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|01-16-2009, 12:00 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Moving out of Limbo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Blog Entries: 6
This step scares me.
I am frightened about this step, because I have alot of guilt I have dealt with and continue to deal with about myself. While I have not started actually working the steps, seeing alot of happy people who have has made me interested and attracted to working them.
I have a close friend who confided in only me about some pretty serious things they had done, and when revealing this to their sponsor in step 5, their sponsor didn't even flinch, and actually forgave them for it.
I think that is a great thing, and makes it even more attractive to me, but I am still scared of this one. I think I will be ready for it after I work steps 1-4.
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it. -Salvador Dali
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|01-16-2009, 01:58 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Exactly - step 5 can look pretty daunting, heck step 9 looked even worse!
That is why there is 1-4.
Once I had a complete 4th step - I was more than willing to read it, discuss it with another...I had to be rid of that stuff and the 5th step was the action I took. The book says that we THINK we have learned of humility, fearlessness and honesty - it becomes a reality when we sit down and look someone in the eye and LET IT OUT.
You will be ready, or else it won't happen - and if it doesn't happen it is my belief that an alcoholic of my type will drink again (I don't think I am alone in this belief). I think most people who never do the 5th never really finish the 4th because they think they had an option at the 3rd because they really didn't come to believe at the 2nd because they have reservations about step 1.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard
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|10-31-2009, 08:07 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: north west
You move at your pace but some of the greatest relief was doing it because I needed too. A major relief was when I did a spiritual releif........Your choice...LUCK
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|10-31-2009, 08:17 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jan 2009
the steps are in order for a reason! i got to four and five and found i couldnt put the pen down on four once i got going and it was a little uncomfortable doing five but i was ready to get rid of all the things that were "blocking" me from living a better life.it was easier than i thought and i asked my sponsor if it should have been so? she said i had done solid 1,2,3 so yes.i burst into tears after my "confession" and she asked me if i had found it tough and i said no,i just found it terribly sad that i had been running round my whole life full of fear for 37 years.when i started working with her i kept jumping through the book,thinking i was doing a bit of ground work,or homework if you like.but she told me as we hadnt got there yet in her "official capacity" of taking me through them,they were none of my business yet! well that put me in my place.please do not worry about something that you have no idea of what you are worrying at just yet! waste of energy i would say!,,im delighted you have decided to get on the programme.it has opened up a whole new world to me.i have a new set of eyes and a new heart thanks to the God given 12 step recovery programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.i wish you well.
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|10-31-2009, 08:32 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2008
I remember being scared as well.. I think my sponser felt it. A month before we began my 4th step, she tells me a story of a young lady who lied all thru out her forth and ended up relapsing at about 2 yrs clean.
Welp that scared the heck outta me and I didnt wanna relapse, I told my sponser how I felt & that I didnt feel comfortable telling another woman all my business, she laughed and said I have probaly done things a lot worse than you! lol... she wasnt kidding eitha!
Finally when it came time, she got off of work, came and got me, we prayed and I promise that woman didnt flinch... I love her so much... what a relief off my back!
Dont be afraid, just let it go...
How can you LOVE someone when YOU dont love YOURSELF?!
Start LOVING YOU & love will be waiting!!
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|05-26-2011, 09:07 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: EDGEWATER MD
i have done soooo many dispicible things and im scared to tell another human being. ive been with several guys while high and have done things that you can imagine. ive stolen poor boxes off the wall of a church, and so much more. this is gonna be scary and hard.
im a guy.
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|05-26-2011, 11:33 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
I am thinking back to a thread that appeared a few weeks ago about FEAR.
Your sponsor will help you through it.
Having gone through steps one thru three, you are already not the person you were when you first walked through those doors When you walked in the door, you were wracked by the disease of addiction (whatever substance it was)
That was then, and this is now. I guarantee you that you will not win first, second or third prize in the "worst drunk behavior of all time" award category. That is because you will not be judged. We ALL have our skeletons in the closet.
