Chapter One: Bill's Story

[nandm]

What does the story of a man in the 1930's have to do with me? I'm nothing like this fellow and his situation is different than mine. How will reading about Bill's experiences help me?

Bill's Story illustrates the progression of alcholism in a person's life. Bill's story is actually our story, to see this all we have to do is take a closer look. Initially we have fun and are exhilarated when we drink, (1:3, 3:12-16) however, it begins to take a progressively more important role in our life (3:17). We adjust our activites to allow for more drinking (3:21-25). Although we can see our drinking is beginning to interfere with our lives we feel that we are still in control (5:7). The trouble our drinking causes gets worse and we start taking actions in an attempt to regain control (5:8), quit or cut down (5:19-21), we switch drinks or brands, and try swearing off drinking time and time again with the utmost sincerity (5:15-21, 5:30-6:6). When we repeatedly fail despite our best eforts our hope of recovery is destroyed (7:22-8:11). Bill, in his story, tells us how it was for him, how he found the solution and what his life was like after applying the solution.

Bill's alcoholism progressed much the same as it does for all alcoholics. What happened for Bill is that an old friend approached him with a solution to the drinking problem (9:31). It was hard for Bill to accept the solution at first as his prejudices hindered him (10:18-19). However, he saw that even though his old friend had once been just as powerless over alcohol as himiself, he had obviously recovered (11:8-12:2). His friend suggested a new way of looking at the spiritual solution that answered all Bill's objections. His friend suggested, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?" (12:20) Bill became willing to believe that a Power greater than himself could restore him to sanity (12:20-21). The application of the principles presented in this book produced in Bill a spiritual awakening (13:5-14:8). He next describes how he began to carry this solution to other alcoholics (14:19-20). Bill ends his story with a message of hope for all of us suffering from alcoholism---there is a solution.

All of the personal stories in this book are an attempt to help us identify with the authors. Hopefull, after reading Bill's Story we can say to ourselves "I'm very much like Bill. My alcohol use has followed a similiar pattern. I have also tried many ways to control my drinking with simlar results. Perhaps the program of action that Bill followed will work for me also."

[nandm]

Beginnings: Like us, Bill's family admonitions and the warnings he recieved were ignored. Like us, Bill believed that good intentions and high potential were enough to ensure a happy useful life.

Progression: It works for different people for different lengths of time. In alcohollics it always becomes the focus of our lives and at some point we cross the line into chronic alcoholism.

Attempts at Control: We try everything at our disposal to control our drinking and to manage our lives, all for naught. Slowly or quickly things get worse. We try harder and harder until we fall so low that we are beyond human aid.

Alcoholic Destruction: We are seemingly hopeless. Faced with deteriorating health and mind we are living only to drink and at this rate we won't last long. Astonishingly we still cling to the insane belief that we can control our drinking.

The Solution: When we admit, to our innermost selves, that human resources have failed to solve our problem, we become willing to try this solution that has worked for millions of people.

[nandm]

1895-1971

Born in Vermont, Bill was raised primarily by his maternal grandparents after his parents' divorce. Commissioned as an artillery officer in World War I, Bill developed his talent for leadership, and a taste for liquor.

After the war Bill resolved to prove to the world he was important. He pursued success on Wall Street. His drinking grew progressively more troublesome, leading to unhappy scenes at home and arguments with friends. Devastated by the 1929 stock market crash Bill worked in Canada for a time, until his drinking cost him his job.

Bill progressed through the characteristic stages of alcoholims. Bath tub gin, three or four bottles a day, brought Bill to the brink of mental and physical collapse. Realizing that his drinking was preventing him from reaching his goal of success, Bill resolved to stop altogether and foudn that he could not. He was baffled as to why he could not stop drinking even though he desperately wanted to. He began to be caught up in the endless cycle of drinking to relieve sever withdrawal symptoms which quickly made matters worse.

Bill checked in to the Charles B. Towns. Hospital, to be treated for alcohol addiction. Here he learned of Dr. Silkworth's allergy theory taht explained why his will power could not control his drinking. Bill thought that his knowledge would enable him to remain abstinate. Suffering from the common alcoholic delusion that a lengthy dry spell would enable him to control his drinking. Bill began to drink again. Further trips to the hospital and Dr. Silkworth's assessment of his condition convinced Bill that he was in a hopeless state.

