Discussion and Sharing Welcomed!

[CarolD]

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

[Cynay]

The first time I did step 3 my sponsor gave me the following prayer and I repeated it for about 6 months.... maybe I cold stand to start repeating it again.

God, I offer myself to thee.... To build with me and do with me as thou wilt.... Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.

[scootinbabe]

thanks cy!

this is me in a nutshell these days. trying to get that prayer into being my daily mantra instead of listening to my own selfish will and need for positive reinforcement from others. gotta get my will out of the way. it's hard and i know that it's going to take lots and lots and lots of practice for the rest of my life.

it sounds so simple. intellectually i get it. have gotten it. but in daily usage, i forget it. i'm going to keep on keeping on. it works when you work it--so darn it scoot, work it!!!!!!

[CarolD]

What I did....I returned to the God of my childhood.

In my Sunday School we were taught God is forgiving.
That He has a plan for each of us.

To follow His will/plan we use prayer.

I am absolutely convinced I do his will
by staying in recovery
and daily practicing The Golden Rule.

Even if I am incorrect.. thinking this certainly
gives me purpose and joy!

Thanks for letting me share

[scootinbabe]

bear with me because i'm so new to all this...i posted this under step 2 but thought it might fit better under step 3.

other more experienced aa'ers have pointed out to me that if i am using "something" to cope by keeping me from loneliness or anger or sadness, i'm still following the pattern of alcoholic behavior. i.e., i may not be drinking, but i am losing myself in other ways. Here are a few ways that i see myself doing this: isolating myself or keeping so busy that i don't have time to think, or procrastinating from doing an unpleasant task, or stayng on the computer instead of interacting with my family.

i guess that it is more acceptable to use other ways of coping when you are first kicking the stuff (i spent hours reading, going to meetings, going online), but now it's time that i face my life head-on and responsibly. and it's important to learn the right ways of doing it now that i'm sober.

the good thing is that most of the time i do feel able and do feel sane. but i do find myself doing things that undermine my progress--and many of those patterns of behavior i learned over time. when i finally recognize that i'm doing that, i can see that i am still living on old behaviors now that i'm sober. (that's what these long-timers i know call "insanity") i really have to learn new ways of living and new rhythms that lead me in the right direction. i guess i should say i have to seek guidance on learning new ways...darn, it's that control thing again... i keep saying "I" when it's not up to me. it's up to God and i need to ask him for help and direction and guides.

believe me, i can give my life drama and games even if i'm not using. i'm really good at creating chaos...that's what happens when my will, not God's is done.

cyn--i think i should chant your mantra for life...and ita with you too carold!

[barb dwyer]

absolutely THE most beautiful thing, isn't it?

"relieve me of the bondage of Self" ... I humm it to myself sometimes.

[NoelleR]

It always saddens me when I see so many folks make this step so hard....they struggle with it; think themselves into thinking they've done it, whoops mebbe not......sometimes I think maybe they're put off by realizing that once they've done this step it's on to step 4, and that can be a big bugaboo, so they'll just sit on this step for a while longer.... lol......for me this was the easiest steps of all....once I got around to what the step actually said!

Even though the founders of AA used the '3rd step prayer' when 'working' this step, I have to remember that this was just their opinion and esh on how this step worked for them.....BUT, thank Gawd, when Bill W wrote the step, things got totally simplified.....and a whole lot easier..... (o:

Now, let's see....just what does this step say (again)? -- oh yeh: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

Oh hey----wow----it doesn't say I need to say the 3rd step prayer after all, or any other prayer, for that matter.....in fact it doesn't even say I have to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him....it only says I need to MAKE A DECISION to do so.....ok then....done.....and now it's on the step number four....grrrrrrr, but ok her I gooooooooo!

When I finally realized that this step was soley stating that I needed to only 'make a decision' life got so much simpler----I made that decision and went onto step-4 (the ole bugaboo) and on and on and on, ever forward...and by doing so (the rest of the steps: 4-12) I was turning my will and my life over.....this was the turning....this was it.

I don't know if this has helped anyone....and as I usually say, it has helped me, (but I always hope my words can help someone)....and I hope that anyone 'stuck' on this step can find some solace here....

