Today's Step

[nandm]

Day 1

Blueprint for living

"A man can not be comfortable without his own approval."

For those of us who keep a journal, the Tenth Step has really been in effect for some time. Perhaps we haven't pinpointed our errors and omissions in quite the same manner as we're now prepared to do, but in all probability we've gained a sense of when and how we slip up.

In essence, this step is a blueprint for living one day at a time. Although each of the Twelve Steps are designed for that precise objective, Step Ten really brings this techinque into focus.

When we were little, most of us had fantasies about an ideal existence in which we were rich, successful, healthy, and brave. Our heroes were those who overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles aginst evil forces or tragic circumstances and emerged victorious and heroic in the eyes of others. We wanted to be like them.

Today, as we overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles against the malignant progression of our disorders, we are our own heroes and heroines. We are emerging victorious over the defects and shortcomings of our past. Those close to us are looking at us with new respect. And, above all, we are beginning to like and trust ourselves.

Today's Step: In m daily inventory, I find a blueprint for living.

Step by Step, meditations for living the Twelve Steps. Muriel Zink

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Day 2

Same old song

"Cast your bread on the waters and you get buttered toast." anonymous

In Step Ten we want to pay special attention to those who have been dominated by our past disorders. We need to demonstrate a great deal of patience and understanding with them.

In Step Nine we spoke of the leaners and the leanees and how that kind of enabling relationship affected our personal lives. As we continue to take our daily inventory, we want to look at who we behave toward those people right now. Are we still being demanding? Impatient? Condescending? Critical?

Old habits are very hard to break. Once we've established a pattern of interaction with others, it's extremely easy to fall back into that old, familiar routine. Sometimes all it takes is a sight, a sound, a smell, a remembered phrase from a song or even a familiar gesture to trigger our reaction. And there we are, behaving in the old familiar manner. Like Pavlov's dog, we've been conditioned to responses which we develope as protection against criticism during the progression of our disorders but which are now totally inappropriate.

In the past we might have convinced others that they were responsible for our irresponsible behavior. Now we want to be sure that we're not continuing this same type of emotional blackmail.

Today's Step: My daily inventory reminds me to change my old relationship patterns

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 3

Admit it.

"We have more ability than willpower, and it is often an excuse to ourselves that we imagine things are impossible." La Rochefougauld

We felt a great deal of relief and very likely, a feeling of pride, when we made amends to those persons we had harmed in the past. Step Nine gave us some experience in how to make amends, and we can continue to call upon that experience today to promptly admit our wrongs.

No one we know enjoys admitting that he or she goofed. This leads to a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to admitting our mistakes. But we will learn, in time, that the term "promptly" has great merit. Cleaning up today's wreckage today means we don't have to go through needless agaonzing or loss of sleep trying to summon up courage to do so.

As a matter of fact, it usually seems much more difficult when we think about it than when we do it. We always make mountains out of molehills in our minds when we worry about how our admission of wrongness will be percieved by others. We need to remind ourselves that all these steps were created as tools, and that our program is one of enlightened self-interest. When we're O.K. with ourselves we're generally O.K. with others too.

Today's Step: When I am wrong, I promptly admit it.

Step by Step. Muriel ZInk

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Day 4

Caliph Abdul

"Men are much more unwilling to have their weaknesses and their imperfections known than their crimes." Lord Chesterfield

Isn't it strange how some of the things that weigh most heavily on us are the tacky, embarrassing, childish things we've done rather than those really serious behaviors and missteps which occurred in the past?

This reminds me of a tale told in an unexpurgated version of the Arabian Nights:
There was once a Caliph who was holding a very large audience in his palace. Suddenly, he broke wind with an extremely audible outburst. He was so humiliated that he fled the royal city and went into hiding for years, certain that everyone was discussing his embarrassing performance.
Finally, after a number of years had passed, he decided that the incident had probably been forgotten, and he made his way back to the city. Just as he was approaching the palace, he passed a woman in the marketplace explaining to her little boy that he had been born on the day that Caliph Abdul broke wind. The poor man turned around and headed back into the desert, where he became a hermit for the rest of his life.

An outrageous example, perhaps, but how often have we acted like Caliph, and allowed our own fear of embarrassment to prevent us from taking the necessary steps to free us from isolation and shame.

Today's Step: I keep my past behavior in perspective without overdramatizing it.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 5

Painstaking

"All I want is the best of everything, and there's very little of that left." Lucius Beebe

As we review "The Promises" we discussed in Step Nine, certain words stand out that merit a closer look. For example, "If we have been painstaking aobut this phase of our development..."

As we worked Step Nine, were we entirely willing to make complete amends to others? Or have we held back to some degree---telling the truth, but not necessarily the whole truth?

Have we refrained from placing blame on others? Or have we, by innuendo, given them the message that they are also guilty?

Have we freely admitted to manipulating situations so that we could salve our own consciencce, whether it caused discomfort to others or not?

Have we admitted our wrongs to others in a cold and dispassionate manner, giving them the impression that we're condescending and superior?

If we fault ourselves on any of the above ploys, Step Ten gives us an opportunity to rectify it before we compound any more half-measures or evasions that will come back to haunt us.