In this condition Bill was visited by an old friend, Ebby T. This friend about to be committed for alcoholic hijinks, was rescued by Rowland H. and Cebra G., members of the Oxford Group, a Christian fellowship. Rowland had been diagnosed as an incurable alcoholic by Dr. Carl Jung, the famous psychiatrist. Rowland had found that the Oxford Group offered a solution, a course of action that resulted in a spiritual awakening of sufficient force to overcome alcoholism. Rowland had given Ebby instruction in the basic principles of the Oxford Group and Ebby had contracted Billfor the purpose of sharing this with his old drinking buddy.

Bill, faced with alcoholic destruction, was willing to set aside his prejudice toward spiritual matters after Ebby suggested that he could choose his own conception of God. Bill entered the hospital and was dried out for the last time. While in the hospital Bill was visited by his friend who helped him to understand and begin to practice spiritual principles. When Bill fully accepted these principles he experienced a sudden and profound spiritual awakening. The date was December 11, 1935. Bill was 39 years old.

Bill began to associate with the Oxford Group members at Calvary Church in New York. This was headed by the Reverend Samuel Shoemaker, an Episcopal clergyman. Rev. Shoemaker and other Oxford Group members instruced Bill in the application of spiritual principles. Bill, desiring to share his experience with other alcoholics, was unsuccessful in his earliest attempts. Though Bill had not yet had success in sobering up other people he found that his attempts to help others did keep him sober! Dr. Silkworth helped Bill by suggesting that he first present the "hard medical facts" to his alcoholic prospects so that they might understand the hopelessness of their situation and then be more willing to accept the spiritual solution he had to offer.

It was with this advice in midn that Bill, six months sober, alone in Akcron, Ohio on a business trip, and facing the temptation to drink, found another drunk to talk to. This drunk was Dr. Bob S., an alcoholic surgeon. Bill's candid talk with Dr. Bob about the physcial allergy, mental obsession, and spiritual solution to alcoholism led shortly thereafter to Dr. Bob abandoning all reservations and adopting this way of life. Dr. Bob's sobriety date was June 10, 1935. He was 55 years old. This date is celebrated as the birthdate of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Bill stayed with Dr. Bob and his wife Anne for three months during which time Bill and Bob were successful at helping several other men to achieve sobriety. Bill returned to New York and his wife Lois began builiding upon the success of his Akron experience. By 1939 nearly 100 people had adopted this way of life and the New York, Akron, and Cleveland alcoholics had severed ties with the Oxford Group. Writing the book Alcoholics Anonymous these people took it's name for their fellowship.

Bill and Dr. Bob, along with the Alcoholic Foundation they helped to form, directed the growth of the fellowship. Seeing every imaginable difficulty encountered by groups around the U.S. Bill formulated a number of ideas to ensure the survival and continued growth of A.A. He proposed the fellowship adoped these ideas as traditions. At the 1950 Internations Convention, held in Cleveland, Ohio, the Twelve Traditions were confirmed.

Bill wrote several other books for the fellwoship including: Alcoholic ANonymous Comes of Age, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, and As Bill Sees It. Bill also wrote a paper on alcoholism that was printed in the American Journal of Psychiatry. Bill spent the remainder of his life working in his office at A.A. headquarters and devoted himself to helping A.A. carry the message of recovery around the world.

[sugErspun]

Should be noted that Bill was drunk when he was approached by Ebby....

You often hear "I won't work with wet alcoholics" - thank God Ebby didn't feel that way.

[bonsai12]

The Big Book says that Bill sat drinking in his kitchen. While thinking about his concealed gin, Bills musing was interrupted by Ebby's telephone call. Although it doesn’t say they met that afternoon it would appear they did.

You did however raise an eyebrow I normally won’t talk to someone who has been drinking. After reading your post if I get calls from someone who is drinking I think I'll listen to a few. As the book says a spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved. After reading this I do believe telling someone not to call me when drunk is just showing intolerance or hatred of drinking as an institution.

I still have to take into consideration that if someone won’t work with me then I need to seek someone else out remembering that if I leave that person alone he might become convinced he cannot recover on his own.

