CallMeButch

I have been sober for a little over 2 weeks now after a pretty bad relapse, with this being my 2nd relapse in 3 years. I never want to drink again, as I know that it will not lead to anything good or produce any fruitful results in my life. I finally understand that and have no qualms about it. However, I'm not 100% convinced that I am an alcoholic. I can have a couple drinks and walk away. I can go for weeks without having a drink and not think twice about it.

I went to a meeting last week and someone said that how almost every new alcoholic that comes into the rooms does not understand that their drinking is only a symptom of their real, deeply imbedded emotional issues. That they feel so much better when they have stopped drinking and think that they have been cured of their alcoholism without having done any real work on fixing their inner turmoil that resulted in their drinking behaviors. A lot of people were nodding their heads and a few commented, agreeing that they didn't realize their drinking was only symptomatic.

That seemed strange to me that people don't see their drinking as a mask for their real problems. I've understood that for quite some time... I just didn't want to confront my problems. I wasn't ready to do so. I understood that doing so meant some major life changes that I was not mentally equipped to handle at the time.

So will this cause any soft of conundrum with the first step? I know that I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I NEED sobriety. I know that I have drank alcoholically in times of severe stress in my life in order "to cope" but have been able to maintain sobriety or moderated drinking when I wasn't in stressful situations. In fact, I have come to realize that my drinking is a symptom of my addiction to unhealthy romantic relationships. In fact, when I have been single or in healthy relationships, I seldom ever drank. And... if I'm completely honest, part of me feels that maybe I'm just in denial about being an alcoholic. I'm not sure why because I have no issue saying so at meetings but admitting it to myself just feels wrong. What do you all think?

biminiblue

I think if you want to stop drinking you will find the answers.

Seek and you shall find, as has been said in a very wise book or two.

I know when I think too much I get myself all twisted up and the first couple months are full of overthink/speedy brain. Just go to meetings, get involved and don't pick up that first drink for now. The rest will come when you surrender.

Hope4Life

For me, admitting to myself that I had a problem was THE turning point in my life. Once I had done that, the rest of the work I needed to do did not seem so daunting.

I think you are right on about denial as it is one of an addicts most powerful tools to justify continuing to drink or use. I was in denial that my severe gout attacks were being caused by my beer consumption. Since I stopped drinking, I have not had another attack....

I'd suggest that you attend a meeting EVERY day for a while. Look for the similarities and dismiss the differences you hear in the stories of others. Read the first 162 pages of the book of Alcoholics Anonymous and get in touch with your higher power, no matter what that is.

Glad you are here!

Good Luck!

tomsteve

Welp,look at this:
What does the first step say?
Admitted we were alcoholic
Or
Admitted we were powerless over alcohol.

What I think is it would be wise to read the big book to get an understanding of what/ how an alcoholic is.
But IMO I read some of it in yer post.

sugarbear1

it's kinda deeper than just romantic relationships....

Gottalife

If I could come at this from a slightly different angle, there are problem drinkers who drink because of some other issue, I.e. Grief, stress, social anxiety, bad relationship etc. when these issues are resolved, the problem drinking goes away.

So, if it is an external issue, treat the issue and the alcohol problem will go away.

If Alcoholism is the problem, then treating the issues will have no lasting effect because the issues are not the problem. In this latter case, treat the alcoholism, and the problem will be solved.

If you try and use treatment for issues to treat the alcoholism, or alcoholism treatment to fix issues that should be dealt with through counselling, medication, etc, the liklihood of a disappointing outcome is quite high.

Kensho

“The only requirement for membership [in AA] is a desire to stop drinking.” I didn’t want to say that I was an alcoholic either - and I didn’t for many meetings; I would just say, “My name is ________,” and continue from there. Nobody ever said anything about it.

I have no particular definition of alcoholic that would fit everyone. I only know that years of empirical evidence convinced me that it is descriptive of me, in terms of drinking. I have been in enough meetings now to see that not all became blackout, falling-down drunks before coming to the conclusion that the term fits them as well. Maybe it can be as simple as deciding that you need some help and support in your endeavor to quit drinking.

Now I say that I’m an alcoholic in the same way as I might say that I’m diabetic, for example - or that I’ve developed cardiovascular disease (neither of which is the case, thankfully). It isn’t who I am; it is just a condition that I have.

You may not be an alcoholic. In the end, only you will be able to decide. I will only add that being sober in AA might be an easier way to find out for yourself, than finding out through progressive drinking (in my case, the manifestation was progressive over many years).

Be well.

GratefulChris

From everything you have said I would say you are an alcoholic. The fact you're thinking about if you are, going to meetings, and trying to find loopholes in being an alcoholic to say you are not one points in the direction you are.
At the next meeting you attend pick up a copy of "Living Sober", its typically free, it was written with the first step in mind and offers some great advice for the place you're in right now-I have been where you are. As for the meeting and what the speaker said he hit the nail on the head we drink because our thinking is muddled up. Finally, in recovery you don't confront your problems-I know that sounds strange. You confront your behaviors and how you react to the problems. Its not about what is coming at you but what comes out of you.