Today's Step: I reconsider whether I have been painstakign enough in making my amends.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 6

New Freedom

"Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye." Hellen Keller

If we're doing a spot-check inventory, we must remember to: credit ourselves with the progress we have made, and the ghosts we have exorcised; accept and acknowledge our assets as we put them into action, and practice the technique of "acting as if" that we learned in the Sixth and Seventh Steps as an aid to rising above our shortcomings. For example: If we're afraid, we ask ourselves: "How would I 'act as if' I weren't afraid?" That's it! We act as if we're not afraid.

Once we've laid certain issues to rest, and we know they will no longer come back to haunt us, we experience a surge of freedom and satisfaction with ourselves. We know we have accomplished something major. We begin to feel more confident that we can move freely among our peers without the fear that any minute they will discover our guilty secrets.

Many of us have been in such a blue funk about ourselves for such a long time that we hardly recognize happiness when it's right in front of us. Freedom is certainly a major component of happiness, and we're beginning to experience that feeling more and more.

Today's Step: In my daily assessment, I have the freedom to acknowledge my accomplishments.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 7

The Past

"Judgment comes from experience, and great judgment comes from bad experience." Bob Packwood

As we develope the ability to put our past difficulties, performances and biasis into perspective, we begin to understand that we hold in our hands a valuable tool for survival. Although our past brought us to the state where we felt helpless and useless and created harm and chaos in our lives and those of others; although it seemed to push us to the point of no return, the opposite is true.

Slowly we are beginning to understand that every mistep in our lives was part of the dynamic which led us to our present state of recovery.

With the blueprint of all past errors clearly defined, we can work Step Ten with confidence. We can see that had we not committed every one of those past actions that led to our cry for help, we would not have been desperate or needly enough to reach out.

We recognize that it was our finer instincts that took over in our struggle for survival and made us willing to humble ourselves enough to seek help. We could not have reached that point without experiencing every negative moment that marked the progression of our disease. Therefore, we now need to look at all those unkind, unhealthy, unproductive, antisocial actions as milestones that were necessary to bring us to our present state of recovery.

Today's Step: Remembering my past mistakes helps me avoid today's pitfalls.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 8

Past Experiences

"It is no easy thing for a principle to become a man's own unless each day he maintain it and work it out in his life." Epictetus

Our physician friend has a wonderful way to describe the phenomenon of releasing regrets of our past performances. He uses an analogy of the Eiffel Tower. Like the Towe, our lives would have toppled if anything had been taken away or added in the construction phase. It took every bit of material, assembled in precisely the right pattern, to create the Tower and to bring us to the point where we found ourselves ready to seek and accept help.

When we think of the architect who designed tht incredible edifice, we can remeber our own architect---our Higher Power---who has brought us to the threshold of a new and productive existence.

Unlike the Eiffel Tower, though, we're not a finished product. We accept the fact that we are truly the sum of our past experience. But, we also know that we will be changing as new and positive experiences happen to us in our continuing recovery program.

It is useless to live in past regrets or be fearful of what tomorrow may bring. Our goal is to live in the now, extracting all its benefits to strengthen us in the days to come. With one eye on yesterday and one eye on tomorrow---as the saying goes----we'll be cockeyed today. By taking a daily inventory, we keep the focus on today and on our recovery.

Today's Step: My daily inventory plants my feet firmly in the present.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 9

Sackcloth and Ashes

"We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemies." Roderick Thorp

As recovering people, our self-images have taken such a beating that we sometimes wonder whether we'll even feel totally O.K. about ourselves again. We tend to doubt that our feelings of usefulness and self-pity will ever go away.

We call this the "sackcloth and ashes" caper. Surely by now we've inventoried enough assets and strengths to know that we're not only productive and useful, but also, with our newfound strength and resolve, no longer pitiful.

Recovery is victory. And victory does not produce feelings of worthlessness. On the contrary, there is a dawning realization that we're now shaping a whole new existence for ourselves, an existence free of the nagging fear that we're weak-willed and useless.

Not too many people have a second chance to do life right when they've failed. But we do. If we can see our recovery as a rebirth, we can discard the shell of the old entity and make a fresh new start. By continuing to take our personal inventory, our past mistakes become useful guideposts to keep us on the right track.

Today's Step: A daily inventory is the foundation of my second chance at life.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

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Day 10

Confidence

"You have freedom when you're easy in your harness." Rober Frost

We've already experienced the tremendous relief that came from cleaning up our side of the street by making amends to those we had harmed. We no longer feel that cloud of impending doom hovering over us, threatening to expose us to everyone as a sham and a charlatan.

With a clear conscience we can now go about our business secure in the knowledge that we no longer need to hide from anything or anybody. We have succeeded in our task of making restitution for past behavior. We have cleared up our financial responsibilities, or at least made partial payment of our outstanding debts. We have shouldered the blame for shattered relationships. We have gone back to our workplace and put in overtime, without pay, to make up for those hours when we shirked our responsibilities or took time off tha twas not appropriate. In addition, we have been demonstrating our sincerity by our actions and our dependability in all our affairs.

With growing self-acceptance and self-approval, we can now face others with confidence. We can look anyone straight in the eye without flinching in fear that they will greet us with contempt or disdain. We no longer find it necessary to avoid certain people, places or things. We're finally secure enough in ourselves to feel comfortable with others.

Today's Step: As I take my daily inventory, I can face people with confidence and self-respect.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink