Here it is...the second step.

[mefirst]

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time? My concept of a Higher Power is God.

What would it take to allow my concept of my Higher Power to change? I am not sure that I could allow myself to believe in anything else other than God.

Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how? No I don’t think so. I think that I have given up God cause I somehow think I can do it better on my own. That is how I got here and I don’t seem to be in a very good place right now.

What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself? Serenity, Guidance, Understanding, Answers

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How? I do but I fight it but I really don’t know why.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon? I don’t think I have “found” the higher power in Al-Anon but have just let Him back into my life.

What does “Let Go and Let God” mean to me? Give God the wheel and let Him drive.

What does faith mean to me? Faith is trust in something that you can’t see but you know is there. For me faith in God is as easy as breathing. All you have to do is look around each day to see all the miraculous things that God has given us. Life is so beautiful all around we just need to open our eyes and take it in.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences? You know it varies. Even though I believe in God and I have faith. I don’t know my Bible enough and am sometimes uncomfortable talking about God with people who are non believers because I don’t feel the need or want to defend my faith toother people.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself? I might gain myself.

What does “came to believe” mean to me? For me I guess it means opening up to God and just turning stuff over to Him. I mean my life is so out of control I would not even know where to begin or what to do first. I have to turn it over to Him because I am completely lost right now.

What does sanity mean to me? Healthy interactions with other people.

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life? I find myself just a complete mess. I second guess things that I used to be confident about. Once I knew I could do anything alone but now I am not so sure. I am sad and angry and lonely. I am way in over my head financially.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? I never thought about it. I don’t think I have.

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? I actually questioned myself in my head if drinking more than 12 beers a day was normal? I felt like I could fix it if…I thought he would stop if he loved me. I find myself trying to stay two steps ahead of him. I obsess over alcohol.

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not? I pray to God and just ask him to please help me. I need to get better at this. I also need to figure out how to hear God.

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing? I could one on one with a sponsor, I don’t have one yet. I don’t think I could yet in a meeting. I feel a little shy in them like my opinion doesn’t matter and isn’t going to help anyone.

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results? When I try to lose weight I don’t follow the program and then act surprised when I don’t lose weight. When I pretend that I have a good marriage when in fact I don’t even have a relationship really with my alcoholic we lead separate lives under one roof. I am married and he is single. He doesn’t cheat with a person but he puts everything before me and our family and spends maybe a half hour with us total per week. It is just sad.