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|07-04-2011, 08:27 AM||#1 (permalink)|
Om Ketu Namaha
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Blog Entries: 130
can someone please tell me
where exactly the BB talks about making amends and how it advises this should be done?
i once read that face to face apologies were better than telephoned ones im not sure if yall would agree. someone once told me also that your supposed to ask the person what you can do to make it right.
i don't have a sponsor right now so need help.
so you like apologise to the person face to face then ask 'what can i do to make it right' and STFU and listen is that pretty much the suggested format?
I ask because my gut instinct is that with my sister who i just called to apologise to over a matter would have liked a opportunity to say something back.
Sober Record 8 months 19 days
|07-04-2011, 08:51 AM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
Well, that's why you try not to make amends, except in person... there is lots of non verbal information that you don't have.
It's not an apology, I think you get that. Perhaps think of it as an exercise in humility, not humiliation. For example... "I wanted to talk to you. I was very sick once, and I am trying to get better...." (if you are on step nine, you should be better, are you? I don't mean that to be mean... ) ".... I treated you badly, I was dishonest, I stole from you.... whatever... I am here to see what I can do to make it right."
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|07-04-2011, 09:06 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
This may not be what you want to hear, but a sponsor is invaluable in working the steps -- especially in the 4th and 5th and 8th and 9th steps. Had it not been for my sponsor, I would have been making amends to a telephone sales marketer who wanted to sell me a home security system (i.e., I lied to him about not being the homeowner).
That being said, the basic format is to describe the harm that you caused, admit your wrong, explain that you want to make the situation right, ask the person what you can do to make the situation right, ask if they were harmed in any other way than what you described to them and ask if they need to tell you how your wrongdoing impacted them.
Never are we to be critical of the person we are making the amend to. The Big Book talks about making amends in person (direct) or in an honest letter if the person cannot be seen. I have not done any of my amends in a manner different than that described in the Book, and people's opinions on this are probably going to vary. Hope this helps.
|07-04-2011, 11:06 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2003
there is no set method or format
when I got to step 9,my sponsor told me to pray,read steps 8 and 9 out of the big book with the person in mind I am going to make amends to and have at it-to seek God`s will in the amends,not mine
why don`t you do the same?
At this point it is between God/you and the other person
we`re here to play the part He wants
so it may not turn out like we may imagine
I ask because my gut instinct is that with my sister who i just called to apologize to over a matter would have liked a opportunity to say something back.
I would suggest you listen to your gut instinct in this case,and get back in touch with here,hopefully f2f
|07-04-2011, 11:21 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2009
The directions are pretty clear, in Chapter 6. We admit where we were wrong, and we set right the damage done.
Like others have said, I absolutely would not enter into this process without a sponsor, and without a thorough 4-7 Steps. Until I can see the true nature of the harm I've caused, I risk far more damage by a half-@ssed amends for which I'm ill prepared. The Steps are in order for a reason.
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