One more question about Amend

[Patk]

Hi Everyone,

I have written before about an amend I need to make with someone when I return to Canada next week. It is a financial, about $350 I owed someone from 1994, roughly $500 in 2011. My question is that I owe the money to both the guy and his wife. His wife and he helped me out a lot as I was living overseas and they took care of my affairs (banking, mail, storage of stuff, student loan payments), and it was especially his wife, a lawyer, had offered to be my "power of attorney," which helped me a lot...

Is it Ok to call the guy (husband) since it was he I first knew first as a friend and later got to know his wife, and make the amend and pay the $ back? Or do I need to see his wife in a separate Step 9 amend visit? Or is this something the guy might say when I ask, "what else do I have to do to make things right?"

Pat

[Tommyh]

can you meet with both of them at one time?

[Patk]

Hi bballdad,

Thanks for the reply. I am not sure if I can meet them both at the same time since I don't know where they live, so my plan was to call the husband at work (the latest job information I got from googling him) and ask to see if I can visit him there...

Pat

[Tommyh]

sounds good Pat
let us know how it turns out pls

and best wishes

[Patk]

Hi Everyone,

I did my Step 9 amend today-phew! I was terribly nervous about it but the person I made the to was very glad to see me and really nice. I am so glad to have done it in person.

PatK

[SoberHooligan]

I met with an old biz partner yesterday. I had a wound that was open for 3 years I needed to close.

I feel good for cleaning this part of my house, but don't feel the euphoria and relief I had hoped for. Maybe I expected too much.

He was very understanding and accepted my apologies, but didn't acknowledge any wrongdoing or ownership on his part.

I know I can't control how others think or feel, but it seems he dismissed long ago what's been eating at me daily for 3 years.

I know I need to be thankful for where I am in recovery and I am happy to have this one behind me, but any suggestions or thoughts will be appreciated.

I'm 8 months sober. I don't really have a sponsor although I have a weekly men's group I share everything with. I've bee working the steps to some degree . Perhaps I wasn't ready but I needed to get this done.

tx SH

[PaperDolls]

Good job for making your amends.

The way my sponsor taught me was that I had to make amends without expecting anything in return. When you do a 4th step (preferably with the help of a sponsor) you list your resentments and then look at it from a completely different perspective, what is your part in it? For me, what was the beginning of being able to forgive resentments.

Amends aren't until step 9. The steps are in order for a reason.

Why not get a sponsor to work through the steps with you?

[Patk]

Hi PaperDolls,

Thanks for the reply and advice. I do have kind of an informal sponsor who I did my Step 5 with 3 years ago.

Pat

[PaperDolls]

May be you should consider having a full-time formal sponsor. I find it critical in my recovery.