One final thought:
I heard Father Martin speak many years ago, and I just loved his interpretation of the first three steps: 1)There's a problem; 2)There's a solution; and 3)I get to choose.....woooohoooo


Here's to healthy choices for everyone----

NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

[igfan]

Hi, I'm Cheryl....alcoholic. I haven't formally done my 3rd step with my sponsor, BUT i saw what was working for everyone else and started simply by saying "please" and "thank you" everyday. When i woke up i just asked for the desire to drink/use to be lifted and to help keep me sober". At bedtime when i layed down in bed, i simply said "Thank You" for keeping me sober today. At a meeting one night we all stood and held hands and repeated the 3rd step prayer.....it felt great, so i decided to learn the 3rd step prayer and i've been saying it every morning ever since and it seems to be working. I'm coming up on 90 days sober (again) but this time just feels "right" and i really believe that this step has something to do with it.

Noelle, i like Father Martins saying. I heard something similar.....

Step 1: I CAN'T
Step 2: He CAN
Step 3: I think I'll let him

[NoelleR]

Hey igfan ----

I know the "I can't, he can....etc." line, but you see what Father Martin was saying was simplifying the first three steps to their barest and basest simplicity.....after all, he was speaking to an Atheist/Agnostic AA group [yes, whoever you are (whoever was saying there were no such things).......there are such things as Atheist, Agnostic, and Atheist/Agnostic AA groups, both sanctioned by and listed in the meetings lists put out by AA International (HQ-NY).....

I guess he decided to simplify it for us, and totally remove any reference to an HP or God....and even today, as a Christian, I still see this as the simplest and easiest way to work these steps......and I'm waaaay for simple and easy... (o:

NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

[scootinbabe]

what is the 3rd step prayer?

also--today in my meeting, one of the women said that each step has a one word summation, like "surrender". it was simplified down to one simply principle per step... i can't remember them--does anyone know them?

[NoelleR]

Okey Dokey there ---- (make me search....lol)

The third Step Prayer is found on page 63 of the BB (the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous) and it goes like this:

"God, I offer myself to Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always."

Now as to the steps and the one-word principles associated with them; I found this ole list....it may not be the one you're thinking of, but I'm too old 'n tired to keep on serching.....lol .....:

Step 1 --- Acceptance
Step 2 --- Faith
Step 3 --- Surrender & Trust
Step 4 --- Honesty
Step 5 --- Courage
Step 6 --- Willingness
Step 7 --- Humility
Step 8 --- Forgiveness
Step 9 --- Freedom
Step 10 --- Perserverance
Step 11 --- Patience
Step 12 --- Charity & Love

I hope this helps you out.....just remember....this is the rest of your life, not a race....relax and go with it....also remember the tortoise....slow 'n steady wins the race....hehehe


NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

[Time2Surrender]

Originally Posted by CarolD

What I did....I returned to the God of my childhood.

In my Sunday School we were taught God is forgiving.
That He has a plan for each of us.

To follow His will/plan we use prayer.

I am absolutely convinced I do his will
by staying in recovery
and daily practicing The Golden Rule.

Even if I am incorrect.. thinking this certainly
gives me purpose and joy!

Thanks for letting me share

The God of my childhood. I like that. Never thought of it that way, but I did the same thing. I returned to the God of my childhood.

[NoelleR]

Well CarolD and Time2Surrender ----

I definitely did NOT return to the God of my childhood....he was an "I'm gonna getchu" God....and the folks in a lot of AA down here (in what I like to call my "li'll corner of the Bible-belt"), well, they would use sayings such as "Get God or get drunk," and it was the god of their understanding-----grrrr....I'm just so grateful to my God, who waited for me, and to books like 'Conversations with God' and 'Your Best Life Now.'


NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

[scootinbabe]

thanks noelle--that was perfect!

[jimhere]

It doesn't say "God as I would like to understand God someday," or "Waited until I figured out what I wanted God to be and then took some action."

It means start where you are at. The Oxford Groups had a saying: "Turn as much of yourself as you understand over to as much of God as you understand."

As for the turning it over part, I remember asking my sponsor how I did that. He asked me "can you count four through nine?"

Take the action prescribed in chapters 5, 6, & 7 in our book and you will grow into a relationship with whatever you call God that makes sense to you. As you reveal yourself to you, God will be revealed to you. Or as a friend of mine says, "As you grow, God grows."
Jim

[BlueMoon]

When I was new in AA, I fell in love with this step because it "gave me permission" to finally "break away from" the religion of my childhood. THAT freed me to do some deep soul-searching and figure out just WHAT and WHO I believe in ...

