? about sex relations

[whiskeyjoe]

I'm in the process of doing my 4th step now. I was reading in the big book about sex relations, but I have a question. There's been a few people in my life that I've been intensely attracted to. However I never approached any of them to ask them out on a date or to get involved in any way. I have been in conversations with these people, but I always kept my distance. My -ism has rendered me socially inadequate. So with really liking some people, but never doing anything about it I've com to realize that I've been giving off creepy vibes. Would this go in the sex relations category, considering that I've never had sex with any of thee people.

When I think about them I get a negative emotion, but I can't figure out which one it is. I'm thinking they belong on a 4th step list.

Perhaps it doesn't matter where it goes. It belongs in my inventory. Maybe fear instead.

[omegasupreme]

Try applying those questions on page 69 to each one, be honest, and put it on paper, we see things better that way.

I had people show up on mine that I a)was never in a relationship with and b)I never had sex with.

[keithj]

Originally Posted by whiskeyjoe

... I've com to realize that I've been giving off creepy vibes. It belongs in my inventory.

If it were me, Joe, I'd definitely place the specific actions towards others somewhere in my inventory. If I didn't have any particular resentment associated with them, then it would probably end up in the sex inventory. The sex inventory is a lot more about how I relate to and treat others than it is about sex. Either way, I'm going to identify some fear associated with it, and that fear probably drives my actions towards them.

Then, when I get there in the Steps, I'm going to consider a better way than letting fear drive me. Faith and reliance on a higher power will lead me, in steps 6-7 to be willing have some of these insecurities and creepiness removed from me. A better way of conduct towards others will open up for me.

[whiskeyjoe]

The sex inventory is a lot more about how I relate to and treat others than it is about sex.

I think that this was the direction I was going in. When I think about it, my instincts tell me it's the right thing and it belongs on there.

Thanks.

[whiskeyjoe]

I have resentments against people that I don't even know. If there's some guy that I hate every time I see him, but don't know his name do I just write out a description of him?

[DayTrader]

sure........ Just put "guy I hate" or "guy from work" or whatever description you'll remember to associate with him. I've had ethnic groups, "types" of ppl (liberals, hippies, women, blacks, etc) women with hyphenated last names, you name it......all show up on my inventories. I've also written about things that even after trying I just wasn't sure what category they "should" go in so I just started writing about them.

Even though I believe in the 4 columns and there are definite reasons to do an inventory as it's suggested........If something is calling to you and you don't know where to put it.......just make sure you put it somewhere and discuss it when you hit step 5.

Congrats on working on your 4th though. It's a tough step but one of the most self-revealing things you can probably do for yourself. Good job.

[Tommyh]

sex is just what it says-sex
I was told and I did list every sex act I ever took part in that came to my mind after prayer

whether it be:
sex alone
sex with a man
sex with a woman
sex with a animal
sex with a object

We reviewed our own conduct over the years past.
Where had we been selfish
dishonest
inconsiderate
Whom had we hurt
Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy
suspicion
bitterness
Where were we at fault?
what should we have done instead?(this gave me a new sex ideal)
We got this all down on paper and looked at it.

I had a lot of a harms from this list
(We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm)
in meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.

if your situation does not fall under this section,it is probably something else and it may become clear to you a little later on.

based on what you first said,if it was me I, would say it is a fear(s)

[TheJungianThing]

One of the most revealing inventories I did about actual "sex" involved answering the questions outlined in the 12 and 12. Very profound experience with that.

They're in the 12 x 12, I've tried to transpose them here but might not be a bad idea to get the book and check the chapter out -- if your sponsor agrees.

Page 50

When, and how, and in just what instances did my selfish pursuit of the sex reltaion damage other people and me ? What people were hurt and how badly ? Did I spoil my marriage and injure my children ? Did I jeopardize my standing in the community ? Just how did I react to these situations at the time ? Did I burn with a guilt that nothing could extinguish ? Or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer, and thus absolve myself ?

How have ....

Page 51

(How have) I reacted to frustration in sexual matters ? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed > Did I take it out on other people > If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as a reason for promiscuity ?

From Page 52.

Looking at both past and present, what sex situations have caused me anxiety, bitterness, frustration or depression.

Appraising each situation fairly, can I see where I have been at fault ?

Did these perplexities beset me because of selfishness or unreasonable demands ?

Or if my disturbance was seemingly caused by the behavior of others, why do I lcack the ability to accept conditions I cannot change.

There's some debate over the worth of the 12 and 12, but, I've had some good experience with answering these questions and the others posed in the Chapter dedicated to Step 4.

Certainly revealing, for me anyway. Which I guess is what the 4th Step is supposed to be about.