Thank-you sugErspun

[sugErspun]

I was listening to a workshop on CD the other day, and the speaker (Don P) was talking about Ebby approaching Bill when he was drinking and the "Why don't you choose your own conception of God" and "Who are you to say there is no God" experience that Bill had ("God's impact on me was sudden and profound")

It clearly says that Bill offered Ebby a drink, and he would not have any. I think it is safe to assume that Bill was having one himself. As the next part states "At the hospital I was separated from Alcohol for the last time" - the common practice to submit prospects to the Doctor to dry out. I think it is safe to assume that Ebby convinced Bill to go to the hospital - as he visited him there.

Maybe someone here knows the history better than myself...

I think wet drunks need to be talked to - we pass them off to detox and rehabs. Maybe their heads need to be cleared (as the book suggests) before putting a program before them, but I think 'hope' can reach anyone, in any state.

Thanks for your consideration.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by nandm

What does the story of a man in the 1930's have to do with me? I'm nothing like this fellow and his situation is different than mine. How will reading about Bill's experiences help me?

Bill's Story illustrates the progression of alcholism in a person's life. Bill's story is actually our story, to see this all we have to do is take a closer look. Initially we have fun and are exhilarated when we drink, (1:3, 3:12-16) however, it begins to take a progressively more important role in our life (3:17). We adjust our activites to allow for more drinking (3:21-25). Although we can see our drinking is beginning to interfere with our lives we feel that we are still in control (5:7). The trouble our drinking causes gets worse and we start taking actions in an attempt to regain control (5:8), quit or cut down (5:19-21), we switch drinks or brands, and try swearing off drinking time and time again with the utmost sincerity (5:15-21, 5:30-6:6). When we repeatedly fail despite our best eforts our hope of recovery is destroyed (7:22-8:11). Bill, in his story, tells us how it was for him, how he found the solution and what his life was like after applying the solution.

Bill's alcoholism progressed much the same as it does for all alcoholics. What happened for Bill is that an old friend approached him with a solution to the drinking problem (9:31). It was hard for Bill to accept the solution at first as his prejudices hindered him (10:18-19). However, he saw that even though his old friend had once been just as powerless over alcohol as himiself, he had obviously recovered (11:8-12:2). His friend suggested a new way of looking at the spiritual solution that answered all Bill's objections. His friend suggested, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?" (12:20) Bill became willing to believe that a Power greater than himself could restore him to sanity (12:20-21). The application of the principles presented in this book produced in Bill a spiritual awakening (13:5-14:8). He next describes how he began to carry this solution to other alcoholics (14:19-20). Bill ends his story with a message of hope for all of us suffering from alcoholism---there is a solution.

All of the personal stories in this book are an attempt to help us identify with the authors. Hopefull, after reading Bill's Story we can say to ourselves "I'm very much like Bill. My alcohol use has followed a similiar pattern. I have also tried many ways to control my drinking with simlar results. Perhaps the program of action that Bill followed will work for me also."

Read the first eight pages of Bill's Story. Pray to set aside the differences and ask God to show you what you need to see.

Highlight or underline everything you can identify with as to how Bill thought, felt, and drank. This is to answer a question on p.17, ch.2.

On p.17 turn this statement into a question: "We know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill." Am I just as hopeless as Bill? If I am there is hope-"....Nearly all have recovered, they have solved the drink problem." If I am not at that place of hopelessness, there is no hope that I can recover.
Jim

[bonsai12]

Is this a big book study discussion? I mean is this how I start with a Big Book Study or is this how you take someone through the 12 steps. Someone mentioned at last nights meeting that he had gone to a bunch of these meetings I was curious if this was what I have to do to get started..

[nandm]

Originally Posted by bonsai12

Is this a big book study discussion? I mean is this how I start with a Big Book Study or is this how you take someone through the 12 steps. Someone mentioned at last nights meeting that he had gone to a bunch of these meetings I was curious if this was what I have to do to get started..

It is a Big Book discussion, feel free to respond the original post with any comments, questions, etc.... regarding it. I have posted threads that are an introduction to each chapter of the Big Book in the first 164 pages to get discussions off the ground.

I would love to hear your thoughts. I think you will find that there are some people here who have a really good understanding of the Big Book.

[sugErspun]

Well..my home group is pretty book oriented. Meaning this - most of the people who are there have been sponsored the same way - I will offer my experience as I will finish the formal part of work with my sponsor next week.