I've seen a lot through my 17 years of sobriety. I have seen people wracked with shame and guilt walk into those rooms with tears streaming down their faces. They cannot believe anything will ever be right again. I have also seen those same people laughing about the insanity of their disease a few years down the road when they shared at meetings. They got there by working the program.
I was one of those people, and trust me, I have stories that would make your head spin.
But that was then, and this is now.
Keep going.......you can do it.
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|06-18-2011, 06:12 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Roanoke Rapids NC
Blog Entries: 1
I new to this...I've been sober for almost a month..17 days exactly.
How long after I finish step four should I start on step 5?
Shouldn't take me long to write down all the horrible things I've done.
But, who do I talk to? Who should I sit down and ready my paper to?
I'm soo lost but, I'm determined to be sober this time around.
|06-18-2011, 07:16 PM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Welcome. I am glad you are here and that you have a desire to work the steps. The 4th step is not about writing down "all the horrible things you have done". The 4th step is actually three separate inventories -- resentments, fears and sex conduct.
The directions for the 4th step begin on the bottom of page 63 and continue to the end of the chapter (page 71) of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The directions for the 5th step begin on page 72 and continue to the bottom of page 75 (BB of AA). It is all explained there in considerable detail (i.e., what, how, when, why, etc.).
Do you have a sponsor that you are working with? If you don't that would be my first suggestion to you. Ask someone to sponsor you who works the steps directly from the Big Book and ask them to show you what they did. It is hard to do this process alone.
I will tell you that working the twelve steps has changed my life, dramatically, for the better. I went from suffering from untreated alcoholism and from being plagued with the mental obsession around alcohol and drinking to complete freedom. My only regret is that I didn't work the steps when I first walked through the doors of AA.
Read around if you are interested. Check out some of my posts and my threads. You will see a remarkable transformation. Night and day. If you are serious about getting sober (and being truly happy about being sober) I highly recommend working the steps.
|06-18-2011, 10:56 PM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
* Have you been to AA meetings yet?
* Do you have a big book and have you read it?
* Do you have a sponsor?
* Have you done steps 1-4 yet?
* You should start step 5 immediately upon completion of step 4
* Step 4 is not "all the horrible things I've done". Explicit instructions on step 4 are in the big book, page 65.
* Who hears your 5th step is up to you. Many people use their sponsor, but many others use a member of the clergy.
It is easier to practice total abstinence than perfect moderation
Any quotes from the big book of AA are from the first edition, or are otherwise exempt from copyright infringement under the "fair use doctrine".
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|06-19-2011, 07:47 AM||#11 (permalink)|
Forward we go...side by side
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Welcome to our recovery community Good to know you are heading into a non drinking future..
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!
|06-19-2011, 09:16 AM||#12 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
|06-19-2011, 12:02 PM||#13 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Virginia
Well no, there is some direction about "horrible things I've done" in the 4th Step. Many came out in writing my resentment list but a few did not.
"We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can" (BB First Edition, Page 70)
Most of the fear I had in discussing - anything - with the man that appointed himself as my sponsor was, what he would think of me, and of course lack of trust.
My thoughts, here I am in a room filled with people who were once and might still be - liars, theives, underhanded, etc... etc.. basically people like me. Whose to say they don't gossip about me behind my back ?
Having grown up in a religious faith, I knew there were people who took vows before God to maintain confidentiality. In the Fifth Step, it suggests.
"Rightly and naturally, we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step. Those of belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it. Though we have no religious connection, we may still do well to talk with someone ordained by an established religion. We often find such a person quick to see and understand our problem."
(BB, First Edition, Page 74)
I did, as the book suggested with my initial "horrible things I have done" and more importantly either no longer did or no longer do. I've done other 5th Steps where as my sponsor says "just get real" about my childish resentments and fears, my selfishness and self-centeredness.
So, I'd say "don't be afraid". But I was. And like I was told "Courage is RIGHT ACTION, in the face of fear - not the absence of fear"
After you take this step and the promises it offers are experienced, it more than makes up for the feeling of fear. I feel, clean. I feel, whole. I feel, lucky and ready to move forward on this path. Each time I take it.
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