Could

[DonaldS]

From the hopelessness of Step One to the potential of Step Two.

I didn't grow up in a religious home, but had an innate belief in God from an early age (my aunt is a Christian, and she made sure that I heard about God.)

At 21 years old, I had a profound personal experience, wherein I "heard God" speak to me--I was inside of a building that exploded. That got my attention. I began to make the rounds of churches and preachers, but could never quite fit in.

I still believe in God, and I still seek Him. Why have I failed in the past, though? Why do I keep returning to the pig's trough? One thing I see here, that I have missed before is the word "could."

God has no obligation to restore me to sanity. He may have other plans for me. In Step Two, I am simply directed to acknowledge that this "Power greater than myself" exists, and that it is possible for that Power to restore me to sanity: I can't; God can. (I also note, but had not seen before, that "Power" is capitalized in both the Big Book and the 12x12.)

AA is a "we" program. What are your thoughts on this?

[ananda]

mmm...my problem is with would.....

[Mark75]

Do you trust God, or do you just believe in Him?

[ananda]

I'm not sure if I believe "in him"

I know that if there is a god (and i am taking notice of this possiblity in my life every moment of every day) by definition he COULD relieve my alchoholism.

But now...i am trying to take actions of trust but in my heart of heart i am full of fear that in the end god will not.....

I get moments of almost believing....where it seems like a real possiblity...then the fear rolls in again.

But I am technically not on step 2....but I also cant deny the fact that in my heart....it's in my face every moment ...

So i move from Awe to Fear many times a day....i DO trust the process....and for today that is enough....though barely at times

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by ananda

i am trying to take actions of trust but in my heart of heart i am full of fear that in the end god will not.....

And if God will not... then what? Nothing? The Bottle?

Hey, I'm not yet at the point where I feel like I can take someone through step two, so I'll cede the floor to those with more experience....

I just know that there is a God who loves me unconditionally and will give me what I need... not always what I want... not always on my time... So I just trust Him... Blind trust? I don't know, I just figure that I will... trust Him.

I'm sure you've heard the one.... "Faith and Fear cannot exist together."

Mark

[keithj]

Originally Posted by Mark75

And if God will not... then what? Nothing? The Bottle?

That's the approach I used. In looking back, I'm sure that I worked Step 2 from that negative stance. Either god will or god won't restore me to sanity. Either he (it) will or he (it) won't make this happen. For me it was more like, either I'm going to recover or I'm not. There was a certain freedom in that. Nothing to lose.

And since I was thoroughly convinced of Step 1, that the life I was living was hopeless and futile, what was the alternative? The alternative to not recovering was unacceptable. I couldn't exist that way. So whenever I balked, I looked at the lack of options I had. Return to the bottle, or this other thing. This scary God thing.

Some of the people I trust most in AA believe that it all boils down to a Step 2 program. I take guys through it with the minumum requirements of willingness to believe (pg 47) and an open mind to have a new experience with this power. Anything they bring with them usually gets in the way of that experience.

It's kind of like, put your God aside for a little bit and do the things necessary to have some power remove from you the things which block you from the sunlight of the spirit. Otherwise, everyone comes in with some concept of this higher power. That concept has been formed by years of upbringing and belief, and it already been determind what God can or can't do.

To me, that's terribly limiting and gets in the way of a new experience with that vital power.

[Mark75]

Thanx Keith.... I am glad you posted and said it better than I could .

[yeahgr8]

Just my experience and that is my sponsor taking me through this step asking me do i believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity and i said something like i don't know can he...my sponsor said an emphatic yes of course and that was that...i trusted and believed in my sponsor 100% and if he said it was true it was true...maybe not the norm but i believed from that moment that a power greater than myself can (nee will) restore me to sanity and He did and continues to do so:-)

I had always kind of 'prayed' like when i deep poo situations like get me out of this one and i wont do it again, or when playing cards cmoin just let me win this one and then cursing Him...kind of pray a bit different now im glad to say!