Thoughts on Step 8

[nandm]

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

So starts the third phase of cleaning house. We've made our inventory, assessed our defects, shortcomings, and wrongs. We've been ready to have them removed. We've humbled ourselves to ask for help in thier removal.

Now comes another inventory of sorts. Not like the one in which we uncovered and discovered our own failings. Rather, this one is a list of those people in our lives who have been adversely affected by the chronic progression of our disease.

This list is not necessarily limited to the significant others in our lives. It also needs to include those people with whom we've had social or business dealings and who have suffered as a result of our actions.

It's important to include those whom we have defamed by gossip, and those we have cheated, humilated, scorned, and betrayed. We will be scrupulous in our appraisal, for the benefits we will derive as a result of this action are enormously rewarding.

Step by Step, Meditations for living the Twelve Steps. Muriel Zink

[Pinkcuda]

Is there a right way to do the 8th step? I have seen 2 schools of thought here on this one and it is the subject of much debate.
Step 8 at face value says that we made a list of all that we had harmed ane became willing to make amends to them. This was fine until my Sponsor said this list should come from my 4th step inventory. If it wasn't on my inventory it obviously didn't affect my recovery in one way or another by making any amends to them. There were very few that could explain it to my satisfaction.
Step 4 suggests we list our Resentments, fears and sex conduct but it doesn't mention harm to others that fall outside these areas or is very vague at best, so I skipped it.
On pg76 the book says that "We have a list of all we have harmed and whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory." WTF?? I didn't have a list from my inventory and I was under the impression that it wasn't supposed to be made until Step 8.
Was my Sponsor wrong?? If I took the list from my resentments, fears and sex, I came up with 3 people that I needed to make amends to.
I would like some input on where this list is really supposed to come from. I would like to pass on the correct aproach to sponsees and as I am fairly new to this I don't have all the answers.

[nandm]

Thanks for your input. You pose an interesting question that I had not even thought about. I don't know about other people and what I do is not based on a particular passage in the BB but for me the inventory in Step 8 I base on my day to day life. That way if I worked the 4th Step then I am staying current by working the 8th Step and don't have to worry about things piling up creating stress.

[Pinkcuda]

I suppose either way works just as well. Just so long as the Sponsor is well aware of it. I'm working with a Sponsee today on his 4th and this caught me by surprise. I was left with the wrong impression when I did mine. I was looking to reverse all of my resentments and turn them into defects which I couldn't do. That was what was explained to me which left me more than confused. I hope I will not pass this on.

[BP44]

I'm working on my 8th step list right now, due on Tuesday night. My list does come directly from the 1st column of my inventory. Now, there will be a few people who will be on the list who I had no resentment toward, fear or sex relations, therefore, they weren't included in my inventory. Here is the thing that I have to remember, that virtually every individual I came in any meaningful contact with was affected by my alcoholism whether I was drunk or dry. I was indeed like a tornado in their lives and at the very least robbed them of their emotional security. The point of the list isn't in me deciding whether they are owed an amends. Some of these people and institutions my sponsor is likely to say that the best amends I can make to them is to never make contact with them again as long as I live. The point is to make the list so that my sponsor can guide me in the amends process.

[nandm]

:ghug2