We meet on a regular basis..start on the title page of the book and read (very slowly at times). He tells me certain passages to turn into questions (exactly like Jimhere pointed out above), tells me certain passages to underline. I ask questions and he answer them - we talk about what we read. He points out where all the subtle 'prayers' and 'promises' are (anytime is says "We ask God" - is a prayer for instance). When the book says to do something, we do it (inventory, amends, prayers and so forth). Since he (my sponsor) is recovered, he guides me through the book...that is just how it goes, and how he went through it, and those who came before him. I am not to read anything that we have not gone through together (even though I have read the book many times in the past) - this is a restricion I put on myself (to stay in the book only as far as I have been taken w/him, sitting together). The program finally (After 7 years) started to make a little sense. I have never been told "Go read page xxx and we will talk about it next week"

We read the book out loud together - that is the single most important part of his being my sponsor (so far). He shares his time and experience - anything else (friendship or whatever) is just icing. How Jimhere described reading Bill's Story, underlining where I drank, thought or felt like Bill and then using the statement on page 17 as a question for myself is exactly how I was taken through that portion of the book.

There are some pretty good CD sets out there which are very book based - usually referred to as workshops. Take a look on xa-speakers.org - I happen to really like Don P workshop in Slidell La. right now, but there is also Joe H. who is more particular about what page number they are on and what step it refers to etc...

Let me know what you think. I know a couple of people who were 'not happy' with "Fellowship and Fear AA" they had in their area - so they went back to the book and started their own workshops, meetings or year-long meetings...they seem to be working out quite well.

[bonsai12]

Well so far I do have to say that for whatever reason this thread took me to a story in the back of the Big Book that described pill and heroin addiction. I’m still in shock I’ve heard 100’s of announcements at meetings asking me to confine my discussion to the problem of alcohol. Some good stuff, I just never know what I’m going to find or in this case find out…

I’m going to look for the speakers you discussed; I did see Joe and Charlie but will see if I can find Don P and Joe H. Thanks again…

[Emimily]

my first sponsor and i went through bill's story and pulled out all twelve steps. the second time i read it was the first time i related at all. now i feel like we might've been pals back in the day.

the big book study i go to sounds a lot like sugErspun's. it's a great group.

[nandm]

I was browsing SR and found they have a gift shop that carries speaker tapes. I remember seeing a Joe and Charley one so you might check there for the other ones you are interested in. I found their prices comparable to what I have paid for them in the past at other places.

I think that many in AA believe in a singleness of purpose and that is to help the acloholic who still suffers. That is why they tend to prefer that when someone speaks they keep the main focus on alcoholism rather than addiction.

Personally it does not bother me to hear someone telling their story in an AA meeting and speaking about their drug use as it is part of their story. I do start to lose interest though when they focus on the drug end as alcohol was my problem, drugs only interferred with my drinking so I stayed away from them. That is why I go to AA to deal with my alcoholism, if drugs were my problem then I would go to NA. But I realize that many people have cross addictions so that is why people with drug problems may attend an AA meeting. That is why it does not bother me when they add it to their story as long as they keep their main focus on the alcoholism.

[bonsai12]

I think that many in AA believe in a singleness of purpose and that is to help the alcoholic who still suffers. I would have to agree with you because I am one of those people.

My sponsor always kept me focused on the insanity of the disease, the mental obsession coupled with the physical compulsion. That’s really the nuts and bolts of what’s really going on, bottles were but a symbol. There were many times when I told myself drugs weren’t going to burn me, that I could just have one. Still I completely headed out of control just like I did with alcohol. Yes the high or the method of consumption might be different but the destruction of spirit, love, and life were very much the same?

When I was 20 the third addition of the Big Book was out in full force however I couldn’t mention drugs but the story on heroin remained unspoken. I won’t let that happen to a 20 year old that comes into the rooms today. At 20 it was easier for me to cop drugs then it was to get booze.

I would hope that people like you would get to know people like me so when that 20 year old comes into AA with a drug history you could send him my way.

As far as NA I love the key chains do they have those in the gift shop?

[nandm]

Yes, they do in fact. To get there go to the top of your screen and click on HOME which is on the left hand side. Then you should be able to find the gift shop from there. I found a lot of neat stuff in it now if I could just come up with the money to buy them.

