What the Big Book says about Step 9

[nandm]

Bill W. resigned himself to 13:14

I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability

---Bill learned of the physical component from Dr. Silkworth. He knew that when he drank he was unable to stop. All medical science could suggest to him was entire abstinence. Knowing through his own experience that it was impossible for him to remain abstinent, Bill felt that he was hopeless. Bill was presented with the solution to his alcoholism by Ebby T., an old school friend. Ebby showed Bill a program of action used by the Oxrford Group. Bill describes the ideas and attitudes he adopted and the techniques he began to practice. The result was a deep and effective spiritual experience allowing Bill access to a Power sufficient to overcome his alcoholism

[nandm]

Made direct amends 59:16

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

----Here the program of action is laid out for us to examine. If we have taken the first two steps toward recovery, we can now decide whether we want to continue. To go on as we have been, or to accept a way of life based on the conscious awareness of the existence of God, what is our choice to be?

[nandm]

Must be willing 69:21-24

We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.

----We are learning how to deal successfully with life’s problems. The self-examination and reliance upon God’s help that we practice in the fourth step, coupled with the actions suggested in the subsequent steps of this program, result in our being able to overcome difficulties that used to baffle us. This is a way of life that works

[nandm]

Directions for the ninth step 76:16-84:12

Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven’t the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.

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The debris caused by our misapplication of self-will blocks us from God, hinders our progress, and chains us to the past. We must clear up these matters to be free to live our new lives. Not dealing with the harms we cause in a timely manner allows them to build up. This piling up of neglected responsibilities makes the load we carry in life unbearable. In the Eighth Step we learn how to right our wrongs and in the tenth Step we learn how to prevent them from beginning to pile up again.

Asking in prayer for the willingness to face up to our past will work if we do it. Remember, we are no longer operating solely on our own limited power and courage, but we now have access to the limitless power of God. God can do for us what we are unable to do for ourselves.

“If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it---then you are ready to take certain steps” (58:9). Victory over alcohol and a spiritual experience (79:5) are the “it” we are willing to go to any length to get. Step Nine is one “length” we must go to if we are to realize these goals.

[nandm]

Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt, we may feel different about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach. We might prejudice them. At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us. It is seldom wise to approach an individual, who still smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. In the prize ring, this would be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? We may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message. But our man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will than in our talk of spiritual matters.

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We have decided to abandon self-seeking as a path in life. We are not seeking the satisfaction of our desires, but rather to find our place in God’s plan. We practice these principles and thus expand our capabilities. By the repeated practice of making amends, we expand our personal experience with a spiritually based way of life. We develop skill through repetition. We learn how to be useful to God and other people by trying. We prove to ourselves that this way of life works.

Specific and clear-cut direction for the Ninth Step begins here. We should study these instructions carefully prior to beginning our amends so that we may avoid making matters worse. We can gain from the experience of those who have already begun the practice of making amends.

“The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it” (83:7-8). When we demonstrate our willingness to admit our wrongs, ask forgiveness for them and (if appropriate) to repay, we make a powerful statement about the benefits of a spiritually based life. Our actions speak far more powerfully and persuasively than our words.

[nandm]

We don’t use this as an excuse for shying away from the subject of God. When it will serve any good purpose, we are wiling to announce our convictions with tact and common sense. The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy that to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret.

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We look to serve rather than to gain by our actions. When our motives for announcing our convictions are to be helpful to another person rather than to bolster our own confidence in our new way of life, we are applying our tradition of attraction rather than promotion. When we seek to give rather than take, our message will have a depth, weight, and power unavailable to us when our motives are self-seeking.

We take these steps voluntarily. This act of surrender frees us of the bondage or pride. The effect of making amends for our wrongs is that the chains that bind us to our old way of living are broken. Their control over us is removed. We are set free to become the people we most wish to be.

It is easier to life a small weight, but only by lifting a heavy weight do we grow. It did not take much spiritual effort to stop drinking when we saw that it was killing us. It takes a great deal more effort to develop the humility required to fully recover from alcoholism.

[nandm]

Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. Simply we tell him that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.

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These are specific instructions for us to follow. If we want the promised results we must follow the example of those who have gone before us. Our focus must be on giving not taking. We are not doing this to extract confessions of wrong doing from those we have harmed, if they wish to their own wrongdoing we let them, but we should not attempt to manipulate them into doing this.

[nandm]

In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault; so feuds of years’ standing melt away in an hour. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing and wish us well. Occasionally, they will offer assistance. It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office. We have made our demonstration, not our part. It’s water over the dam.

Most alcoholics owe money. We do not dodge our creditors. Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking: they usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not. Nor are we afraid of disclosing our alcoholism on the theory it may cause financial harm. Approached in this way, the most ruthless creditor will sometimes surprise us. Arranging the best deal we can we let these people know we are sorry. Our drinking has made us slow to pay. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. Perhaps we have committed a criminal offense which might land us in jail if known to the authorities. We may be short in our accounts and unable to make good. We have already admitted this in confidence to another person, but we are sure we would be imprisoned or lose our job if it were known. Maybe it’s only a petty offense such as padding he expense account. Most of us have done that sort of thing. Maybe we are divorced, and have remarried but haven’t kept up the alimony to number one. She is indignant about it, and has a warrant out for our arrest. That’s a common form of trouble too.

