Discussion and Sharing Welcomed!

[CarolD]

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

[CarolD]

At my 1st home group we had a list of character defects
hung on the wall.
I used to sit where I could not see them!

They made me feel like a sinner.
I had said that to L and she suggested
I move around so I could face reality
and read them

I was to choose 1 at each meeting
and work towards improving that one that day.

So... here am I.. years later..still not wearing a
halo..but I have made many positive strides forward.

Thanks for letting me share

[Tazman53]

Carol, you know..... I am already ready to have God remove those defects from me. Obviously though I need to be aware of what they all are as things stand right now which would require me to do steps 4, 5, & 6.

[GlassPrisoner]

I did step 6 immediately after step 5. This was at home, by myself, and after " Returning home and finding a place where we can be quiet, carefully reviewing what we have done"

Per the book.

[Matinee6]

I have one question here and I know this may come out sounding bad but these defects of character that we are to humbly ask to be removed in my mind some of these are inside us to be our defense against the unknown evils in the world we live in. Not everyone is nice so shouldn't we hold on to some of them in order to survive??
LMK

[GlassPrisoner]

Matinee, my defects included being selfish, self-centered, ego-centric, judgmental, intolerant of others defects, being a martyr instead of facing problems......I don't see anything there that would defend me.

Another thing I learned doing 4 & 5 is that not everyone is out to get me. In my mind they are, but in reality they are just people with problems, just like me.....

[Neagrm]

I don't think my H.P. would remove a defect I still needed. H.P. would guide me to healthier thinking so I could let go of them when ready.

[Gmoney]

"Although some of us have not understood the critical importance of the Sixth & Seventh Steps, they are essential actions that must be taken if we expect to make significant and lasting changes in our lives. We cannot simply say, "Yes, I'm ready, God, please remove my defects" and go on to Step Eight. If we gloss over the 6th and 7th Steps and go on to make our amends, we will only wind up owing more amends by repeating the same destructive patterns as before.

The lifelong process of the 6th Step is just that - a process. We've started the process of becoming entirely ready, and we will strive to increase our readiness throughout our lifetime. Our state of readiness grows in direct proportion to our awareness of these defects and the destruction they cause.

Defects and/or shortcomings may often be referred to as "long-goings" because it takes many of us just that to be able to accurately identify them...let alone become entirely ready to have them removed. Our character defects are basic human traits that have been distorted out of proportion by our self-centeredness, causing enormous pain to us and those around us. Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less 'defective', we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives? Although "people pleasing" may not sound harmful, the reality is that we're dishonest and manipulative - lying about our feelings, beliefs and needs in order to soothe others into compliance with out wishes. "Easygoing" is often a softer term used for fear, procrastination or laziness.

“Why ask for something before we are ready for it?” is the first thing asked in Step 6 of the Basic Text, and I contend that we need to know what we are asking for, before we ask. With willingness being the primary principle of Step 6, we must remember that part of the process of becoming entirely ready involves PRACTICING constructive behavior and remembering that we are human and should not place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We surrender to the simple suggestions that the program offers us, and even though we may not be fully aware if we're entirely ready...by putting our willingness into action, we are headed in the right direction."

GarryW


(combined excerpts from the NA Basic Text, Just For Today, NA Step working Guide and It Works: How & Why)

[lanie67]

Thanks Garry W.

I know I have been in the stage here lately of 'becoming entirely ready' to have defects removed that I didn't even understand about when I was early in recovery. I mean, I am SO ready. It's been just pain, pain, pain lately. I am seeing these behaviors I've done all my life, codependency mostly, and now much pain they are bringing into my life, and I can even recognize now when I start to do the behaviors. Sometimes I still do the rescuing behavior, it is so hard, and I have to fight so hard not to, and sometimes I lose. I know I am afraid of being alone, and I do these behaviors because I rescued all during my childhood. My mother ran very, very hot and cold and it was warm when she needed rescue and dreadfully cold when I was on the outs, which was all the rest of the time it seemed. So I learned this really wacked way of relating that is at heart dishonest. Thanks for reminding me it's a process.

[TimmyO]

Hello everyone,
Might as well chime in here (defect maybe? the need for validation?)

I really saw what the defects were in step four and got down to the exact nature of them in step five (selfishness, self centeredness, self seeking, dishonesty, intolerance, etc.).

After going over all of these things it became pretty apparent that the tools for living which I had employed were not working at all and I was definitely willing to have them removed.

It wasn't so much a listing of defects, or shortcomings, or a litany of sins, etc. as it was really a reaffirmation of step 3. In 3 I decided that I would seek different avenues for how to live my life and by 6 I have now evaluated what tools I do have and have become willing to get rid of the ones that don't work.

That's it, and just like Glass prisoner, I did mine as the book instructs, about an hour after I had done my 5th step and then right into the 7th step prayer... but I'll save those words for THAT forum!

