Dealing with a brake up from a sober person.

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I just recently got dumped by my boyfriend who has been sober for almost 10 years. The breakup was kind of a shock to me and I am having a hard time dealing with it. We started talking in June of last year and became official back in September. He was married and recently divorced and I was going through a divorce as well. We had reconnected after 9 years from an online site and we just hit it off. Everything was going great and I thought that I finally found the person that I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I have two children from my previous marriage and he was so good with my children. They just adored him. We just spent all of the holidays with each others families, talked about our future together, and even had talks about marriage. I thought that things were going great. I supported his sobriety by giving up alcohol, going and watching him chair, and understanding his need to attend meetings on a daily basis. He had not found a job since moving back from NC and I know that it was starting to get to him. I didn't mind that he was not working because he treated me right and I knew he was doing everything he could to find one. About 10 days ago he broke up with me and told me that he didn't like the person that he had become and told me that he needed to focus on himself. I was very upset by this but at the same time I knew that something was wrong because he had been acting strange lately. He was so positive and happy when I first reconnected with him and lately he just seemed so upset. Since he broke up with me he has total shut me out of his life and has made no contact with me since. I have called him, left him text messages, and have even emailed him and I have not received anything back from him. Why would he do this to me? I did everything for him, I loved him and supported him, (not financially but, emotionally), and was open and honest with him about everything and this is how he treats me? I started reading literature on Alcoholics and some of the behaviors that they display, but I am having such a hard time dealing with this so I decided to get some advice. The scary thing is, is that I don't think he will ever talk to me again. Please give me some advice. I am trying to find some closure.

[Ngokpa]

Recovery is complicated. Most of us have relationship issues so that actually being in one can be pretty rough.

A lot of us come from dysfunctional families, which means we have unhealthy patterns. Dealing with that is a lot of work, and can involve emotional upheavals. A lot of us need therapy to navigate it--I did. And while that is happening, trying to deal with a relationship is like a 7 year old trying to understand rocket science. Nonetheless, the payoff is tremendous--if he has the right help.

Trying not to take it personally is easier said than done. You might try Al-Anon or Coda if you need to. Good luck!

[Digbygirl]

Hi, after you worked it through, did your relationship last?