[bonsai12]

Well thats awsome thanks

[Aa_vark]

Originally Posted by bonsai12

The Big Book says that Bill sat drinking in his kitchen. While thinking about his concealed gin, Bills musing was interrupted by Ebby's telephone call. Although it doesn’t say they met that afternoon it would appear they did.

"he was sober...rumor has it that he was committed for alcoholic insanity. I wondered how he had escaped. Of course he would have dinner then i could drink openly with him. Unmindful of his welfare, i thought only of recapturing the spirit of other days...his coming was an oasis in this dreary desert of futility. The very thing- an oasis!"

another occasion to do what an alcoholic loves to do, drink permissively... self-centerdly, unmindful of the welfare of his old friend... Delusional - trying to recapture some old"spirit". A great occassion for drinking. a cure for HIS dreary futility... at the expense of his sober friends sanity...

[bonsai12]

Oh, I read this page and that page, this chapter and that chapter, but I had never read the entire book from cover to cover.

I was fascinated to discover Dr. Bob discussing sedatives on pages 176 and 177; the "gentleman" using barbiturates on page 217; the "lady" using sedatives on page 304; the "teenager" with pills and marijuana on page 354; the "alcoholic and drug addict" on page 418; the "doctor, alcoholic, and addict" who mentions Benzedrine, tranquilizers, Demerol, codeine, Percodan, Pentothal, and sleeping pills on pages 442 through 443; the "prisoner" who used "other drugs" on page 457; and the "belle of the bar" who discusses her heroin use on page 480.

It's amazing what a little reading can do. In the 4th edition they did leave two of these stories untouched but I'm interested in what the rest of the 4th edition has to say, good reading. Keep a secret from an alcoholic put it in the Big Book. Sure wish I would have looked at this 20 years ago but why regret the past life is good today.

[nandm]

4

I forgot the strong warnings and the prejudices of my people concerning drink.

Forgetting the warnings we receive both from others and from our experience is a common problem of alcoholics. We suffer from the vanity of thinking we know better than others.

6

I was very lonely and again turned to alcohol.

Turning to alcohol is an unsuccessful method of combating loneliness, although most of us have used this at one time or another. The pain of loneliness is intensified by fear of doing what needs to be done. When lonely, we need to reach out to others and seek companionship or to look for another who might need our company. These are successful methods of dealing with loneliness. Anesthetizing the pain of loneliness with alcohol is a sign of problem drinking.

13

"Here lies a Hampshire Grenadier
Who caught his death
Drinking cold small beer.
A good soldier is ne're forgot
Whether he dieth by musket
Or by pot."

Ominous warning ---which I failed to heed.

The "ominous warning" in this doggerel is that alcohol is every bit as lethal as a bullet. Examples of ominous warnings that some of us have failed to heed may be the death of people we know in alcohol related accidents or the abject misery we observe in the lives of those who are addicted to alcohol. Are we so unique that these things could not possibly happen?

*NOTE:
The quote came from the Tombstone of Thomas Fletcher, 1738-1764.
The actual headstone reads the following:

Here sleeps in peace a Hampshire Grenadier,
Who caught his death by drinking cold small Beer.
Soldiers be wise from his untimely fall
And when ye're hot drink Strong or none at all.
An honest soldier never is forgot.
Whether he die by musket or by pot.

15-16

I fancied myself a leader, for had not the men of my battery given me a special token of appreciation? My talent for leadership, I imagined, would place me at the head of vast enterprises which I would manage with utmost assurance.

Do we believe that our personal potential and talents place us outside of harm's way? We never set out to be alcoholics. We never planned on our lives becoming so full of misery. What good are potential, talent, and good intentions in preventing alcoholism? How well did they work in bringing about a happy useful life for us?

Big dreams and big plans are a common characteristic of alcoholics. Many of us lack a clear understanding of who and what we really are. We seem to be unable to accurately guage our capabilities and limitation. Our lack of humility leads us to frustration. Now we find that the development of humility is a remedy to our problems.



Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
a companion to the Big Book
By Frank D.

[nandm]

2-3

The drive for success was on. I'd prove to the world I was important.

