Today's Step

[nandm]

Day 1

Looking for the Good

"Every morning I get up and look at the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work." Robert Orben.

Beginning the Fourth Step tends to create a feeling of impending doom in many of us. We devise various ingenious methods of delaying, detouring, or deferring our personal housecleaning. The fear that many shameful skeletons will emerge from our closet leavces us procrastinating indefinitely lest we forfeit what self-esteem we have left.

During a group therapy session, a counselor whe had gained the respect of the people there, asked this question, "If I were alone with you---just you and I talking---would you be willing to tell me something about yourself you'be never told anyone else?"

The reactions were mixed. Some said "Yes." Some said they weren't sure they would. Some said their lives were an open book and they had nothing to hide.

"Tell me then," said the counselor, "who among you has thought of something good about yourself?" No one had.

Our inventory needs to include both assets and liabilities. It is a fact-finding mission similiar to those done in the business world to assess where a company stands in order to create greater success and productivity.

Today's step: I have the courage to look at both my strengths and my weaknesses.

Step by Step, meditations for living the Twelve Steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Acting As Our Own Consultant

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." Anonymous

Although we've admitted that our lives have become unmanageable, and have acknowledged that we're no longer in the driver's seat, we hesitate to tackle this phase of our recovery. We're filled with free-floateing anxiety about what will be revealed. The Scottish prayer: "From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties, and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us." is an apt description of our uneasiness.

At this point it's good to step back and look at ourselves objectively. We're like a consultant hired to confer with a business firm that isn't performing up to its optimum potential. As our own consultant, we can see that our inventory is not an indictment--actually it's a blueprint for success.

Making the inventory allows us to see where our compulsive behavior has created havoc in our personal lives. It allows us to see the pattern that has led to imbalances in our body, mind and spirit. Taking a good hard look at our assets and liabilities helps us decide how we can create a more satisfying future.

Today's Step: My inventory gives me the opportunity to improve upon my past.

Step By Step, meditations for living the 12 steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Beginning the Assessment

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work." Anonymous

Our inventory is really an assessment of where we are today. But in order to understand where we want to go, it is necessary to look at where we've been. We need to know which of our actions created negative results, not only for ourselves, but also for others. Then we need to uncover the cause of those actions.

When we continue to experience "bad luck" in situation after situation, when we feel people are treating us unfairly through no fault of our own, isn't it interesting that the single common denominator in each case is that we were there? Chances are, if we were the only member of the cast on stage in each scenario, it was probable that our performance was the one out of sync.

When we remember that people are not doing things to us, but are doing things for themselves, we can release those old familiar feelings of being a victim.

When we begin to question whether our current thinking and actions are bringing us growth and satisfaction, we can direct our attention away from blaming others and focus it where it needs to be--on ourselves.

Switching our focus in no way diminishes us as people. Rather than condemning ourselves, what we're doing is freeing ourselves from the bondage of self.

Todays Step: I release blame as I examine my own part in each situation.

Step By Step, meditations for living the 12 steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 4

Dancing with the seven deadly sins---Pride

"It's a find thing to rise above pride, but you must have pride in order to do so." Georges Bernanos, The Diary of a Country Priest.

One way to begin our inventory is to use as a framework the seven deadly sins: pride, lust, greed, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth.

Let's start with pride. It has many facets to consider. The dictionary defines pride as a sense of one's own dignity, or value, or self-respect, as well as pleasure or satisfaction taken in one's work, achievements, or possesions. Only at the end of the entry is pride defined as an excessively high opinion of oneself, that it, conceit.

If we're doing a true inventory, the positive aspects of pride need to take their place in our survey. Denying our positive attributes is an inverse form of snobbery: If we can't be the best, then we'll take pride in being the worst.

Grandiosity and perfectionism are symptoms of pride. When we strut, preen, condescend, and display a superior attitude, what we're really doing is wearing a mask to cover our deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. We're like the blowfish, which when threatened by its enemies, blows up to an enormous size to prevent them from attacking.

We take pride in our ability to outwit and outsmart people; in our superiority in the cars we drive, the houses we live in, the clothes we wear, and our artistic or business sense. In proper balance, these things are all positive attributes. But when we flaunt them to make others unhappy, they take on a negative aspect.

Today's Step: I take pride in my willingness to let go of false pride.

Step By Step. Muriel Zink

[savoy]

Muriel Zink has not worked the steps, thats apparent.
The direction do not call for asset lists.