Thanks,
Tim

[laurenlanai25]

thanks carol for posting this! just last friday i was talking to my sponsor and in conversation i think i came to the conclusion that i may have relapsed because of my character defects. i know more is always revealed, but when i came back around i was trying to figure out what went wrong for me the first time when i relapsed. i just couldnt figure it out! i was going to meetings, sponsoring people, voulenteering, attending my home group and so on. i was stumped! then it came to me, my defects of character were why i drank in the first place, alcohol was just a symtom of my disease. ( i never really got that until recently) i drank because i didnt want to feel. one of my character defects just like many would be pride, and with pride comes perfection for me! i know it says progress not pefection but i still thought i was better than and could do it perfect! i dont know how to be one with society, im either climbing to the top or hiding on the bottom. and after a time of doing nothing with defects, i drank, bottom line. it was the f it attitude, if i cant be perfect whats the use! now when i go to meetings i take my knitting with me so i keep my mouth shut and not share everytime. it helps me to listen in meetings too, that is what i need to learn to do! just because i know the big book and 12x12 by heart does not mean i know how to apply the actions to my life. what does it say? self knowledge avails us nothing? that couldnt be more true for me! thanks again so much!!!

[Tommyh]

the riddle of our existance.....


when I saw the 4th step,and talked about it in step 5 ,I was ready to let go of that stuff and have God(or anyone who could) remove that stuff,except one thing.
I prayed for the willingness to let it go and moved on to step 7 and continued to pray for the willingness for several months,and then one day I realized it was gone!

[nocoincidence56]

Everyday I take part in living I am given the opportunity to live these and all the other steps. Yes it is a process, one we will engage in from now on. It is up to me to practice these principles in all my affairs, not just the ones which are easy or convenient. This, for me, is the place through which self-examination, guidance from my higher power, and plain practice, allows me to work on six and seven, to name a few. When I pray the seventh step prayer, I am given each day, endless opportunities for change. It's up to me to do it. It takes action. This is where the rubber meets the road.
It will only work if I keep trying and not succumb to our ancient enemies........

[TTOSBT]

Hi there!
I just completed Step 5 last night and am ready to move on to Step 6. Are there a list of character defects to choose from or just what I identify?

[cfgardengirl]

The list of character defects can go on and on . What I have learned is they all can be put into the 7 catagories of the seven deadly sins found in the 12 &12 in the 4th step. Keep it simple!

[CarolD]

cfgardengirl ....
Welcome to SR

Glad to see a new meber
Please come down to our main page

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-support/

And introduce yourself.

[Spawn]

Originally Posted by Gmoney

"Although some of us have not understood the critical importance of the Sixth & Seventh Steps, they are essential actions that must be taken if we expect to make significant and lasting changes in our lives. We cannot simply say, "Yes, I'm ready, God, please remove my defects" and go on to Step Eight. If we gloss over the 6th and 7th Steps and go on to make our amends, we will only wind up owing more amends by repeating the same destructive patterns as before.

The lifelong process of the 6th Step is just that - a process. We've started the process of becoming entirely ready, and we will strive to increase our readiness throughout our lifetime. Our state of readiness grows in direct proportion to our awareness of these defects and the destruction they cause.

Defects and/or shortcomings may often be referred to as "long-goings" because it takes many of us just that to be able to accurately identify them...let alone become entirely ready to have them removed. Our character defects are basic human traits that have been distorted out of proportion by our self-centeredness, causing enormous pain to us and those around us. Sometimes our readiness to have our character defects removed depends on what we call them. If misnaming our defects makes them seem less 'defective', we may be unable to see the damage they cause. And if they seem to be causing no harm, why would we ever ask our Higher Power to remove them from our lives? Although "people pleasing" may not sound harmful, the reality is that we're dishonest and manipulative - lying about our feelings, beliefs and needs in order to soothe others into compliance with out wishes. "Easygoing" is often a softer term used for fear, procrastination or laziness.

“Why ask for something before we are ready for it?” is the first thing asked in Step 6 of the Basic Text, and I contend that we need to know what we are asking for, before we ask. With willingness being the primary principle of Step 6, we must remember that part of the process of becoming entirely ready involves PRACTICING constructive behavior and remembering that we are human and should not place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We surrender to the simple suggestions that the program offers us, and even though we may not be fully aware if we're entirely ready...by putting our willingness into action, we are headed in the right direction."

GarryW


(combined excerpts from the NA Basic Text, Just For Today, NA Step working Guide and It Works: How & Why)

I totally agree,........sometimes those defects can sneak up on ya when your facing challenges,....for me it's when I'm dealing with difficult people.

[causes]

I regularly attend a closed meeting. This meeting asks people to leave if they do not have a problem with alcohol. I get it. What I am having difficulty with is becoming willing to accept long term members with newborns being asked to leave. I am jaded by folks who speak of helping the suffering alcoholic yet willing to throw a home group member out who has a baby,

[CarolD]

causes ....Welcome to SR.....

It's true...not all meetings allow minors to attend
unless they are alcoholics.
That is a matter for their G.C.

My home group did have a nursery/play room set up
parents tooks turns supervising. It kept the distraction
and noise level out of the meeting room.

It also complied with the state law in Ga. about
minors and smoking in public areas. Since then
we turned our meetings into non-smoking....

Ask around....call your central Office...you might find a
meeting more child friendly in your area.

Glad to see a new member.....please do share on our
main Alcoholism 12 Step Support page too....

Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

[nandm]

Welcome to SR, Causes.

I pretty much have to echo what Carol said as far as children in meetings go.

Although, I have helped out a young parent during a meeting by taking their child outside and playing with them to allow the parent the opportunity to get more out of the meeting.

I do know that there are meetings in my area that allow people to bring young children as long as the children do not disrupt the meeting. Personally, I prefer meetings where I am not distracted by a child but that is a personal preference. Please call your local AA and ask about child care and AA in your area. I am sure they will be able to provide some answers for you.