LIVING THE 4th

[visch1]

OK folks I need some ideas/thoughts/pearls for this alkies dysfunctional area between the ears. My problem is insight when I’m disturbed by one or more of my defects. My problem is that a lot of times I’ll react to a situation too quickly and say something that’s realy not appropriate. Lets say my DW suggests a purchase of some item we can afford, my reaction might be the old one is good enough in a tone or manner she calls insensitive.
I see what I call pearls on occasion that help, but not enough. HELP!

[DayTrader]

Good that you've recognized that as part of your inventory. Since this is in the fourth step forum, you might find that if you do some digging you can discover why it is you do that.

As far as what to do.....a lot of "defects" I just have to be more conscious of and work more diligently on. Not every one of them just "goes away" once we get sober, inventory them and ask for help.

As was suggested over and over and over to me......(and I found it helpful)......do some writing on that one......why you think you do it, what your payoff is, why you think it's ok to talk to your wife the way you want to vs. the way she wants you to......etc. I bet you'll find some interesting stuff in there. I sure did.

[Veritas1]

Originally Posted by visch1

OK folks I need some ideas/thoughts/pearls for this alkies dysfunctional area between the ears. My problem is insight when I’m disturbed by one or more of my defects. My problem is that a lot of times I’ll react to a situation too quickly and say something that’s realy not appropriate. Lets say my DW suggests a purchase of some item we can afford, my reaction might be the old one is good enough in a tone or manner she calls insensitive.
I see what I call pearls on occasion that help, but not enough. HELP!

Sounds like a good step 11 review in the book may be helpful...

We pause when agitated...(p.87, 4th edition)

pause, breathe, pray...God save me from being angry.



I thought of a couple of other things...as I think about being mean to another, snapping at them...(I can relate!)

Reminds me of the part in How it works...about how we can be mean, self centered....might consider that.

Also...the consequences of us being mean...

12&12 p.91, Step Ten

One unkind tirade or one willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole day, or maybe a whole year.

[Tommyh]

one thing that helped me was when I read in the 12x12 - step 10
it mentioned the first thing we do is we try and develop self restraint

sometimes when I take a breath before launching my big mouth,it really does the trick.
it also gives my HP a chance to get in there before I take matters into my own hands
and most of the times,screw something up

[Veritas1]

I literally lightly bite my tongue sometimes!