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Most of us, sharing common character defects, bring similar types of trouble into our lives. greed causes us to steal in large or small amounts, envy causes us to slander or gossip, sloth causes us to neglect our responsibilities, wrath causes us to lose control, gluttony causes us to seek more pleasures than are good for us, pride causes us to put up false fronts and lust causes us to damage our relationships. These defects, present in various degrees, have the power to control us until we admit to ourselves, to God, and to another person, that they exist and ask God to remove them. Being free from the control of these shortcomings, we then take the actions described in the Ninth Step to bring our new found faith to life.

[nandm]

Although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. We may lose our position or reputation, or face jail, but are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.

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Though we may not have recognized it for what it was, the conscious awareness of the existence of God and the resulting change in the lives of those we know who have experienced this is what first attracted us to this way of life. The authors found that the result of taking these steps is a spiritual awakening . As we practice these steps we beign to awaken spiritually. We continue practicing these principles because we see for ourselves that it works.

We make direct amends to those we have harmed except when to do so would harm them or others. We sometimes hear that we are to consider ourselves as one of the “others”. This is not what the book says. We have avoided making amends because we feared the consequences, thus the weight of our misdeeds builds into an unbearable load. By facing the consequences, whatever they may be, we bring our faith in God to life. We do not make amends under our own power, but under the guidance and protection of God.

[nandm]

Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit. A man we know had remarried. Because of resentment and drinking, he had not paid alimony to his first wife. She was furious. She went to court and got an order for his arrest. He had commenced our way of life, had secured a position, and was getting his head above water. It would have been impressive heroics if he had walked up to the Judge and said, “Here I am.”

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We must not lighten our own load while increasing the burden of others. Careful thought and consultation with others must precede each amend we make. Selfishly pursuing our own relief while disregarding the best interest of others will only compound our problems.

[nandm]

We thought he ought to be willing to do that if necessary but if he were in jail, he could provide nothing for either family. We suggested he write his first wife admitting his faults and asking forgiveness. He did, and also sent a small amount of money. He told her what he would try to do in the future. He said he was perfectly willing to go to jail if she insisted. Of course she did not, and the whole situation has long since been adjusted.

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Our amends are concrete evidence to ourselves and others of the benefits of a spiritual life. Repaying money owed, asking for forgiveness for harm done others, and attempting to set our wrongs right makes us fit to be of use to God and our fellows.

[nandm]

Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help, and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.

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The experience of others helps to bolster our courage. Repeatedly acting upon our new found faith gives us our own spiritual experience to rely upon. In this manner, we build our faith and it becomes a living part of our lives. Our new way of life is simple and practical. It works!

[nandm]

This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. While drinking, he accepted a sum of money from a bitterly hated business rival, giving him no receipt for it. He subsequently denied having received the money and used the incident to discredit the man. He thus used his own wrongdoing as a means of destroying the reputation of another. In fact, his rival was ruined.

He felt he had done a wrong he could not possibly make right. If he opened that old affair, he was afraid it would destroy the reputation of his partner, disgrace his family and take away his means of livelihood. What right had he to involve those dependent upon him? How could he possibly make a public statement exonerating his rival?

After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator guilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God’s hands or he would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow. He attended church for the first time in many years. After the sermon, he quietly go up and made an explanation. His action met widespread approval, and today he is one of the most trusted citizens of his town. This all happened three years ago.

----The experience of others helps to bolster our courage. Repeatedly acting upon our new found faith gives us our own spiritual experience to rely upon. In this manner, we build our faith and it becomes a living part of our lives. Our new way of life is a simple and practical. It works!

[nandm]

The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion we wouldn’t care to have advertised. We doubt if, in this respect, alcoholics are fundamentally much worse than other people. But drinking does complicate sex relations in the home. After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful, and uncommunicative. How could she be anything else? The husband begins to fell lonely, sorry for himself. He commences to look around in the night clubs, or their equivalent, for something besides liquor. Perhaps he is having a secret and exciting affair with “the girl who understands.” In fairness we must say that she may understand, but what are we going to do about a thing like that? A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him.

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Suggestions for dealing with trouble at home are given. We will have examined our sex lives in Step Four. We have asked God to help mold our ideals. Straightening out our domestic situation is a primary part of our attempt to live us to our new ideals. “A mere code of morals or a better philosophy of live” will not result in our recovery. Only by living, with God’s help, our new way of life can we expect to overcome the troubles we have been experiencing.

[nandm]

Whatever the situation, we usually have to do something about it. If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think. If she knows in a general way that we have been wild, should we tell her in detail? Undoubtedly we should admit our fault. She may insist on knowing all the particulars. She will want to know who the woman is and where she is. We feel we ought to say to her that we have no right to involve another person. We are sorry for what we have done, and God willing, it shall not be repeated. More than that we cannot do; we have no