suggestions and possible answers

[Juancho]

So it's time for me to start on my step 4 and I have a couple of questions. One, does a person need to have a sponsor to start his or her step 4? Second, can anyone give me a good example of selfishness? I read step 4 last night in my 12 x 12, but this must be harder for me than for others. I'm hoping that if I could at least get one good example, I should be able to start on my list. Anything will help. Thank-you!

[ANGELINA243]

It is recommended that one have a sponsor to help guide them through the steps--which includes Step 4. You can go by the book as far as following the outline, but it was helpful to me to have someone explain it to me more thoroughly.

An example of selfishness can simply be me putting alcohol before anyone/anything else. I hurt alot of people--including family members, friends, employers by putting alcohol first.

As far as writing a 4th step and sharing a 5th step--a sponsor can help you see (or point out) in different situations where you have been selfish, self-seeking, dishonest etc.

[Taking5]

A sponsor is like a trainer. I don't know what you do for a living, but can you imagine becoming an auto mechanic without someone teaching you? A computer programmer? A barber?

I know I can't. Even with a college degree you need some kind of mentor. A sponsor is no different. Go get one, please.

[PaperDolls]

I needed my sponsor to help me understand what I was supposed to do in step 4. I don't think I could have done it on my own.

[Lushwell]

The outcome of your efforts will be about as good as the person guiding you through this. There ain't extra points for going this alone.

Back in the ol' days, settlers could strike out on their own and cross the wilderness. Most fell to the elements, nature and natives. We wince and call them victims. Other settlers, seeing this, gathered together, believing there was strength in numbers. A pooling of resources. They designated a Wagon Master, based on his knowledge, experience and ability to lead. Those people made possible what we now call California. Something sprung from nothing 'cause they all banded together, led by someone who knew the way. The others went in with nothing and paid the price.

Get a Wagon Master. Or pay the price.

There is relief in adopting these steps. Don't cheat yourself of all they offer.

[bdiddy5522]

I am not the first one to suggest this, but I am hoping if enough people tell you that it will sink in. It is very important to have a sponsor. Obviously if you are in AA you know how important they are. It is talked about at pretty much every meeting. Don't be afraid to ask someone to be your sponsor. Most of them are more than willing to help.

I hope this helps. You need someone that knows what they are doing to take you by the hand and help you.

[shaun00]

I completed my first inventory with the guidance of a sponsor.

For me..looking back im glad i did.

Normally a alcoholic can spot BS coming from another alcoholic...and there was a fair bit coming from me....part of me was still happy to skim...duck...and run.
the truth is painful and uncomfortable sometimes..
It got nailed but after much guidance from my then sponsor.

Ive just finished a 14 hour shift......im done.......and coming down my lane i met a car coming the other way.
For a moment....i thought.....you back mate cos im not...
of course i back-up....and wave politely.......but for a second i wanted to be selfish....the world does revolve around me right?

good luck.

[Juancho]

Thanks for all of your suggestions. It looks like I need to find myself a sponsor.