Character defects and the Big Book

[nandm]

This thread is a listing of some of the character defects and where they are referred to in the Big Book as well as thoughts on each.

Please feel free to add to this thread.

[nandm]

Anger

We asked ourselves why we were angry
64:21

We asked ourselves why we were angry.

The directions for the second column are simple; we write down why we were angry. As we develop insight, we will see that our interpretation of events is not always accurate. Many of us have found it helpful to list the facts and write only what actually happened rather than our interpretation. As an example we could write, "My spouse told me to slow down." This is what actually happened. An example of how we might interpret the events is an attack upon our competency as a driver and an attempt by our spouse to control our actions. Our interpretation of the event should be saved for the third colum, where we describe what in us was affected by the event.


to live we had to be free of anger
66:14

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger.

To be free of something is to be out from under its control. We are not suggesting that we must be without anger. However, it is essential that we be in control of this powerful emotion and not the other way around. Our Creator gave us the ability to be angry so that we could protect ourselves, not so that our anger could harm us and those we love.

anger prayer
67:5

God save me from being angry.

This prayre is a method of accessing Divine Power to accomplish what we are unable to do for ourselves. We decide to change our minds and we ask God to change our hearts. By repeatedly trying to practive this spiritual principle, we live our way into a new way of thinking.

the first principle of success
111:1

The first principle of success is that you should never be angry.

[nandm]

revolutionize our
25:8

The great fact is just this, and nothing less: that we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences, which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows, and toward God's universe.

This is the author's description of a spiritual awakening. These are the results of the abandonment of one's life to the care of God and the willingness to seek and follow God's guidance in all things. So much is available to us when we are willing to pay the price which is the destruction of self-centeredness.

maintain a certain simple
26:20

He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

This simple attitude is described earlier in this chapter (25:8-10). Our spiritual fitness requires maintenance and our willingness is a result of our admission of powerlessness. The moment we think that we have power over alcohol and that we can manage our own lives we cease to be willing to accept spiritual help.

cast aside
27:12

Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly east to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.

What the great physician describes here is a change sufficient to overcome alcoholism. When Dr. Jung uses words such as "huge" he is nto describing a slight change of attitude but an entire 180 degree turn away from our failed way of viewing and reacting to life. The things in us that have caused our failure have to be utterly abandoned and an entirely new way of life adopted. The more firmly we cling to our old ways the more slowly this revolutionary change will take place in our lives.

we cannot fail
55:16

With this attitude you cannot fail.

sincerely take a position
63:1

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed.

The position we take is one that is God centered rather than self-centered. This is the position we must assume to have God begin to work in our lives. This is the beginning of our new life and the end of our agnosticism. Reliance upon God comes as a result of our direct personal experience with this Power solving problems for us that we could never solve on our own.

new relationship with our creator
72:2

We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path.

To view those who harm us as spiritually ill, to see that the reason for our fears i that we believe we have only ourselves to rely upon and to realize that our selfishness is the cause of our sex problems, is to encompass the new attitude we have been attempting to develop. In each fourth step list we have been given suggestions for prayer. To deal with our resentments we pray to be released from the control that our anger has on us (67:5). To out grow our fear we ask God to remove our fears and direct our attention to what God would have us be (68:22). To address our sex problems we ask God to mold our ideals and give us the strength to live up to them (69:18) as well as to show us what we should do about each matter (69:23). These practical prayers are the beginning of our new relationship with God.

change of
84:5

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Our attitude towards life and our view of the world based on self-centered fear are changed as a result of practicing these spiritual principles. We live our way into a new way of thinking.

it works if
86:1

It works, if we have the proper attitude and work at it.

When we admit we really do need God and can not manage our own lives, we are able to seek God with a willingness that is unavailable to us for as long as we hold on to the idea that self-sufficiency will someday result in our happiness.

new
99:13

This means a new attitude and spirit around us.

requires a transformation
143:9

To get over drinking will require a transformation of thought and attitude.

saves from a living death
150:2

They have a new attitude, and they have been saved from a living death.

[nandm]

Criticize

never be critical
13:13

Never was I to be critical of them.

we avoid retaliation or arguement
67:7

We avoid retaliation or argument.

we try to disregard other's faults
67:14

Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other persons involvement entirely.

under no condition do we
77:18

Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue.

other's faults are not discussed
78:1

His faults are not discussed.

other's faults do not concern us
98:16-18

He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and fault-finding are to be avoided like leprosy. In many homes this is a difficult thing to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected.

[nandm]

13:10

My school mate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies.

[nandm]

25:4

Almost none of us liked the self searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

This program works. We may apply it to our lives if we choose to. Should we desire to give the AA program a try, this paragraph lists a few of the requirements for success.

[nandm]

50:1

[nandm]

59:12

Admitted to god, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

[nandm]

59:13

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

[nandm]

59:14

Humbly asked Him to remover our shortcomings

[nandm]

Selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, or afraid

67:13

Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened?

[nandm]

Inconsiderate

69:11

Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate?

Our selfish and self-centered basis for life also affects our sex lives and relationships. We lie to and manipulate others to get our way. We disregard the best interests and well being of others. We cause great harm physically, mentally, and spiritually to those we come in contact with.

[nandm]

Arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness

69:13

Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?

We list each such instance where we feel our conduct has awakened these feelings in others. These feelings may arouse a desire to retaliate that is very hard to break free of and has destroyed many relationships.

[nandm]

Exact nature of our defects.

72:5

This requires action on our parts, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our defects.

This is not a self-help program. This is a method by which we may gain access to God's help. God removes those defects of character that we have admitted block our usefulness to God and our fellows. We must willingly participate in this process if we are to realize its benefits. By taking the Fifth Step, we place ourselves in the best position to receive God's help.

[nandm]

Discussing our defects.

72:7

This is perhaps difficult---especially discussing our defects with another person.

This is perhaps difficult" seems humorous, as much an understatement as "At some of these we balked" (58:10). The authors know us well.

[nandm]

The family may see their own.

99:3

Little by little the family may see their own defects and admit them.

[nandm]

Not going to disappear overnight

100:12

You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear over night.

The world does not change. We do. Our attitudes and outlooks on life are changed as we prove to ourselves that we actually can rely upon God. We live our way into this new way of thinking. We cahnge our actions and our thinking follows. It is a wonderfully practical and effective way of producing the entire psychic change that we must have if we are to live.

[nandm]

Willingness to remedy our own

118:12

If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other.

[nandm]

[nixs]

Interesting thread-i do not actually list defects (in 4, 5, 7 or 7) other then selfish-dishonest-ss-and afriad instead i write how (short description) i have been selfish-ss-dishonest and afriad that way i get to see and experience my defects rather then just listing a word! In short my defects show in my behavior and attitudes!

Rich