Step 9 From The Perspective Of One To Whom Someone Will Make Amends

[Tochan]

I am not an alcoholic but I have a very close friend who is in recovery and is working on their Step 9 Amends. She has told me that I’m on her list for Amends. I have been reading through the AA Big Book and reading your posts here on the Step 9 forum to see what is involved. I do this because I want to make her Amends to me a wonderful experience for the both of us.

Step 9 is a really hard thing to accomplish in a meaningful and sincere way. Step 9 is what we Jews call Teshuvah.

Teshuvah, Hebrew for "return", is used to describe the concept of repentance in Judaism. Only by atoning (making Amends) for our wrongs can we restore balance to our relationship with God and with our fellow human beings. The Rabbis teach for wrongs committed against God we ask God’s forgiveness. But when we have wronged a person then we must ask that person for forgiveness. It is a very hard and humbling experience. I know because I have done Teshuvah before.

Thank you for letting me share your experiences. I pray that those to whom you are making your Amends appreciate your efforts.

[Kjell]

Originally Posted by Tochan

Only by atoning (making Amends) for our wrongs can we restore balance to our relationship with God and with our fellow human beings.

Thank you for letting me share your experiences. I pray that those to whom you are making your Amends appreciate your efforts.

Hi Tochan-

Thank you for this unique and wonderful perspective on step 9.

I'm an alcoholic and I've made about 50 amends with about 30 more to do.

In my experience so far, I couldn't agree with you more. I feel like I'm making things right with myself, with others, with God, and heck, even with the universe.

Even the amends I'm unable to make (b/c of death or just not knowing where these people are) there are still creative ways of making an amend that rights me with God and the universe.

It's hard and can be awkward, but what an awesome step as I go further into recovery and spirituality.

Kjell~

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by Tochan

Teshuvah, Hebrew for "return", is used to describe the concept of repentance in Judaism. Only by atoning (making Amends) for our wrongs can we restore balance to our relationship with God and with our fellow human beings.


Thank you for letting me share your experiences. I pray that those to whom you are making your Amends appreciate your efforts.

Cool post...... nice to hear the Jewish take on things. I've always been fascinated with the amount of old-world wisdom that is continually passed down through the generations in your culture. .....jealous may be more appropriate - heh.

[DayTrader]

....and to answer your question....... "what's involved." Basically, it's a low-level confession of wrongs (or sins) against the other person. Our intent is to make the other person know we're aware of what we did (even the passive-aggressive stuff, even the stuff behind your back, etc), to express sorrow, and to ask what we can do now to settle up - to makes things even.......to make things right.

I used "low level" because it's NOT appropriate to bring up things that the other person is not aware of if the main purpose is to get the weight off OUR chest. For example, if you dis something disposable to someone that they're not aware of.....it may not be appropriate to bring that matter up again. I tell my sponsees to look at who's benefiting from the "confession." If it's the confessor, maybe that sin doesn't HAVE to be discussed specifically.

Again.......the goal is to let the other person know we're willing to confront what we did rather than ignore it, hide from it, or pretend like it never happened (a particularly "alcoholic" way of acting.....lol), to ask them if there's anything we've forgotten that they'd like to discuss, and then to set the matter right - to square things up......in whatever way they feel is satisfactory.

The tougher the amend.......the bigger the reward. The easy ones on my list were nothing special when I'd finished them. The tough ones (like to my ex-wife) - man.....they were tough to get out but they were the ones' I was MOST glad I did.