My Story

[Signal30]

Changing me, changed my life
I have been on this site for awhile now, so I guess it's time for me to tell you my brief story.

Alcoholism was only a symptom of my disease. Believe it or not, I can thank alcohol for one reason. It was the alcohol that gave me the problem to find the solution to take care of the problems with me!!! I was born an alcoholic, but did not start drinking until later in my life. I was always depressed, had no self confidence, and had a feeling of hopelessness that almost killed me. I did family therapy sessions and medications as a child, but still felt empty and frustrated. As I got older some problems were solved by simply growing up, but the main underlying problems still remained. I started to drink in my late 20's, and day by day my consumption got worse. I started drinking as a way to cope and medicate myself to numb the pain. As my life started getting better, again the same underlying problems were still there. Even though it appeared my life was taking a turn for the best, my compulsion to drink was still there, and taking a turn for the worse.

At the height of my drinking I knew I was an alcoholic, but I didn't want to tell anyone. If I was to tell someone then I would feel that I was expected to stop. As much physical, mental, and emotional damage alcohol was causing me, I was too selfish to want to stop. I even felt obligated to drink, a sick mind indeed.

The day I finally confessed that I had a problem with alcohol and that I need help, the recovery began. The next day I went to my first AA meeting and the seed was planted. That day was May 30, 2006. It was hard at first, but as I progressed through the program I began learning and growing. By following the steps, working with my sponsor, and going to meetings I learned that there was a solution to my problems and AA had tools to fix them. I established a relationship with God like I have never before. Living with God in my life worked for me when I decided to live by Gods will. I learned that the root of all my problems was me, and I was never going to solve them without Gods help. The only thing I needed to do was finally give God all the emotions that plagued me. I started to listen than follow directions. I learned that proactive and constructive action for good gave me serenity, and that self-seeking reactive emotions were always negative. I finally learned that nothing was going to change in my life until I changed first! I may not be able to change the things in my life I don't like. But I can change my attitude towards them. By accepting things I cannot change, and focusing on my attitude towards them, those things I do not like seem less and less of a concern.

Living by Gods will and helping others are the keys to unlock the door to emotional sobriety. To me emotional sobriety is my Holy Grail. As long as I continue to do my absolute best, I will keep my serenity and emotional sobriety. God is our father and we are his children, the only thing we have to do is recognize him by opening our hearts to him. God will do the rest!


Tom