step 8 question - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

jedi · 06-05-2011, 10:43 AM

What about someone we may have harmed while blacked-out? We can only imagine those we could have harmed in some way while we were totally out of our mind. I still get freaked out at the things I might have done and dwell too much on it I guess. It could be total paranoia. Any thoughts?

susanlauren · 06-05-2011, 10:54 AM

Jedi,
Unless someone were to tell me what I did when I blacked out, I would have no way of knowing. I have more than enough amends to make with the things I do remember.

One of the questions I plan to ask as I am making my amends is: "Is there anything else that I have done to harm you?" Then I will shut up and listen. It is possible that stuff that happened during a blackout will come up the person's answer.

I am going to work on the amend that I am aware of. If there are other incidents that I need to make amends for, I believe that my Higher Power will show me those things.
Susan

CarolD · 06-05-2011, 11:28 AM

jedi ....Welcome to SR....

I too was a blackout drinker...and I did the same as Susan on my amends.

Good to see you here....

Taking5 · 06-05-2011, 12:11 PM

"Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all".

You can't list them if you don't know about it. If while in a blackout, you did something bad and were told about it later by someone you trust, then that person belongs on your amends list. I also like Susan's idea.

One of the issues I had with 8 was set clear to me by my sponsor. This is about all the stuff you did, it is not about if the amends are possible. So if you harmed someone and can't remember their name, if they have died, or moved away and no one has heard from them, or whatever - these people still belong on your list. And equally important, you become willing to make the amends. The amends may never be possible, but when you have a complete list and are willing to make amends, then you are through with step 8.

jedi · 06-05-2011, 12:56 PM

Thanks guys for welcoming me. Yeah I guess what really matters is the sincerity of the heart to take the next step and I agree with the fact that our HP will help with the details of it all. I really beat myself up sometimes for things I dont even remember doing.

Tommyh · 06-05-2011, 02:22 PM

I do know of several men who came out of a blackout in jail only to find out they had killed people while in a blackout.

that's a different story compared to what we may have feared we had done.

06-05-2011, 10:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
jedi Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Truthinsideofme Posts: 2	step 8 question What about someone we may have harmed while blacked-out? We can only imagine those we could have harmed in some way while we were totally out of our mind. I still get freaked out at the things I might have done and dwell too much on it I guess. It could be total paranoia. Any thoughts?

06-05-2011, 11:28 AM	#3 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	jedi ....Welcome to SR.... I too was a blackout drinker...and I did the same as Susan on my amends. Good to see you here.... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

06-05-2011, 12:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Taking5 Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: LA - Lower Alabama Posts: 4,264	"Made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all". You can't list them if you don't know about it. If while in a blackout, you did something bad and were told about it later by someone you trust, then that person belongs on your amends list. I also like Susan's idea. One of the issues I had with 8 was set clear to me by my sponsor. This is about all the stuff you did, it is not about if the amends are possible. So if you harmed someone and can't remember their name, if they have died, or moved away and no one has heard from them, or whatever - these people still belong on your list. And equally important, you become willing to make the amends. The amends may never be possible, but when you have a complete list and are willing to make amends, then you are through with step 8. __________________ It is easier to practice total abstinence than perfect moderation _______________________________________ Any quotes from the big book of AA are from the first edition, or are otherwise exempt from copyright infringement under the "fair use doctrine".

06-05-2011, 02:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
Tommyh Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 18,977	I do know of several men who came out of a blackout in jail only to find out they had killed people while in a blackout. that's a different story compared to what we may have feared we had done. __________________ Between page 1 and Page 164

06-05-2011, 10:54 AM	#2 (permalink)
susanlauren Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Columbus, Ohio Posts: 648	Jedi, Unless someone were to tell me what I did when I blacked out, I would have no way of knowing. I have more than enough amends to make with the things I do remember. One of the questions I plan to ask as I am making my amends is: "Is there anything else that I have done to harm you?" Then I will shut up and listen. It is possible that stuff that happened during a blackout will come up the person's answer. I am going to work on the amend that I am aware of. If there are other incidents that I need to make amends for, I believe that my Higher Power will show me those things. Susan

06-05-2011, 12:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
jedi Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Truthinsideofme Posts: 2	Thanks guys for welcoming me. Yeah I guess what really matters is the sincerity of the heart to take the next step and I agree with the fact that our HP will help with the details of it all. I really beat myself up sometimes for things I dont even remember doing.

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