Back to the Book

[DonaldS]

Going back to the book, here's what I see:

1) The "first requirement" is that I be convinced that my self-will has led to failure, not to success (BB, 60). I saw that in Step One, so I have no problem admitting it--now, do I accept the fact?

2) Selfishness/Self-centeredness is the root of my troubles. Above all, I must be rid of it--or it will kill me (BB 62). And all this time, I thought that booze was the problem; that booze was killing me. It is only a symptom of the deeper trouble.

3) Here is how: Quit playing God. Then decide that, hereafter, He is the Director (BB, 62).

No, I'm not seeing Step Three as a place I pass through quickly on the way to Step Four. This could be a big part of my failure to really grasp the program thus far. Step Three calls for me to take a sincere position (BB, 63) not to just give mental assent and dive right into an inventory. I'm going to chew on this step and get some nourishment from it--nourishment that will be sorely needed when I dive into the slush pile of debris from my alcoholic ego.

What's your take?

[ananda]

I'm thinking the same, but i'm gonna stay open minded till I have a chance to discuss this with my sponsor..who's expereince with the steps I trust...cause right now i can't trust my own....

[intention]

Hi Donald

Originally Posted by DonaldS

2) Selfishness/Self-centeredness is the root of my troubles. Above all, I must be rid of it--or it will kill me (BB 62). And all this time, I thought that booze was the problem; that booze was killing me. It is only a symptom of the deeper trouble.

My experience was that I couldn't see my selfishness and self-centeredness at Step 1

I didn't even see it at Step 4. I only saw it when I got to Step 5 and my sponsor took me the inventory that I could see the truth in how "self" was the root of my troubles.

[DonaldS]

This portion of the book is incredible. In my numerous journeys through the steps, I can't say that I have ever truly experienced this:

"When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn." (Big Book, 63).

Bill is speaking here of a self abandonment that has eluded me. I've missed this part every time, and I've eventually climbed back into the bottle again every time. Someone in another forum was speaking about slips and slippers. I'm like Ebby--who took the message to Bill--repeatedly saved by the program, even being there to welcome others in who "get it", but never able to drop self enough to reap the full benefits for myself.

Okay, here is the amazing part. Listen to what follows the passage above:

"We were now at Step Three."

I'm not going anywhere else until I get some realization of this work in my life. I've rabbited down this trail before, only to end up lost in the woods. I know that "no lasting benefit" can come until I move on to Step Four, and I don't reckon to camp here forever, but the book plainly says that I will have an experience in these first three steps... a vital experience.


Alcoholics Anonymous, 1st Edition

[ananda]

donald....I relate alot to what you post....i've missed the trip over and over and am also finding things i missed the first kagillion times through the steps.

Thus my SR name was chosen...I'm trying to take down the flag pole....

[keithj]

Donald,

You, my friend, if you keep doing what you are doing, are going to have an experience that will blow your mind. This is exactly how guys move past that grey no-mans land of not drinking, and into that 4th dimension.

[intention]

Originally Posted by keithj

You, my friend, if you keep doing what you are doing, are going to have an experience that will blow your mind. This is exactly how guys move past that grey no-mans land of not drinking, and into that 4th dimension.

Well said Keith.


Donald, have you read the page at the back of the book called Spiritual Experience, p567 in my book.

[DonaldS]

I've taken to daily going back over the text from "Being convinced" on pg. 60 to "We were now" on page 63, in addition to recalling and remembering the work in Steps One and Two. This is proving helpful. I can see a change taking place in my approach to life.

I do understand Intention's admonition to read the appendix, "Spiritual Experience." The "educational variety" disclaimer mentioned there has helped many folks to get over their aversion to anything spiritual. For myself, I'm not trying to use the "God awareness" idea to avoid getting on with the program. My situation is one of a chronic slipper who has apparently missed something quite important in thirty years of being a member of AA who is in and out of the bottle.

I've written numerous 4th steps, and I'm not afraid to write another. This time, though, I'm hoping to find a deeper level of self honesty, and being able to get relief from the "bondage of self" (Third Step prayer) would seem to be a helpful tool, in that regard.