Putting directions in which aren't there is worse than taking directions out.

Boy, theres charlatans as far as the eye can see.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by savoy

Muriel Zink has not worked the steps, thats apparent.
The direction do not call for asset lists.

Putting directions in which aren't there is worse than taking directions out.

Boy, theres charlatans as far as the eye can see.

Once again thank you for you OPINION.

But as far as I can see you do not personally know the author, nor do you work her program therefore you can not truly judge if she has or has not worked the steps.

One could make the same judgement of you as your opinions are very frequently negative and non productive; both of which are not a part of the recovery process as laid out in the Big Book.

[nandm]

Day 5

Pride and Criticism

"Pride is the lack of one's own faults." Hebrew Proverb

There are two kinds of pride: One in which we approve of ourselves and the other in which we cannot accept ourselves. However, once pride is purged of its false properties it becomes a useful tool, a positive factor in growth and self-esteem.

The tenacity with which we holdon to certain characteristics is easy to understand once we realize that these characteristics provide protective armor shielding us from contempt or criticism by others.

None of us welcome criticism. It's simply human nature to view most criticism as destructive---and this makes it difficult to accept when it's meant to be constructive. We try to defend ourselves from it with the same type of energy that we use to defend ourselves from danger, hunger, or disease.

Coming to terms with the destructive side of pride is probably one of the most difficult, yet positive things we can do to break through our exquisite denial system. It's been said that self-pride, which is much like vanity, is like a magnet pointing to only one object----self. As a result, it repels everyone else.

In "The Nun's Story," the Novice who had tried to please her Mother Superior confessed in chapel, "Dear Lord, when I find myself fulfilling all my responsibilities, then I am guilty of the sin and pride."

Today's Step:I can accept true pride as a useful tool.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[mike_mass]

Thanks for the post on pride, nandm. I, like others, struggle with pride. What makes it difficult to overcome is the fact that my underlying uncertainties look to pride as a sort of defense mechanism. Staying sober and getting older have helped to temper this, as I've learned to just accept myself for who I am, warts and all.

[Rob B]

Why is non AA material being used in this designated AA Step Study forum?

The program of recovery in AA are the steps outlined in the book. This is not open to debate. Do a lot of people incorporate non AA work into their recovery, sure, I do as well.
Do I share my outside spiritual practices or beliefs with a brand new person going through the work for the 1st time, Absolutlely Not. I stick to the book.My concern is our singleness of purpose. With so many different messages out their, which one is the newcomer going to hang his life on.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Why is non AA material being used in this designated AA Step Study forum?

The program of recovery in AA are the steps outlined in the book. This is not open to debate. Do a lot of people incorporate non AA work into their recovery, sure, I do as well.
Do I share my outside spiritual practices or beliefs with a brand new person going through the work for the 1st time, Absolutlely Not. I stick to the book.My concern is our singleness of purpose. With so many different messages out their, which one is the newcomer going to hang his life on.

Thank you for your opinion. If you do not find it useful then please don't read it or start a thread you find useful. There is not reason to put negativity in a thread that is helpful and useful to others.

There are many people who find it beneficial to be open minded and hear the process of the steps broken down in a way they can understand. The Big Book is a great tool and is the primary source of interpretations of the steps but for many it does not explain them in a way that is understandable or makes sense. To those this format is offered. There are no clear cut rules for a Step Study.

[nandm]

Day 6

Dealing with guilt, shame, and anger

"In order to change we must be sick and tired of being sick and tired." anonymous.

Compulsive and/or addictive diseases are not predictable. Why some people become hooked into a progressive debilitation and others do not remains something of a mystery.

The onset of such diseases is obscure in time, cause and progression. While the symptoms may not necessarily follow a classic course, the results are typically negative. This makes it hard for us to wade through the maze of characteristics that compromise our dilemma and to admit sole responsibility.

Guilt, shame and anger often make us retreat from such candor. We feel guilt as self-reproach; shame because we sense that others will, or have, lost respect for us because of improper behavior, and anger mainfests itself as the desire to place blame or fight back.

If we were able to go back in our memory and pinpoint the exact details of when and how we began to lose control, we still might not be able to understand how we ended up on this roller coaster ride to disaster.