Music

I've been sober a long time, but I still remember my very first meeting. I introduced myself and said, "I'm not sure if I'm alcoholic or not." The learning process started. I listened to the people around the table and I kept thinking, "I haven't done that" or "I didn't drink like that" or "I haven't lost a job or been divorced". I heard people talk about drinking mouth wash or Nyquil and I hadn't done those things. Then my sponsor suggested to me that instead of listening for ways I didn't qualify, to start listening for ways I could relate to, such as drinking in the morning. Waking up and throwing up. Making sure I had plenty to drink on the weekends instead of paying a bill. It didn't take very long for me to find things that made me qualify. But, the thing that got me was when I read the Big Book in chapter 3 where it suggests I try some "controlled" drinking, or try not drinking for a year. I read step one and thought about what it really said. Even if I could not drink for a time, when I took that first drink, I couldn't stop. Was alcohol the source of any of my financial problems, or problems with my marriage; in short, was any part of my life unmanageable due to drinking? I think the most important question to ask is: Do you want to stop drinking and how much success have you had doing it on your own? If the answer to either question is "yes", it doesn't matter whether you want to be an alcoholic or not, if it's just a matter of wearing a title, get over it. Get help from people who know how achieve what you want to achieve. Just because I don't drink, and haven't for a while, doesn't mean life stops. I have life problems today just like everyone else, but I don't have a drinking problem today. The answers are there, I just had to want to find them.

CallMeButch

Thanks for all the input. It was really helpful in going over the first step with my sponsor and she was totally understanding of my viewpoint. We talked it out and concluded that for now that my admission to being powerless over alcohol and finding my life unmanageable was good enough to complete the first step process. Now I'm moving on to step two!

barefootjunker

Actually the steps are such that drinking is just a symptom of deeper problems in our lives. But the drinking needs do be out of the way before these other things can be dealt with. But without the first step, and the admittance of the drinking issues, no one can go on in honesty, to work the steps and find the root of their addiction.

Kensho

Good for you!

markz

Everyone has to hit a bottom.
Alcoholics very commonly lie to themselves!

Spacegoat

A lot of the OP here resonated with me so thanks. I too was in the same position, reluctant to adopt the 'alcoholic' moniker…

I went to some meetings but to be honest, I was drinking before and after them. Trying to find loopholes in the words I was hearing, for example they said 'we are are powerless over drink'. So I left the meeting, didn't drink for a few hours and then decides 'hey look, turns out Im not so powerless after all' and start to drink! Daft I know. And I realize now that they probably meant once a drink is taken we are powerless, which now I totally agree with.

Well after doing 6 months sober my mind was a lot clearer lately, and I know that the drinking was masking something deeper within.

Do the 12 steps actually try to address that? There seems to be a couple of conflicting comments here.

sugarbear1

why not work those steps and find out?

Spacegoat

I'm not sure whats involved? And anyway, I'm a bit scared and confused. I'm already hated and excommunicated in the community. Don't ask me why as I can't figure it out. I have done nothing irreprehensible in case your wondering, so it must be to do with my drinking somehow.

Anyway. I don't have any transport to get to the meetings if thats whats involved

sugarbear1

Music said it well: "I think the most important question to ask is: Do you want to stop drinking and how much success have you had doing it on your own? If the answer to either question is "yes", it doesn't matter whether you want to be an alcoholic or not, if it's just a matter of wearing a title, get over it. Get help from people who know how achieve what you want to achieve. Just because I don't drink, and haven't for a while, doesn't mean life stops. I have life problems today just like everyone else, but I don't have a drinking problem today. The answers are there, I just had to want to find them."

Maybe you can find an online sponsor, although in person is best. I found a zillion and one ways to get my alcohol or drugs, I also found a zillion and one way to get to a meeting. Today, I don't bother with what others think of me, as long as I don't drink and keep moving forward in life.

I wish you well!

There's also AVRT, SMART, and Rational Recovery. Life Ring, SOS also have their own websites.

Spacegoat

Doubler

Spacegoat

Hi. I agree with what you say. Well I have stopped drinking and have had success, and I do realize its important. But that doesn't explain to me why I have been so happy for all these years and also, why I react like I do when the drink is taken. I suppose it is fair to reason that if anyone were willing to help another, it would most likely be someone who has been through the same problems. I know that I have always tried to help others out if I encountered them having a hard time. Whereas most of my mates would just have let them crash and burn! I don't know.

It's not so much the title. It's that I am from a very small place, in a small place and to say that there is pressure, well thats an understatement. No matter what I do around, I am wrong!!! Seriously

Funnily enough (or not so funny) before I lost all I was making plans to move a bit further away from where I'm from, to start attending meetings and exploring different groups, spirituality and the like. Basically just to come in contact with some new people who maybe have the same experiences as myself, just to make some new experiences really and to hopefully find inner peace. I have achieved that even when sober.

I will start anyway by opening the book this coming week, almost back to 'normal' now, whatever that is.

markz

Its totally understanding that you are scared of working the steps. I think everyone was, or is. But if you see its not working out the way you want it, why not try something different instead of doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Heck, even people with cancer are scared of chemotherapy, but they do it, why?


BECAUSE IT SAVES THEIR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!