instructions for step 4 - all in BB's 164 pages?

[LeadHatter]

Im currently reading the BB. Im just wondering are all the instructions for how to do '4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." contained within the BB.

I have almost finished reading chapter 5 how it works and its not altogether clear to me. Something about make a list of resentments and there is a table but im not 'getting it'. Something about remorse and fear and something about sex being like everything else. Although i have been told before 'there is a whole section on that[sex]' by more than one person in the past.

I dont have a sponsor right now i just want to learn how to do a step 4 by myself. The pioneers of AA had no sponsors. If i go back and re-read chapter 5 how it works over again and read all the 164 pages enough times will i 'figure it out'

[keithj]

Originally Posted by lednylo

The pioneers of AA had no sponsors.

Yes they did. Ebby showed Bill, Bill showed Bob, Bill and Bob showed Bob D., etc., what they had done to recover. Get a sponsor who can walk you through the directions in the BB. It will the best thing you ever do in AA.

4th Step has three inventories, resentment, fear, and sex. Start with resentment directions from pg 64. 'We set them on paper. We listed people. institutions, and principles with whom we were angry.'
That's the first column shown in Bill's example table. 2nd column is what they did or why we are angry. 3rd column is what of those 6-7 areas does it affect. Then the 4th column (or turnaround_ directions on pg 67. 'Putting out of our minds the wrongs other had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, and frightened?" There are a few more questions to answer.

Get a sponsor that knows this stuff.

[Peter G]

Originally Posted by lednylo

I dont have a sponsor right now i just want to learn how to do a step 4 by myself. The pioneers of AA had no sponsors. If i go back and re-read chapter 5 how it works over again and read all the 164 pages enough times will i 'figure it out'

The pioneers of AA also didn't have plenty of the things that we now do. A constant barrage of multi media ads for booze, a bar on every corner, a culture of socializing virtually built around the use of alcohol. The club scene has been so augmented since then, to compare would be redundant. They also didn't have many of the pressures that exist today for the adult. It's a different world than when the pioneers set out to get sober. It was a much simpler time back then, full stop.

They also didn't have precedents. We do. There are folks out there who have run this mile, and can show you where the potholes are, and what routes you can take that won't lead you to the edges of cliffs and up unnecessary hills.

Listen I'm no one to tell you the right and wrong of anything. But here's why I'm piping in, it's my own experience doing the steps without a sponsor (not by choice), starting April of 2010:

13 + months of sobriety, which I adored. I felt great, and felt like I knew that what I had received from the BB was exactly what was needed. However, one moment of complacency from the program I was working alone (AA steps + my own process) and just that quick and tiniest bit of losing my way led to a relapse that ended up putting me back in the ER and costing me dearly. This is all very recent as well, as in last week recent.

Since then, thanks to a friend from here, I have a sponsor now, and I can tell you that the experience of doing these steps with someone who knows the deal and can guide you properly is one big, massive, giant leap from trying to guess their real meaning on your own. Doing the step work myself (+my own little added program) was something that gave me the most sobriety I've ever enjoyed in my entire adult life, no doubt, but it also left me unnecessarily vulnerable to a relapse that didn't need to happen and likely wouldn't have happened at all, had I the fellowship of meetings and a sponsor to discuss the reasons behind my complacency. It's just that simple.

Having a sponsor now and back on step 1, I can tell you that for me it's just about 1000 x more powerful, insightful, searching, and clear as to what I missed trying on my own. My step 1 work alone dwarfs what I had assumed it should be.

BTW, I didn't do the steps on my own by choice, but where I am the AA meetings are not much for the work, it's too steeped in Catholicism. So this is why I opted for my own solution.

My advice is to get a sponsor and let them guide you, bump you, and if necessary, kick your ass throughout the process. Even if you need to find an online sponsor and do meetings and talks via skype it's a damn sight better than working through this stuff by shooting in the dark. All I have right now is an online connection with my sponsor, but I've already received so much literature, help, and guidance... well to put it mildly I had no clue what I was missing by doing on my own.

So, again, while I can't tell you how to do your thing, I would strongly suggest you at least try and find a sponsor somewhere, because having been where you are now, I can tell you I now fully understand why folks don't advise doing these steps on your own.

[LeadHatter]

Thanks for the directions. Helpful thankyou.

The example table has three columns it seems i think. Object of resentment, What we currently perceive as to the cause, and what[the resentment?] effects. I know i have just been advised to get a sponsor [fair advice] but im wondering where abouts in the BB the 'affects my' section areas are drawn from.

The table has Sex relations, self esteem, security, personal relationship and pride.

The preamble also mentions pocketbook [money/finances presumably] and ambitions so i guess they would make 7.

Ive only been to two face to face meetings [both painful] so i was hoping to figure this out without needing a sponsor.

[Peter G]

Originally Posted by lednylo

Thanks for the directions. Helpful thankyou.

The example table has three columns it seems i think. Object of resentment, What we currently perceive as to the cause, and what[the resentment?] effects. I know i have just been advised to get a sponsor [fair advice] but im wondering where abouts in the BB the 'affects my' section areas are drawn from.

The table has Sex relations, self esteem, security, personal relationship and pride.

The preamble also mentions pocketbook [money/finances presumably] and ambitions so i guess they would make 7.

Ive only been to two face to face meetings [both painful] so i was hoping to figure this out without needing a sponsor.