Today's Step: I release my shame, guilt,and anger over my disease.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 7

Sex

"This sex instinct is one of the three or four prime movers in all that wew do and are and drea, both individually and collectively." Phillip Wylie

In times gone by, lust was considered one of the most deadly of the seven sins. Today we have a far more liberal view. Explicit sex scenes in movies and TV depict lust as a normal "boy meets girl" activity. Unfortunately, this allows us to feel that our own sexual excesses have been legitimized.

Many of us have been guilty of using sex as a means to justify our ends. We have been unfaithful to our spouses, or if we were single, have knowingly had affairs with others who were married at the time. We have seduced just for the thrill of seduction, with no concern or respect for the person with whom we've had intercourse. We've demanded that our partners submit to our own carnal desires and erotic fantasies without any concern for their feelings. We've withheld sex as a means of punishment, or to demonstrate our own power and superiority.

Today's Step: I now have the courage to look at my sexual conduct honestly.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 8

Covetousness

"If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill." Danish Proverb

Covetousness is the excessive desire for another's possessions. When addictive behavior and a disintegrating personality have brought about a loss of money, property, and prestige, it's easy to see why we experience ourselves as victims. Our excesssive longing for other people's possessions is really about our own sense of loss. This is what makes it important at this stage of recovery to be very honest about how the losses in our life really came about.

Admitting our own shortcomings means that we accetp the fact that we're responsible for our lack. Realistically, we must also acknowledge that, even if we weren't in this sorry state, there will always be those who, by virtue of birth, good fortune, ability, or talent, will accomplish and posses more than us.

Despite all the self-help books on how to achieve fame and fortune, many of us will never attain the success enjoyed by the jet set or the financial wizards who are paraded across our consciousness by the media. When we're dealing with covetnousness, we need to acknowledge that we must have all experienced the very human reaction of wishing that we, too, had all these possessions. But what we must strive to do is rid ourselves of any active animosity toward those who are more fortunate than us.

Today's Step: I acknowledge my envy of other's successes.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 9

Anger

"In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior." Francis Bacon

Anger is a perfectly normal feeling. But society judges it as if it were an evil demon, warping our intelligence and judgment. In reality, anger is a feeling of displeasure resulting from injury, mistreatment or opposition. Our reaction to feelings of displeasure is to fight back at the supposed cause of these feelings. This is quite understandable.
And yet, anger has many faces. It may take on the aspects of indignation, rage, fury, wrath or hostility.

Indignation is a typical response to things that seem unjust, mean or insulting. At times we respond to this feeling impulsively, or with negative behavior that we then defend as righteous. Wrath and hostility imply deep indignation. These are feelings of enmity or ill will that push us toward revenge or punishment.

All too often, anger manifests itself in violent outbursts bordering on madness. In these irrational moments, we may have done harm to other persons or their possessions. "Crimes of passion" frequently result from such outbursts.

If we have used anger to act out in the past, the time has now come for us to reassess the price we've paid for that behavior. It's not a sin to feel angry---but we need not act on the feeling.

Today's Step: I can feel and recognize my anger without venting it on others.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 10

Glutony, Envy, and Sloth

"Sin is an acronym for 'self-inflicted nonsense,' Fear an acronym for 'false evidence appearing real.'" anonymous.

Gluttony, envy, and sloth round out our review of the seven deadly sins. It's not hard to see how they influence actions and emotions that work against our feelings of well-being and self-acceptance. A wise sage once said, "All we want is all there is----and then some."

Gluttony can certainly be equated with greed as well as with stuffing ourselves with large amounts of food. Gluttony is often fueled by the fear that we won't "get ours": that somehow we will be shortchanged in life.

We never seem to have enough money, enough recognition, enough property, enough sex, enough entertainment, enough toys. We continually compare our insides to other people's outsides, and without realizing it, we shift from "keeping up with the Joneses" to "keeping ahead of the Joneses," never quite realizing how unreasonable these demands on ourselves may be. Then, when we fail to achieve our unreasonable goals, we brand those who have succeeded as opportunists and charlatans, assuming that those who have climbed the ladder of success have done so by squashing every "have not" who stood in their way.

Many of us have experienced the frustration that envy creates. As a result, we give up on life and descend into the pits of inactivity and procrastination. And these add up to sloth. We become drop-outs in the game of life, blaming our failures on everything and everybody but ourselves.

Today's Step: I have enough

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[scootinbabe]

Thank you. This is very helpful. My sponsor suggested that I go through the seven deadly sins as part of step 4 and I wasn't quite sure what they all were (!) and how to assess them within myself.

This will help me on my journey of self-discovery.