A 4th Step Experience

[lander]

I just started my step 4 a few days ago. I won’t say I fully understand the process or have a great grasp of all the finer points of this step or even the whole program. That’s why I have a sponsor who is guiding me thru the steps and I am grateful for that.

I do understand that the 4th step is about clearing away anger and resentments from the past.

I had a first hand experience with the burdens of my past coming back to haunt me and it just showed me how important this 4th step is.

A few months ago I wrote a letter that was never intended to be sent, it was just a therapeutic letter to get out all my emotional negativity that I was feeling at that moment out.

However, instead of throwing the letter away or burning it I hid the letter.

Then the person that it was written to accidently found it and read it. This situation caused so much turmoil for both of us and I felt terrible.

It hit me today that this is the same problem that has always been going on for me. I hold onto my emotional baggage just like I held onto that letter and in the end it will always come back to haunt me and cause pain to those around me no matter how well I hide it or how deep down I put it. It will always come back unless I throw it away. Unless I really get rid of it.


That is the importance of the fourth step…getting rid of negative feelings of the past and being able to move on with out the past coming back to hurt you over and over.

I think god had him find that letter to show me the importance of working the program.

Also, on a positive note, because of the drama and pain the finding of the letter caused he started going to al anon which I am so grateful for.

Even though I though everything in my life had come to an end and my relationship was over and everything was terrible I held onto my higher power and things turned out to not be as bad as I thought they were and good things came from them.

[sugErspun]

Yes - the fourth step is about gettting rid of that which blocks me from you, me and God.

To face and be rid of is critical to recovery. Sounds like you have a good sponsor - guide....

Just write it down, all of it.

[McGowdog]

That's a sad story (about the guy finding your letter) but I had a similar experience.

My ex-wife left me for a coworker and I was a bit resentful. She wound up with the guy and we sold the house and we had no kids but he had a wife and two young children. After drinking at her, I came back to AA and started an inventory. At work I'd get these rageful thoughts and would jot them down on a sticky to later transfer to the 1st column of my inventory. Some of these stickys fell out of my pocket and someone at my work found them and she had the same name as my ex. I heard she freaked out a bit. Someone explained to her about my ex but she still thought I was some kind of freak. She'd be right about that one fo sho.

So I'm sober now and married happily. I do inventory yearly and I tell my wife that if she should ever get a hold of my inventory, she will probably see her name come up. If she ever gets snoopy and decides to read it, then that's her problem, because she just became responsible for it. In the end, the first 3 columns are just ego talk and a lie anyway. Our 1st column and 2nd column are the truth as we then see it, but it's not about the person, place, or principle we're writing about. It's about our life and our own ego at that moment.

We don't hold anything back in our inventory. It is for this reason that I now only write in a spiral notebook and I keep it by my side and am very careful to never leave it laying around. It's mine. It's personal. It's none of anybody but one other person's (person you 5th step with) business. Oh, and God. And I only 5th step with another recovered alky who will be helpful and not effected by it.

[fenster67]

is the fourth step the one where you tell your sponsor?