I used to buy into the idea that the Third Step is only a decision, that one needs not spend any time there. This time around, I see the Third Step as a place to pray, reflect and practice.

The Big Book, speaking of Step Three, says this: "We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him" (BB, p. 63).

[ananda]

Thank you Donald...i'm gonna try that out as well...25 years and 2 mos sober....I do wnna get this right...

I have the time to do this all the way, cause if I don't...I don't know how much more time I'll have...

Thanks for your thoughtful posts.

[intention]

Originally Posted by DonaldS

I've written numerous 4th steps, and I'm not afraid to write another. This time, though, I'm hoping to find a deeper level of self honesty, and being able to get relief from the "bondage of self" (Third Step prayer) would seem to be a helpful tool, in that regard.

Hi Donald, you seem to be on the right path. Keep sharing.

You may find this of interest. It's from the book The Steps We Took by Joe McQ. Its a good book to use alongside the BB. Joe McQ is the Joe from Joe and Charlie Big Book Study.

There may be a lot of variables in the quality of our decision making. For instance, many people make the mistake of not gathering all the information they need, and so make hasty decisions. They make bad decisions. Many people make a mistake by rounding up all the information but then - because they are afraid they'll make a mistake - waiting a long time to make sure they're ready. What can happen with these people is that some of the facts change, and they make the decision based on old information and get into trouble.

So decision making is a little like rocket science: windows of opportunity occur which are dangerous to miss. Spacecraft have to be launched with precise timing, or they will miss their targets. It is likewise vital for us to make our decisions when they are timely - that is, after we have gathered enough information, not not after having waited timidly for so long that the opportunity has passed.

[freya]

At Step 3 all we are asked to do is make the decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand Him. And that can mean just the most basic or rudimentary understanding, or it can mean just a "fake it, 'til you make it" understanding, or even just an understanding "on loan" from others in the rooms whose relationship with a HP seems to be what you would like yours to be.

It really doesn't matter.

What matters is that you move on to the other Steps because 4-9 is where and how you implement your Step 3 decision....My personal experience is that it was only only on the other side of Step 9 that I felt that I had truly had a sense of what it actually meant, in practice, to have turned my life over to HP and began to have any real sense of what that could mean in terms of transforming my life.

I'm trying to remember what speaker I heard talking about this, but someone I've listened to in the last month or so made quite a point of saying that the Step 3 experience will fade pretty quickly if it's not followed promptly with work on 4-9....which is why the book says, at the bottom of page 63, "Next we launched out on a vigorous course of action...." and shortly thereafter: "Though our decision was a vital one, it could have little lasting effect unless at once followed by by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves that had been blocking us."

In other words, if we want to implement the decision and/or to deepen the decision or the experience resulting from the decision and/or to grow in our understanding of God, the answer is in continuing the work.

I can redo the first three Steps and reread the book as often as I want, but my experience cannot truly be deepened unless and until I do what I need to do to have those blocks removed.

I do find that I am called back to revisit all of the Steps on a regular basis, and each time there is new depth and new understanding and a deeper experience there, because, of course each time new blocks are discovered and removed.....but, for me, none of that would have been possible if I hadn't worked straight through the first time....because I had to get rid of the top layer of stuff before I could even know that the other layers were there, and I had to have the experience of trusting God and the process to deal with that first layer before I could have ever been able to begin to trust Him and it with the deeper stuff.

freya

[shaun00]

I do find that I am called back to revisit all of the Steps on a regular basis, and each time there is new depth and new understanding and a deeper experience there, because, of course each time new blocks are discovered and removed.....but, for me, none of that would have been possible if I hadn't worked straight through the first time....because I had to get rid of the top layer of stuff before I could even know that the other layers were there, and I had to have the experience of trusting God and the process to deal with that first layer before I could have ever been able to begin to trust Him and it with the deeper stuff.

...

very much my experience freya....thankyou.

i have taken to reading the bible over the last few years...
like the steps......everytime i re-read or re-examine i find it carries greater depth and meaning
like the steps my understanding and concept changes ever so slightly.

step 3 opened a door that was firmly shut...........i guess i blindly stumbled in with little understanding but lots of hope and tentative belief.

nice posts donald......ive enjoyed them.