On my little pink cloud I thought I had it made --- but couldn't figure out *WHY* I couldn't Let Go of all the incredible BS my practising A-BF was putting me through.

One day, I was walking down the gravel alley at dawn, headed to work - with a head and heart full of turmoil over BF's latest drunk (I'd met him in AA!) and WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TO FIX IT ALL ...
It became overwhelming and I literally fell to my knees in the gravel and cried.

THAT was when I truly let go and turned my life and my will over.

It's been 14 years and I do still struggle with this step at times. But I always remember that day in the alley and I know that I can wait until the pain of it all has me on my knees in the gravel - or I can decide to let go a wee bit earlier. It's my choice.


blue

[scootinbabe]

Upon further reflection and study on this step, I think I can better articulate where I'm at and why it's an issue. I am moving forward but I continually find myself struggling with this.

Step Three - "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

I get that. I did--and try to do--that. It's actually easy to give lip service to and to understand philosophically--particularly because i try to be a practicing Christian. However, i am only now realizing how many decisions and actions I continue to make on my own without putting them into God's hands. In fact, lots of times I don't even think about running a situation by God, or I do--but regardless of His answer, I do what I want anyway. It's not strictly about about alcohol--when a craving happens I know to pray (just like i would in any crisis), but rather just living closer to God in making my day-to-day decisions. Rather than giving it up to God, I follow my own flawed ambition/intellect/emotion/logic etc.. For example, a friend has a problem. I try to help and get all wrapped up in her problem. Or, I get asked to lead up a committee or a project and make the decision on my own whether or not to get involved.

This reading gave me some enlightenment:

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 37

But the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how differently we behave. How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters. Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, sounds good in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.

[Tazman53]

Originally Posted by NoelleR

It always saddens me when I see so many folks make this step so hard....they struggle with it; think themselves into thinking they've done it, whoops mebbe not......sometimes I think maybe they're put off by realizing that once they've done this step it's on to step 4, and that can be a big bugaboo, so they'll just sit on this step for a while longer.... lol......for me this was the easiest steps of all....once I got around to what the step actually said!

Even though the founders of AA used the '3rd step prayer' when 'working' this step, I have to remember that this was just their opinion and esh on how this step worked for them.....BUT, thank Gawd, when Bill W wrote the step, things got totally simplified.....and a whole lot easier..... (o:

Now, let's see....just what does this step say (again)? -- oh yeh: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."

Oh hey----wow----it doesn't say I need to say the 3rd step prayer after all, or any other prayer, for that matter.....in fact it doesn't even say I have to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him....it only says I need to MAKE A DECISION to do so.....ok then....done.....and now it's on the step number four....grrrrrrr, but ok her I gooooooooo!

When I finally realized that this step was soley stating that I needed to only 'make a decision' life got so much simpler----I made that decision and went onto step-4 (the ole bugaboo) and on and on and on, ever forward...and by doing so (the rest of the steps: 4-12) I was turning my will and my life over.....this was the turning....this was it.

I don't know if this has helped anyone....and as I usually say, it has helped me, (but I always hope my words can help someone)....and I hope that anyone 'stuck' on this step can find some solace here....

One final thought:
I heard Father Martin speak many years ago, and I just loved his interpretation of the first three steps: 1)There's a problem; 2)There's a solution; and 3)I get to choose.....woooohoooo


Here's to healthy choices for everyone----

NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

WOW!!!! Noelle I will talk over what you have said here with my sponsor when I hit step 3 with him. What you have said makes perfect sense to me. It is nothing but a decision to turn it over to God, not actually at that instant doing so, but a commitment to do so, and as you said in working the rest of the steps and continuing to work them I will continue to meet that commitment by turning more and more of my life over to him.

[Tazman53]

Great discussion over all on this, I have noticed that the more I stay in tune with God the more he influences my thought process and decision making. I f I am in tune with God decisions are made with him and he has yet to have led me astray as long as I listened to him. It is odd to me how if I make a decision and I feel funny about it, I try and pray and then I find out that the original decision made was mine alone, I had not consulted God about it.

I have a long way to go on this, but I am working on it.