Bill shows the unmanageability of our lives. We are unaware of the forces driving us (62:4). We believe that life run on self-will can be successful (60:16). It does not occur to us that our view of life may be flawed (61:17) or what the results will be of a life run on self-will (37:17, 12&12). We are blind to our need for more than human power (45:3). As we find this Power, our reliance on achievement, possessions, and position as the basis of our self-worth, will be replaced with a sense of real usefulness and purpose.

Does what other people think of us make us important or give us greater worth? Our own attempts at making ourselves feel important fail. Our worth as humans comes from God, not our possessions or position. Believing that we have no worth other than our abilities, possessions, or position, makes us feel that we must prove to others how important we are. Our judging of the worth of others by these criteria is equally shallow, misguided, hurtful and harmful.


10-11

Though my drinking was not yet continuous, it disturbed my wife. We had long talks when I would still her forebodings by telling her that men of genius conceived their best projects when drunk; that the most majectic constructions of philosophic thought were so derived.

The people around us may notice our unusual drinking habits before we recognize them ourselves. We rationalize our behavior with all manner of inane excuses.


14

Business and financial leaders were my heroes.

Who are the people we try to emulate? Are they telivision or movie actors, or perhaps sports figures? Have we considered attempting to model our lives after people of good character, people who have devoted their lives to helping others, forsaking fortune and fame, peole who make a real contribution to life?



2:19-3:2

I failed to persuade my broker friends to send me out looking over factories and managements, but my wife and I decided to go anyway. I had developed a theory that most people lost money in stocks through ignorance of markets. I discovered many reasons later on.

We gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle, the sidecar stuffed with tent, blankets, change of clothes, and three huge volumes of financial reference service. Our friends though a lunacy commission should be appointed. Perhaps they were right.

Blinded by self-will we ignore the wise counsel of others. Obstinacy is a common trait of alcoholics.



Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
a companion to the Big Book
By Frank D.

[bonsai12]

Why the emphasis on Bills Story?

[nandm]

3-16

I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little moeny, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capitol. That was the last honest manual labor on my part for many a day. We covered the whole eastern US in a year. At the end of it, my reports to Wall Street procured me a position there and the use of a large expense account. The exercise of an option brought in more money, leaving us with a profit of several thousand dollars for that year.

For the next few years fortune thre money and applause my way. I had arrived. My judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper millions. The great boom of the late twenties was seething and swelling. Drink was taking an important and exhilarating part in my life. There was loud talk in the jazz places uptown. Everyone spent in thousands and chatted in millions. Scoffers could scoff and be damned. I made a host of fair weathered friends.

For a time things go well, life works for us, and we experience little difficulty due to our drinking. Alcoholism progresses at different rates for different people, but it follows a general pattern that we can compare to our own experiences.

Drinking begins to become a central part of an alcoholic's life. We tend to favor activities that facilitate drinking while avoiding those that do not. We may stop associating with those hwo do not drink as we do. Soon we may wind up drinking alone.

Drinking with others is fun. We thought everyone was drinking as much as we were. The truth is that wew were probably putting in more shifts at the bar than others, but we did not miss them as there was always a new group to drink with. We met many people who were fun to drink with and we thought they were our friends. But, when we have trouble where are they? Drinking proves not to be a stable basis for lasting friendship.

17-19

My drinking assumed more serious proportions, continuing all day and almost every night. The remonstrances of my friends terminated in a row and I became a lone wolf. There were many unhappy scenes in our sumptuous apartment.

Our drinking always get worse over time, never better. When people protest that we are drinking too much, we look for new friends who will not interfere with our drinking. We eventually wind up with people whom we used to look down upon or feel sorry for and whom we would never have considered associating with in the beginning.

Our drinking begins to cause serious troubles at home. Our judgment is clouded and our behavior erratic. Whiel we are drunk we say and do things we later regret. Our hangovers cause interference with our family life and we are restless and irritable until we can drink again.


21-25

In 1929 I contracted golf fever. We went at once to the country, my wife to applaud while I started to overtake Walter Hagen. Liquor caught up with me much faster that I came up behind Walter. I began to be jittery in the morning.

Golf permitted drinking every day and every night.

Drinking may begin to affect us physically. We may experience tremors, weight loss, liver damage or nutritional deficits. Some people begin to fail more slowly than others, but drinking will eventually ruin anyone's health who abuses it.

