hard one for me

[fourmaggie]

well, my HP is a hard one...

I feel riped off when he took my husband away from me...I think he was called to soon....

that took along time for me to get HERE...

I am slowly coming around, and now feel powerful when I think of my husband is *looking* out for me....

I am not angry anymore...and this too is a process....

[Ann]

How hard that time must have been for you, I'm glad you could work through it and grow.

I had been mad at God a long time too, Maggie, but by the time I reached Step 2 I knew that I needed to connect again and perhaps embrace a kinder, gentler God of my understanding.

All step 2 asked of me is that I come to "believe" that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I could see that something had worked for others, somehow they had found peace and serenity, so I decided to believe that I could find it too.

I had to ponder this step for some time, and really "believe" it, before I was ready to move on.

I started attending church. For me, it was several churches because I needed to get past church doctrine and just feel the presence of God when I sat there.

One day while sitting in a Catholic church (I am protestant), alone with my thoughts and the quiet atmosphere of peace, it was as if I could "feel" the presence of God all around me.

I said a prayer and asked God to be patient with me, that I was trying hard to connect. And that very moment, as I said the prayer, I "knew" that my prayer was heard. Can't explain it, but it very well may have been my first "spiritual awakening" and I felt in my heart that I was now ready to believe with all my heart.

[fourmaggie]

i totally am getting "it", realized i can be angry at god for taking my husband so soon, and now I am letting that go now, and letting god....its been very hard...been 8 years of hard to let this go...but now....i surrender and letting him in....

[CatsPajamas]

((( maggie)))

It was important for me to learn that "letting Go and letting God: didn't mean I was letting go of the person or that I loved him any less. For me, the letting go part meant that I was finally admitting to myself that I wasn't in control of some things, and to let God handle the stuff that wasn't mine to handle or understand in the first place.

Hugs to you
Cats

[fourmaggie]

^^^ that was the hard part....grieving it all and missing him at the same time...I understand that now, and slowly brushing my knees, as a i stand up tall...and moving one step at a time....

[johndelko408]

I felt the same exact way when my sister passed away. For the longest time I turned my back on God and refused to believe in him. It wasn't until I got into the rooms that I reestablished my relationship with him. God is tough though, he has his plan and we have to accept and live with it. That's just life. I no longer blame God for the things and elements in my life that I'm not happy about. He has his plan and everything happen for a reason. Though sometimes I find myself questioning why certain things in my life are the way they are, and I have to remind myself that this is a test of my faith in God to trust in him to lead me in the right direction.

[hope2be]

Originally Posted by Ann

All step 2 asked of me is that I come to "believe" that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. I could see that something had worked for others, somehow they had found peace and serenity, so I decided to believe that I could find it too.

I was stuck on this step because as I have discovered, being raised in an alcoholic environment and marrying into the same had left me feeling as though God had abandoned me.
However, putting it in this manner..."just believing" allows me to take the baby steps I need.

Thanks Ann for bringing this to forefront for me