L,
If you have face to face issues, get an online sponsor. It's all I have access to at the moment. My sponsor lives in the Philippines, and I'm in Singapore. We talk via Skype. Half the time it's text chat so I can record what's being said and read it back.

Just as an example; today I was gonna say to hell with a meeting and play guitar, because I felt a little down. Then, out of nowhere I received a message from my sponsor saying "you need to get your a$$ to a meeting!". Low and behold I did, and it was a really excellent meeting and worth me getting that kick in the behind. I learned something new and wonderful from that meeting, something I would not have gleaned.

Speaking of which, they also have online skype meetings everyday somewhere in the world. In another thread of mine Susan Lauren mentioned something about a "loner" program set up, and also something called "lamplighter" which has something to do with online meetings. You should look into it.

Online is definitely not the perfect solution, but even as it is the only way I have right now, the guidance is enormously helpful. I can't even say enormously helpful, the difference is literally night and day.

[LeadHatter]

i went to an on line meeting today so im ok about on line meetings i would just rather try to understand my character flaws myself FIRST before eliciting the help of a sponsor.

I'm not saying i wouldn't want a sponsor to 'check over' work i had begun alone.

I've just looked up AA loners now its on online AA group ? I have two online AA groups thanks so i feel ignorant now but i sobered up on soberrecovery.com so thats why i post here Although i say i have two AA groups i actually only went to my first AA online meeting outside of soberrecovery.com [which isnt technically a AA meeting] today. So im ok about that i just want to have a trial run at step 4 before involving a sponsor.

Im ACOA so i dont like authority much

[Peter G]

Originally Posted by lednylo

i went to an on line meeting today so im ok about on line meetings i would just rather try to understand my character flaws myself FIRST before eliciting the help of a sponsor.

I'm not saying i wouldn't want a sponsor to 'check over' work i had begun alone.

I've just looked up AA loners now its on online AA group ? I have two online AA groups thanks so i feel ignorant now but i sobered up on soberrecovery.com so thats why i post here

Pretty much your story is exactly how I got sober also. SR was my savior to start, and then I discovered the BB and did what I could. When I had thoughts or questions about the steps I came to this section of the forum to read. It was the combination of both that helped me keep on keeping on for 13 and a half months.

As for the loner thing, you may want to get in touch with Susan Lauren, I'm certainly no expert. I had help getting a sponsor from a friend here at SR, so I never had to pursue it that way. I also believe there is some sort of online AA sponsor ning site that you can sign up for and ask around. Here's the link (link) I just found that on a cursory google search.

Like I said, I managed 13 months and a bit, thanks to what I learned here and through my own work with the BB. That's no small thing. And I am still very proud of that. But I can't impress enough how much more you gain from this work through a mentor.

All I can suggest is that you simply put it out there that you need a sponsor. Ask around, ask here. Check out that link above. It's up to you how you want to do your work, but I can say that "understanding your own character flaws first" isn't something you can necessary glean introspectively. Sometimes it really does take an outside view to see the forest from the trees. No doubt you'd catch many flaws or chinks in the armor, I know I definitely did. Having said that, it may just be the one you miss that ends up putting you at risk down the road.

And let's be honest, it was our own "understanding" of things that got us to the position of being drunks in the first place, so I'd think twice about trusting that person to guide you through something so important.

Just MHO, but I hope it offers you a different perspective .

[LeadHatter]

13 months was a good achievement

[LeadHatter]

Darklight did you do that for fears also or is that the resentments and you did fears differently. Thanks for the message helpful appreciate that

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by lednylo

i was hoping to figure this out without needing a sponsor.

I did the same thing for a while....but it was consistently impressed upon me by the one person I DID trust (a therapist I was court ordered to see at the time) that if I really wanted to stay sober and get/stay happy, it'd make my goal a million times easier to accomplish if I found a sponsor. Eventually, she got even more forceful and started really putting the screws to me.......so finally I caved and got a sponsor.

Once again..........I found out just how silly my old thinking was. I should have gotten a sponsor RIGHT AWAY.......but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not me......... lol.

Go get a sponsor, it'll make things a LOT easier than trying to go it alone...using the same mind's judgement that GOT you to where you are now.

As for inventory, there are hundreds.....maybe thousands of ways to do a personal inventory. If you're in AA though, and you're trying to get sober and happy by working the AA program........then I'd highly recommend using the AA inventory in the Big Book. Everyone seems to have an inventory recommendation.......ignore all that white noise though. Do you want do do what's worked for 75 yrs or what some dope at a meeting or someone online is saying is working for him or her. If you're going to do AA, then do AA - don't cut corners, don't substitute and don't mess around.

There's a line in the book about working the program: Half measures availed us nothing -- In other words half-measures don't get you half results in AA......they get you NO results. So again, if your plan is to work the AA program, work the ONE program we have- the 12 steps.......and save yourself a couple years or more of grief trying to figure things out and correct mistakes by getting a sponsor / asking for help.

[Tommyh]

it would be a lot easier on your self to get a f2f sponsor,seriously,you are doing this the hard way

[PaperDolls]

Originally Posted by lednylo

Im ACOA so i dont like authority much

I'm ACOA as well. Sponsorship isn't about authority at all. It's about helping you work the steps. That's it.

I wouldn't have been able to get through the steps myself. That's just me.

It's worth a shot, right?