to drinking and I stayed sober. I did all the weed and acid and sometimes coke I could get my hands on. Eventually drank again and 2 weeks later, wrecked my Nova and the cop drove me to Adams County jail. I felt like pounded whale $#!#. I told the cop to not call anybody. Somehow, my bro and uncle Ken came to pick me up. I went home to my parent’s basement…age of 19… and just didn’t want to breathe.

Eventually, got back on my feet and would continue to struggle with booze. Would quit, start again, never could drink like a gentleman. After I’d turned 21, I landed a part time job while struggling through college and met some girl at the bar. She told me I drank too much, so I quit. She went home with another guy anyway and I said screw it. Kept going to the bar, playing pool, and drinking soda. Then this gal who knew me came up and introduced me to her friend. We talked the night away and I got a second date. That turned into a party scene, I blacked out and woke in the morning, apologized to her before I went off to work and she told me, “Can you come back tonight?” I said, “What?”

I married her and about we bought a house and just drank hard and steady for about 8 years. Had a DUI charge that my lawyer beat, but they sent me to alcohol classes and A.A. I went and got sober for about 20 months, she left me, and I drank. Two bad blackout drunks back to back, and back to A.A. Met up with some guys who did steps and gave it a shot. Turned into almost 3 years without a drink and I was in a strong Denver group.

Took a job where I’d be traveling a lot, got away from A.A. for a bit, a drink came my way and I took it. Bad blackout drinking with no control and I was hiding my drinking from my wife and family. I tried to go back into A.A. and not raise my hand. Eventually I drank again and tore a hotel apart and landed in jail. Called my wife and she called my A.A. friend. Wound up back in a meeting and a treatment center stint. Sobered up for a bit and lost my job. Didn’t drink, but took another traveling job. Got away from my group and drank. Hid it from my wife and hid out from A.A. until I had a real blowout. Got into a serious discussion with father-in-law and sister-in-law. Back to a couple of A.A. meetings and drunk again. Working for my brother, traveling a bunch and hiding my drinking. Had a bad blowout, lost my cell phone and made it back home to Colorado after a month working in Southern California. My wife didn’t seem to know I’d been drinking. I was coming home one night and wanted to get drunk, but didn’t know where to hide out. I wanted to drink, but I didn’t want to face the music. I was just beat. I had no resolve, hated my life, my job… I decided to call Eric. Asked him if they still had that Monday Night meeting with Gary. He invited me to join them and I saw Gary. I did not want to face Gary… again. Told Gary, “I need help.”

He said, “We can help you. Do you think you have a problem with booze?”

I said, “Yes.”

Gary said, “Do you want to quit for good and all?”

I said, “Yes.”

He said, “Get in. Get writing. Be done in 21 days. It’s up to you, Bud. Either you’re gonna do this stuff or you’re not.”

So I did.