Thoughts on Step 10

[nandm]

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

People who have had great success with Step Ten, tell us that this process constitues an ever-renewable lease on their personal recovery program. Many of them report that the practice they find the most effective is to take a daily inventory to determine whether they're still on target.

When we think of our program as a contract that periodically comes up for renewal, we will not fall into the trap of becoming smug about our progress. Recovery is not an event. It is a process, and an ongoing process at that.

Some folks have told us they skipped from the Third Step to the Tenth so that they would not add any more wrongs, defects or shortcomings to thier inventory until they finally got up the courage to face Step Four. They felt if they took a daily inventory they might even be ahead of the game by the time they sat down to list the nature of their wrongs.

In the next thirty one days, we will examine the intent and the power of Step Ten. By the end of the month we will surely begin to reap some of its benefits.

Step by Step, meditations for living the 12 Steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

The daily inventory, what an essential and useful part of the program. Without it I would be prone to continue to make the same mistakes over and over again because I would fail to see my errors. Then my life would once again be back into the insanity of resentment, guilt, and pain. It is so much easier to deal with this step daily and sometimes hourly depending on how my day is going.

[vegibean]

I love this step. I think it's one of the most important to keep balance in your life and recovery. If I'm paying attention to what I'm doing it keeps everything more on me and with me. There are times when I want to lash out and I take it and look at it. We all play a part in the majority of the things we go through in life and taking responsibility for it keeps us where we need to, keeping our side of the street clean.

What's also nice about this is that as long as I continue to inventory myself it keeps others from being able to put blame on me. I can stand up for myself knowing that I did the right thing. Whether it was keeping my mouth shut, helping another that others would not or stepping in and up when I was most fearful.

LOVE STEP 10!!!!!!!

[stone]

People (including me) seem to be confused between steps 10 and 11.

If you take inventory at the end of the day you are doing step 11 but many seem to think it is step 10.

When we retire at night, we constructively review our
day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do
we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves
which should be discussed with another person at
once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could
we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves
most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could
do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of
life?

So I think of step 10 as a constant state of self-awareness.

Quote from 1st Ed. of BB.

[sugErspun]

I like that Stone -- "constant state of self-awareness".

Step 10 is really simple - keep an eye out for these things (selfishness, dishonesty etc) and WHEN (not IF) they come up do the following:

Ask God at once to remove it
Talk about it with someone else and make ammends if harm has been caused.
Turn our thoughts to someone we can help (I think this is the crux of step 10 - that 'turning' of our thoughts is vital).

I might also add that I think step 10 is worthless without a 11th step practice - it sets up the day and makes step 10 possible.

[IO Storm]

For me..I have to get quiet..what works best for me is a good 11th..prayer and meditation

at a certain time of day. I ask my HP to "show me"..in the meditation. Wow! Usually

it comes fast. Like a movie, I can "see" where I spoke harshly..was rude, demanded

attention, allowed selfishness to creep in and take over...a myriad of things that

block the flow and sunlight of the Spirit. Or downright hurt another.

This happened today...I "saw" situations with two family members.

One called today...to apologize to me! I was able to explain, no..I had placed her

in a position to hurt me...by waiting until the very last minute...(I have done this to her

more than once)... and then calling when she was busy..and had to cut me off.

See, she is my daughter. I deserved respect, doggone it!

I made amends to her.

I was able to tell her a bit about her mom being a recovered alkie who still had the

behaviors and needed a program to "grow up." She agreed. lol How neat.

Still have one amends to go. I love Step Ten.

[IO Storm]

So...Yes, Sugarspun.

Step 11 has naturally, (for me..again..) set up Step 10.

I also do "spot check" inventories.

And I do agree with Stone, to a degree about the state of awareness..

but when I am in my head or my head is stuck elsehwere...

in self (gotcha)..then I am in delusion.

Hugs..dear fellows!

[stone]

To a degree?

[IO Storm]

Yes, Stoney...

I am not aware when I am in illusion or deluded by self.

[stone]

I was just teasing...but I know what you mean.

[IO Storm]

I know you knew I knew? lol

[DaveBB164]

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonest, resentment and fear.” (Step Four). “When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.” (Steps Six & Seven). “We discuss them with someone immediately.” (Step Five). “We make amends quickly.” (Steps Eight & Nine). Then there is one more thing to do and that is to, “resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.” (Step Twelve). So, we take Step Ten by taking Steps, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine and Twelve moment by moment,

[Thumpers]

Good point Dave. To me Morning and Daily Step 11 are in the spirit of Steps 1-3 allowing me Step 12 of helping others and practicing love, honesty, courage...

Morning and Daily step 11 also helps me see when I stray, then Step 10 gets me back on track to Steps 11-12. Then Evening Step 11 review shows me how well I took Steps 10-12 that day, I send that to my sponsor for feedback every night.

That's my formula from here on in, I don't ever consider retaking Steps 1-9 every year or anything like that since they are addressed in Steps 10-11, if I do them properly.

[Desiree0752]

I hear what y'all are saying. I do this and I apologize for it and do my best to not let my defects get in the way. I don't understand the difference between standing up for myself and being defensive. I question everything. Please help

[Mark75]

When I am defensive, I know there is something I need to look at within myself... what is it I am defensive about... inventory time.

Welcome to SR Desiree!!

[TheJungianThing]

Originally Posted by Desiree0752

I hear what y'all are saying. I do this and I apologize for it and do my best to not let my defects get in the way. I don't understand the difference between standing up for myself and being defensive. I question everything. Please help

The 10th Step, spot check inventory is designed to quickly assess yourself before you act.

"TJT, you're an idiot and a jerk".

So taking my current inventory on the matter - I can try to see if I'm about to REACT inappropriately vs. RESPOND in accordance to my higher power's will for me. My inner dialectic goes somewhat like "I have been an idiot and a jerk in the past. I might be here too. I'm open to the possibility. So, let's stick the facts of the current situation and thy will not mine, be done."

The instantaneous REACTION, more often than not in my case, involved a blown out of proportion response.

A properly executed tenth step PRIOR to the REACTION, has often resulted in a sober, measured response to address the current situation.

The 10th also gives me a method of RIGHTING the issue, if I react inappropriately. As soon as I recognize that my REACTION (or response in some cases) was wrong - I own up to it.


We're not always wrong. But I go back to my football days in high school, it was usually the guy who hit back that got called for a pentalty and rarely the instigator. I equate this, with experience, of times when I'm perceiving mistreatment and fire back in kind. Usually I wind up being "more wrong" than the initial instigator. With the 10th, I've found I can respond - not be a shrinking violet or a door mat for people - but actually just address the current situation like an adult.

Hope that helps.

[Tommyh]

welcome to SR

fear can put us on the defensive
we may get invited to a fight,but we don`t have to go
sickness in others has a keen way of drawing us in
we have nothing to prove to them or ourselves

so,what they say or think of me is none of my business