Step 6

[McGowdog]

Admittedly, the BB doesn't say a bunch about Step 6.

Looking back at my experience with this step, I believe it's where I followed instructions and literally put the book on a shelf somewhere, which I never do normally, then take it down and contemplate the first 5 proposals and see how my work is so far. Are the stones properly in place? Have I mixed mortar without sand? I understand that to be... one part problem (my 1st step) with one part solution (God), then the foundation... my past experience and why I came to AA... my bottom and surrender, if you will, and willingness to believe that God can and will for me, the Cornerstone... which I believe is this willingness, the 3rd step decision or Keystone, for we're building a triumphant Arch to which we pass to Freedom...

I believe the 12x12 talks about how this is the step that separates the Men from the Boys.

So I've looked at things that perhaps I'm unwilling to give up. I've put smoking and chewing Copenhagen in there. I've been anger in there... Then I arise with willingness to ask God to remove them...

Pray for the willingness... I'm not real big on that? Anybody got experience with that?

[cataluna]

You are quite right the BB doesn't really go over the Sixth step. I am in the process in completing the sixth step and a little confused. Do you have any suggestions?
Cataluna

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR cataluna

You might find the 12&12 usefulinformation useful.

Good to see you here ...

[freya]

When I come across character defects that I am ambivalent about having removed, how I go about "praying for the willingness to be willing" is pretty simply just to hold the problem gently in my mind and, whenever I pray or meditate or whenever the defect comes up in my life and I notice it, just kind of like put it out there to HP as something that I need help with.

And then, of course, I have to be patient and wait -- which I totally hate.

It's been really important to me, in these kinds of situations, not to try to force willingness, or get all obsessive about it, or all down on myself about it. For me, any of that just seems to exaggerate the problem and keep me from any real movement on it...and, since what I'm basically asking for here is a shift in my attitude and perspective on the defect and its "place" in my life, behavior that increases rigidity or results in a fixation but limits movement and openness is really counter-productive for me.

Here are links to 2 recent threads dealing with Step 6:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-defects.html (Letting go of character defects)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-6-a.html (step 6)

Unfortunately, it seems to be a step that it is kind of difficult to get people to share much ES&H on --- which, I suppose, rather supports the idea that it really does separate the men from the boys.

Good luck!

freya

P.S. Also, you might check out the Hazeldon book Drop the Rock.

[McGowdog]

Looking back at my last experience with this 6th Step, I think it's vital to really look at this right after your 5th step review and 1 hour quiet time.

It is right in that moment that we "thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better"... because we have just given witness to some chunks of truth about ourself. And as they say, God is Truth. But some of these truths about ourselves or things that were blocking us from God are or would seem to be pretty easy to ask God to take away. Some may not be. So... this is the time to get honest and maybe consider the possibility that we DON'T want some defect of character removed. Willingness is followed by action. So... willingness without action "is fantasy." Gee, that makes sense.

So you can pray for the willingness, but you'd better have your shoes on at that point and be ready to take the next step... which would be 7.

[bballdad]

they don`t put much in the Book about it because it is simple.Either I am willing to have God remove them or I am not.That is the only question.
If I am,I go on to step 7,if not,I pray for the willingness and go on to step 7 with what I am willing for God to remove,and then focus my attention on getting busy doing the rest of the steps and living sober.After my 5th step experience,there came a period of time,the same day that I realized I never had to live the way I used to live again.The book refers to it as a hour where we thank God from the bottom of our hearts we know Him better.I knew Him better because He had set me free from the past.I was standing at the crossroads at steps 6 & 7,to go forward,or to linger in the same muck that kept me living in the horror of my past and my self will.I choose to move forward and let God take me to better things.

[McGowdog]

So what if you face a defect of character that you're not willing to give up? I hear we can't wish these away anymore than alcohol. So no choice.

Have you never stayed on Step 6 until you were "willing" to have God remove it?

God has taken me to better things, no doubt. He's literally removed some bad stuff from me, but not all. Is it possible that I'm not willing or that God doesn't remove some stuff just yet?

[bballdad]

pray for the willingness is all I have to do,God provides the willingness since I cannot or will not
like step 8,made a list and became willing to make amends,if we haven`t the will we ask untill it comes
God provides plenty of willingness for us if we just ask for it...but it appears to come on His time,not mine
willingness,not normally our own,is another gift from God

Originally Posted by McGowdog

Admittedly, the BB doesn't say a bunch about Step 6.

Looking back at my experience with this step, I believe it's where I followed instructions and literally put the book on a shelf somewhere, which I never do normally, then take it down and contemplate the first 5 proposals and see how my work is so far. Are the stones properly in place? Have I mixed mortar without sand? I understand that to be... one part problem (my 1st step) with one part solution (God), then the foundation... my past experience and why I came to AA... my bottom and surrender, if you will, and willingness to believe that God can and will for me, the Cornerstone... which I believe is this willingness, the 3rd step decision or Keystone, for we're building a triumphant Arch to which we pass to Freedom...

I believe the 12x12 talks about how this is the step that separates the Men from the Boys.

So I've looked at things that perhaps I'm unwilling to give up. I've put smoking and chewing Copenhagen in there. I've been anger in there... Then I arise with willingness to ask God to remove them...

Pray for the willingness... I'm not real big on that? Anybody got experience with that?

[McGowdog]

Right, and a gift is a gift. We can't control a gift. It comes when it comes.

I guess there are times when we receive the willingness and it doesn't even dawn on us until later. I've had that happen.

[jgm]

i always figured that this step was all up to god, i just had to say i was willing. i remember someone told me something pretty good, they said god doesn't need to step 6, you do, gods doing alright. hahaha. but that made sence i prey for willingness but i make the conscious decision to live in amended behavior or do contradictory behavior to what i was doing before. just something i was kinda sitting with. but theirs no wrong way to do it, i've heard tons of methods, the only wrong way i think is not to it. something we sort of wrestle with.

[McGowdog]

Until completing steps 4 and 5 and as I'm starting to consider the prospects of making amends for my behavior drunk and sober, I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to get to go to God wearing white robes and with clean hands and say, "Here I am God. I've earned Your Grace and do not need to be forgiven."

But I come bloodied and dirty. I need God's Grace. I need to be forgiven. And I am. You and me are forgiveable. You and me need God's mercy. Part of us doesn't want to be beholden to God for this. Our ego. But it's pretty smashed at this point, so we proceed to 7, which is about forgiveness... which is of course a two-way street, right?