We begin to adjust our activities to thoe that permit drinking. We lose interest in all other activities. We are impatient with any activity that does not allow drinking and wish it to end so that once again, we can drink.


Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
a companion to the Big Book
By Frank. D

[nandm]

Originally Posted by bonsai12

Why the emphasis on Bills Story?

No emphasis on his story in particular. If you look at the AA step study threads you will find reference to every chapter in the Big Book including the forward.

[nandm]

3

The local banker watched me whirl fat cheeks in and out of his till with amused skepticism.

How does having large amounts of money work at controlling alcoholism? We think we are successful at life if we have many possessions. Why doesn't having these things fix us or make us happy? Why do we think that satisfaction of our desires will lead to fulfillment in life?


23

But drinking caught up with me again and my generous friend had to let me go.

Has drinking cost us jobs like it did Bill? Some of us have lost many jobs due to our drinking, while others have never lost anything. We ask for help only when we admit we are beaten. Different people recognize that alcohol has them defeated at different stages of the illness. Unfortunately, many of us have been slow to see the truth.


25-27

We went to live with my wife's parents. I found a job; then lost it as a resulf of a brawl with a taxi driver. Mercifully, no one could guess that I was to have no real employment for five years, or hardly draw a sober breath.

Unable to take care of ourselves, we become dependent upon others. We are able to manage our own lives for shorter and shorter periods of time.

We are not the only ones harmed by our alcoholism, our loved ones also begin to suffer.



Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
A companion to the Big Book
By Frank D.

[nandm]

2

Liquor ceased to be a luxury; it became a necessity.

At some point in our drinking we cross the line into alcoholism. We develop a mental obsession causing us to desire alcohol above all else. When this is present with the phenomenon of craving we are in a seemingly hopeless situation.

5

This went on endlessly, and I began to waken very early in the morning shaking violently.

The shakes are a symptom of withdrawl from alcohol. Drinking to stop the shakes merely worsens our condition. The severity of our withdrawl symptoms progresses along with our alcoholism. Medical supervision is advisable if you are experiencing withdrawl symptoms. Withdrawl from alcohol addictions can be life threatening.

7-8

Neverthelss, I still thought I could control the situation, and there were periods of sobriety which renewed my wife's hope.

Gradually things got worse.

We think that we will be able to quit when we want to. The truth is that alcohol affects our thinking. We think we are in control even when repeated attempts to moderate or quit drinking have failed. Believing that we are in control in the face of repeated proof that we are not is a sign of insanity.

Alcoholism is progressive. If we continue drinking, we only get get worse. We can never return to the days when drinking was fun and under our control.


13

Then I was on a prodigious bender, and that chance vanished.

It seemed that we are unable to refrain from drinking no matter how much we want to, need to or ought to. We begin to drink when things are going well. We begin to drink when things are going poorly. Sometimes we begin to drink for no reason at all. Once we begin, the phenomenon of craving causes us to lose control of the amount we drink

14-19

I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises, but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business. And so I did.

Sometimes in a moment of clarity or a period of remorse we realize that we cannot control our liquor consumption once we begin drinking. The first resource we may attempt to use is our own will-power. We resolve to quit drinking.

HISTORICAL NOTE:
5:18 Bill penned many promises to stop drinking in his family bible. (see page 86 "Pass it ON)

5:20-6:7

Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been my high resolve? I simply didn't know. It hadn't even come to mind. Someone had pushed a drink my way, and I had taken it. Was I crazy? I began to wonder, for such an appalling lack of perspective seemed near being just that.

Renewing my resolve, I tried again. Some time passed and confidence began to be replaced with cocksureness. I could laugh at the gin mills. Now I had what it takes! One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. In no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened. As the whiskey rose to my head I told myself I would manage better next time, but I might as well get good and drunk then. As I did.

The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable.

Finding that resolve is ineffective in overcoming a drinking problem we, of course try it again even harder. We are under the delusion that our own internal strength is the only power that we have to draw upon. After repeatedly failiing to prevent our drinking, we begin to doubt that we will ever recover. We begin to lose hope.

Bill, willpower having failed him twice now, insanely believes that it will be more effective "next time." It is not until we cease to rely exclusively upon our own willpower and turn to a Power greater than ourselves that we find the strength to quit once and for all.



Source:
The Annotated AA Handbook
a companion to the Big Book
By Frank D.