Staring at my inventory

[Maryjan]

Well, I think I've finished my inventory. Ugh. I can't wait to lay this on someone (therapist) on Thursday and move the hell on.

[keithj]

Maryjan, are you working this with a sponsor? Following the directions between pages 65-end of chapter for resentment, fear, sex and harms inventories? I'd hate to see you get short changed because someone wasn't willing to go through those directions with you.

[DayTrader]

Not so sure about "moving on." I've found the program works better when I'm working it.....not necessarily when I've workED it. Maybe 1 inventory will work for you. It didn't for me though....nor did it for most of the ppl I hang with in the fellowship. Cycling back through the steps and getting a new experience with all the steps is really cool. You learn and get exponentially more each time through.

If nothing else, it's good that you got your first one done though. I short changed myself, skipped some stuff, didn't write some things down, etc etc and found I really needed to go back and be more thorough......but that's part of the fun in it.

[Maryjan]

Thank you both. I do have a sponsor, but she is pretty hands-off. I am going directly from the big book, with all the inventories. I am really looking forward to the freedom I have heard can come with step five. This is hard.

[Maryjan]

Well, I lay out all the messy mistakes and now it's done. Phew. That was not easy.

[Kjell]

I remember when I was finally done writing my step 4 and after going over it with my sponsor, I didn't feel any relief.

What I had was a big pile of crap in front of me and I couldn't hide from who I was any longer.

Painful to look at, but so important in my recovery.

Great job!

Kjell

[Wildflower22]

Congradz Maryjan. You have to be a strong person to be able to look at yourself critically. You’re growing and I hope you find peace in step 5! : )
I am all ready to start my 4th step. I want to be sure I get everything out I can right now. DayTrader- multiple inventories makes sense- I am just starting my life sober so I may not even realize who I truly am without alcohol. I do not have a sponsor because I am leaving in 7 days to join the Army so this is my last step for a while. I think I am going to make my first inventory and then go over it with a sponsor in 6 months when I am done with training. Is there a worksheet or something in the Big Book? I didn’t see anything- I have the iPhone app which says it includes the whole book. Are there page numbers anyone could give me?

[CarolD]

Wildflower22...

Check out the chapter :How It Works"

Thank you for your coming military service

[CatWings]

I don't understand how doing a fourth step about people or things you feel bad about has to turn into character defects about one's self? I've had enough shame put on me in my life and I'm worried I'm going to be traumatized by more unnecessary shame by a sponser if I do and share my fourth step. I imagine this is something that gets all turned into bad things about me - even if I was a child? I remember my sponser said to me that I get to look at all the things I've done, but honestly, I wasn't the kind of alcoholic who went around ripping people off, ruining my family, etc. etc. The person I most harmed was myself. But i can't include myself on this list?
I also have have kind of worked through some resentments and don't feel I have them most days. I have also made some amends to my parents already. So I guess just do the fourth step as I can do it with the few resentments I have and take it from there.

I mean no disrespect, but I feel that the basis of this program (and this step) was made for male alcoholics who needed to deal with ego issues and things they did while drinking. I mostly drank alone to quell bipolar mania or emotions.

Actually, I can think of som major resentments I had and the part I had in it so I will just do this. It's just that some days I don't feel resentful at all.

[Kjell]

I don't understand how doing a fourth step about people or things you feel bad about has to turn into character defects about one's self? I've had enough shame put on me in my life and I'm worried I'm going to be traumatized by more unnecessary shame by a sponser if I do and share my fourth step.

I think you need to talk to your sponsor b/c doing a fourth step is exactly that - taking a fearless and moral inventory of ourselves.

...and your sponsor isn't helping you do this to put shame on you. It's simply a tool to uncover who you are and to see patterns in our behavior.

but honestly, I wasn't the kind of alcoholic who went around ripping people off, ruining my family, etc. etc.

Most of us are this way. Trust me when I say you're not unique and you're one of many.

Please don't overthink this and stay willing, honest, and openminded while working the steps.

If you try to poke holes in the process, you will, but at what cost?

Don't get ahead of yourself or the step your on as they're put in order for a reason.

Good luck!
Kjell~

[GettingStronger2]

I'm currently working on my inventory. I started it way back in December, but due to circumstances, sort of put my program on hold. I am back, working with my sponsor, and redoing and finishing my inventory.

When i started the process, i didn't know anything. Looking at it again, I still know very little, but i can see I was less than thorough and completely honest in my first go round.

The first time i started this, it was hard and uncomfortable. It is still both of those, but also very liberating and thought provoking. My attitude has changed, which is part of it.

Your sponsor should not go through it to judge or criticize you. If that is holding you back, you need to speak with your sponsor about it. Not the point of the 4th and 5th steps, in my opinion.