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|09-24-2010, 10:03 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Blog Entries: 3
Who has expressed concern about my behavior?
Not one person and that was an eye opener after I began working on myself.
I have very healthy friends and later realized I never shared my personal angst with them. Subconsciously I knew what I was doing was not healthy. Instead I gravitated towards others with major codie behaviors for validation.
Thankfully I started therapy again, and ironically I couldn't tolerate others trying to tell me what to do, how to be, all the shoulds. I wanted and needed all the air time. That selfish need has been part of saving my life.
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
|09-25-2010, 11:48 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
I always used humor to deal with my crazy life. I used to have a group of girlfriends who got together once a month for dinner. They couldn't wait for the latest chapter in my ongoing saga. I had an audience, and I knew how to work the story so it was interesting, funny, scary, humorous, and always had a happy ending, more or less. I left big parts out, obviously - the terror we felt when my bipolar ex was on a downslide and was incredibly mean, and the engulfing loneliness I felt in my marriage and in my home.
Later, when I got into recovery and starting working on things, my time with those friends changed. I was more quiet when we got together, I spent more time listening to what was going on in their lives. Years later I learned that they thought I was making a lot of stuff up ... they couldn't comprehend how or WHY anyone would live like that.
I still see humor in things a lot, but it's not a denial or cover up mechanism like it used to be. And I have good recovery friends who know my life and love me, warts and all. Today I know it's healthy for me to have at least one person outside my home to whom I am accountable for my actions and with whom I can discuss my honest feelings.
Again, I'm reminded how much I've grown from doing this step work. I promise you, it works if you work it!
What other people think of me is really none of my business!
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