Thank goodness it says in the Big Book that we are not expected to adhere to the steps perfectly, we are not saints, but we do our best to do so. There is IMO only one perfect person that ever walked the face of this earth and as a result he is not a member of AA, but for Christians he is our HP and the one we owe thanks for all of our blessings.

[GlassPrisoner]

The actual taking of this step was kind of anti-climatic.

Yes, my sponsor and I were on our knees, and recited the 3rd step prayer, but the skies didn't open and trumpets didn't blare

However, I was fully willing to surrender, and in my heart and soul ,I did. I gave everything over to the God of my understanding.

Here's the kicker. Within DAYS, I started seeing minor miracles in my life. The car that was fighting me for months got fixed, I got job offers and gainful employment, all sorts of things started just sorting themselves out. Sometimes in line with what I wished for, other times completely different than I would have ever imagined.

It was also at this stage, I got my first taste of serenity. What a wonderful feeling ! Depression and anxiety, while still existent, were so substantially reduced I could hardly believe it.

I don't have a polly-annish attitude. I know there is hard work and hard times in front of me. I also know my loving and caring God is going to provide and protect me and lead me to the things in life that are important.

[collinsmi]

Did no writing for this step, I was surprised! Talked a lot about God with my sponsor, one day talked about the frogs and the lily pad story too. So I asked "what exactly does this commitment entail?" The sponsor answered "a commitment to do the remaining steps". We said the prayer (page 63) together and it was back to the notebook for step 4....

[TimmyO]

First off, I would like to say that this section of the forum is my favorite. (Probably because I am one of those fascist, Big Book thumping, sponsor/weenies!)

And since I'm still getting handed pennies, here's my 2 cents (I'm up to 6 now!)

I heard a lot of talk of turning things over and of all kinds of people "giving it up to God" and I was really confused. I didn't know what to "turn over" or how or to whom.

I had trouble with the "God-thing", I had trouble with the idea that I was somehow throwing away free will (or self will as I later found out!) and I had a big problem in my understanding of a higher power.

How could I submit to something that I don't really believe in and certainly don't understand? The steps says "God as we understood him" well I don't, so I can't do this one.

Another one of those cranky old timers, this time my sponsor, explained it thusly:

"In step 1 you found out you were screwed, you couldn't drink and you couldn't not drink"; which really didn't come out of the book it was just an accurate assessment of my life at that time.

"Then in step 2 you came to believe that there was something here that could help you with the not drinking and staying sane aspect of it ." Which was true, I had seen many people sober various lengths of time who looked sane and happy.

"So here we are at step three, It's time to DECIDE: Will I COMMIT to doing the same things that these people did (the rest of the steps) and see what happens or will I continue to try and fight this thing the way I have in the past? Now do you understand the phrase, We stood at the turning point?"

Boy did I ever! And since I did have a working definition of a Power greater than myself (no understanding, just a concept that one existed) I was now able to "take step 3".

I committed to taking the rest of the steps with guidance and direction from somebody or something other than me.

For me it was the commitment to move forward. It was the first one in my life that I can say that I fulfilled and continue to fulfil.

It must have worked because I did the rest of the stuff and I'm still here talkin' about it! :-)

Thanks everybody for reading my drivel and having a forum for it!

Tim

[lanie67]

This reading gave me some enlightenment:

From the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 37

But the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how differently we behave. How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we'll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We'll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters. Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, sounds good in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.

Thanks so much for posting that, it is really nice to hear from the twelve and twelve. I especially like the last sentence, "one good look in the mirror ought to be enough for any alcoholic." Those words resonate so much with me right now.

[lanie67]

Originally Posted by TimmyO

For me it was the commitment to move forward. It was the first one in my life that I can say that I fulfilled and continue to fulfil.

It must have worked because I did the rest of the stuff and I'm still here talkin' about it! :-)

Thanks everybody for reading my drivel and having a forum for it!

Tim

this sure isn't drivel. Thanks for stating that so eloquently, Tim. I appreciate what you said about taking direction from someone or something other than ourselves. I always used to hear people talk about it as 'becoming teachable'. I still struggle to be and remain teachable on a daily basis.

[2ala2]

Hey People,
Step 3 for me is all about action. I'M TELLING MYSELF THAT.
Doing everything that needs to be done and NOT worrying about the outcome or not trying to control the outcome (which i never did in the first place , ever to be honest), very very hard.
When I do do that however, it almost always works out for the better.
It is His will not mine on His time not mine.