The Sponsee

[Ngokpa]

I've been sober a long time and haven't had a lot of sponsees, but I've got one now. He's been around for years, but regularly gets drunk a couple of times a month, which for him is an improvement. A couple of days ago he got $20 in the mail and used it to get drunk; "I didn't even think about it," he says. He's been getting drunk since he was 11, has abuse issues, has a social worker, and is under medication.

I told him to go to a lot of meetings; inpatient and outpatient therapies aren't options. Some people drive him a bit nuts, but what else is new.

I'm not a traditional guy; I've depended upon non-AA books and a different spiritual path, but I'm open to anything that works. He says he's got all the AA books, but needs something more. I'm trying "Passages In Recovery," by Gorsky; but it seems he needs to actually do things to get the message across, and even then it's dicey.

Welcome to the real world.

[Isaiah]

I think sponsoring is all about encouraging wisdom and growth, but there are certain times when you need to do sponsorship with a hammer.



I think we all can understand the automatic nature of going out to buy alcohol in a figurative sense, but sure as hell we always thought about it. If he really and truly isn't thinking about it then I don't see much point in sponsoring him. AA is for humans not machines. Having a long history of drinking and past traumas makes things more difficult, but there's still got a be a crack in it that you can help him find.

And I'd also take with a grain of salt that he's got the AA lit but "needs more." I don't know him, he might be a great guy, but I also know alcoholics. I know the "I will get sober just as soon as I get the perfect book" which equals "I will keep drinking and pretend it's because only a perfect book can save me."

[CarolD]

The 1st think I do with a new sponsee ...is to sit down
and we read this together....

Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

It's usually on the free l literature rack in meetings
and a good way to get a basic idea of what is expected
from the sponsor/sponsee connection...

I've not read "Passages" ...it might be an excellent book
to use as a supplement......but don't confuse outside
resources with AA sponsorship.

I give new sponsees "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham
but it's nothing to do with Step work

All my best to both of you

[keithj]

Originally Posted by Isaiah

I think sponsoring is all about encouraging wisdom and growth,

Not really. It's all about showing someone how you had a spiritual awakening and recovered by taking them through the 12 Steps.

Have you tried that, Ngokpa? Are they convinced that they have lost they have the physical allergy and have lost the power of choice? Do they feel hopeless and are willing to go to any lengths to stop drinking for good? Have you spent enough time with them in the Dr.'s Opinion and first 3 chapters so they can add up their own experience with booze? If that's done thoroughly, it forces someone into Step 2.

[shaun00]

My sponsor showed me how he recovered from alcoholism.
Its is all he could do.

I was desperate enough to listen and then act.
Like my sponsor, i recovered.

Now i do the same as my sponsor done for me..
the BB tell me everything i need to know....

we used no other books......or methods....or theorys.

one clear and precise message........straight out of the BB.

my experience anyhow.

[WakeUp]

When I get a sponsee, it's going to be straight out the Big Book. No other books allowed, until after the initial working of the steps. When they've had a spiritual awakening and the compulsion to drink has been removed, they can read whatever books they want.

[tomvlll]

I had a sponsee like yours.
Guy knew th BB backwards and forwards, but just couldn't stop.

My fall back was the Dr's opinion.
"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."


The first passage bolded cuts out all the psychobable about why an alcoholic drinks and why they relapse.

The second takes the monkey off my back and correctly puts it on his. I had no problem at all going throughthe Steps with him, but unless he really gets down with Steps 6 and 7 ,there isn't much I can do.

[emcgjr]

I had one individual who drank at least once a week I would call him to show how it works. One day he made it to two weeks in between drinks I kept calling meeting him reading the BB taking him to events and so forth well t make a long story short it ended up it took 3 years to get one he had a slip at 10 years. So far he is doing well I have heard as I had to move and we have talk and he had discovered he seem to have missed the the second part of the first step. So make some don't I jsut keep showing up.