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|05-27-2012, 10:12 AM||#1 (permalink)|
My Journey, Step 6
When I first started these Steps I thought: "Oh...this is good. I answer all the questions and I will learn what to do. It's not like that. The answers to the questions only give me sign posts to help me on this journey to recovery. Sometimes I lose track of the sign posts, get lost, and have to start over with previous steps to get back where I need to be.
The value is in the process. Every day I read the experiences of those who have walked my path already. Every day I re-read some of my answers to the Step Study questions. Every day I find a little corner of peace where I can curl up and rest. These steps are like rest stops on the freeway of life. When the journey gets to difficult, I pull into a rest stop. Once there I can talk to other travelers, look at the scenery, get a cup of coffee......and answer a few questions about the driver.
Have I completed working the first five Steps to the best of my ability? Am I willing to go back and look at them if I feel overwhelmed in working this Step?
Oh yes....I have found that going back is necessary to help me move forward.
What have I learned from my sponsor or another Al Anon friend on how they worked Step Six?
I have not gone to Al-Anon yet.
As a result of working Step Five, am I grateful that there is a Step Six to work?
Yes...because I understand this is a lifelong process.
Do I clearly understand the concept of readiness?
I'm working on it.
How do I know if I am ready?
I wouldn't be here if I wasn't
If I am not entirely ready, how might I turn these fears over to the God of my understanding?
Keep going back to the previous steps and keep reading to learn more. Keep working on letting go.
What fears block me from being entirely ready?
Can I ask God for the willingness to be ready?
In what ways do I trust the God of my understanding in working this Step?
I have to; I can't do this myself.
Am I willing to let go of all of my defects of character? Why or why not?
Yes...to not let go destines me to a life of despair....and I don't want to go back into that hole.
Which ones would I prefer to hold onto? What advantages do I see to holding on to them?
Not sure about this question yet. I'll come back to it.
This is the point where Al-Anon and a sponsor would be helpful. It's also where living so far out in the boonies is both an asset and a liability. No excuses. I just need to get the books or study guides to help me learn more. I have found more resources and will settle in for a while and do some more reading.
You know...there would have been a time where "being stuck" in the learning process like I am now would bother me. Oddly enough, this doesn't bother me....it actually makes me smile. As I heard once: "Keep coming back, it works"
|The Following User Says Thank You to Spes For This Useful Post:|| |
|05-29-2012, 10:41 AM||#2 (permalink)|
The remaining questions assume I am going to Al-Anon meetings. I have learned here that the meetings are helpful but not necessary. I do go to counseling and I do have medicine available when needed. Thankfully, I am more afraid of the medicine than I am of how I feel when I don't take them. Each day I am learning more.
I have gone from participating in the forum to just reading them. For me, I learn more by listening rather than talking. There are so many people here that I cannot be so arrogant as to think that my voice is necessary.
Do I make demands on God, praying for a specific result rather than trusting God to know which defect is most important to remove?
I think that is what all this is about. Where all this goes will be determined by factors I don't have control over. In my situation, I am physically safe and financially stable; her alcoholism threatens neither. I could have more money if it wasn't spent on alcohol and it's problems but I can pay the rent and eat. I have been agonizing my assumptions about my wedding vows and my personal moral responsibility to my wife...alcoholism notwithstanding. I wrote about that in a blog where I am at a crossroads. I can't have my cake and eat it too. Either I leave to create a peaceful environment to live out my days, or I stay and create a peaceful environment within myself.
To do the latter means I must embrace the idea of "Let Go and Let God" I thought loving detachment was giving up. It is...but not giving up on her but rather giving up the control and giving it to my higher power.
|05-30-2012, 02:49 PM||#3 (permalink)|
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-out-here.html (Loving detachment; help me out here)
Well....there it is. LaTeeDa asks a very valid question and I don't have an answer. Hopefully, at the end of this 12 step study, I get the answer because I do not wish to consider the alternative. Loving detachment is necessary for my sanity but I am not willing to let her die alone. I'd like to think that loving detachment and marriage are not mustually exclusive but I also respect the experiences of LaTeeDa and others who have already walked my path. I fear the worst is not here yet.
|06-01-2012, 04:02 PM||#4 (permalink)|
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.
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