Why do people think my drinking is acceptable? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

AnimalCrackers · 09-11-2011, 07:34 PM

Hi all - I'm a new user to this forum. I'm a 29 year old female and have been binge drinking on the weekends for over 10 years. As I write this, I'm laying in bed with a hangover from last night (it is now 10pm).

My drinking is a huge concern for me. Some days I can control myself but most times I drink, I lose control. Most morning afters are filled with guilt, embarrassment, and questions about the night that I don't remember. I have severe hangovers but it doesn't stop me.

I believe I'm an alcoholic. I want to gain control of life. I don't want to wait until I ruin a relationship with someone in my life or do serious damage to myself when I'm drunk.

I've expressed this to a few friends of mine.
I'm not sure if they are in denial themselves, but no one seems to agree with me when I say I have a problem. I'm almost 30 and don't want to be given a hard time when I decline a drink. I also don't want to explain my situation to everyone.

I think these people do care about me. However, they don't understand. That is why I joined this site today. I hope to find people who are in similar situations and do understand. Im tried of living to drink and I don't think I'll be able to stop without support.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post x

Mark75 · 09-11-2011, 08:05 PM

It doesn't matter what they think, if it's a problem for you, it's a problem. There are many reasons they may think what they do... But that's not your concern right know.

Welcome to SR!

SeekSobriety · 09-11-2011, 09:55 PM

Thanks for sharing. Check out some local AA meetings. I recommend checking out some of the Womens meetings. You will meet some incredible people who understand exactly what you are going through. AA Meetings In Canada,Alcoholics Anonymous, AA,Meetings, Drinking problem,Alcoholism,Alcoholics Anonymous, AA,drinking problem,addiction,Alcoholic help,alcoholism help,treatment,addictions,support,drugs,drug additon,drug additions http://http://www.aacanada.com/cdnmeetings.html

CarolD · 09-12-2011, 07:59 AM

Welcome...

All my friends were drinkers so when I expressed my concerns they did not understand either.

when I said I am quitting and have joined AA...they thought I had gone off my rocker...

However...I was not going to be put off by anyones opinion as I simply knew I needed to head into a sober future. And so I have...and it's
been worth the work I did in AA.

Yes you too can win over alcohol..and I'm glad you are here.

AnimalCrackers · 09-12-2011, 08:25 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's really appreciated. I joined Lifering today and attended my first online meeting. It was nice to speak to others in similar situations.

This weekend I have a big camping trip planned for my best friends birthday. I'm concerned because there will be a lot of drinking there. I have to go because I planned it and everything is in my name. I'm telling myself that I can do this - without alcohol. However, as the day goes on my thoughts are changing. I keep thinking "well, maybe I can bring 4 coolers" "maybe I can control my drinking". I have to force myself to then think "probably not".

I need to shake this. Any thoughts?

dawnrunner · 09-13-2011, 04:57 AM

About the camping trip:

You need to fore-arm yourself with a plan.

(1) Include beverages that you will enjoy such as soda, mineral water, instant cocoa packets, whatever you like when you are camping. (I love coffee so bringing a nice coffee set-up is crucial for me!)

(2) Practice saying what you'll say when the camping pals all start hoisting and offering alcohol: 'Not for me thanks', 'No I am not drinking', 'I'm having soda', 'I just made coffee', etc.

(3) Have alternate activities in mind: You will go for a short night-hike, you will tend the fire and gather wood, you will clean up the camp site, you will get somebody to play their guitar and sing, you will play some music and really listen to it, etc. Look at the stars through binoculars; notice that they are not all fuzzy and they do not actually move!

(4) Imagine how great you are going to feel in the morning!

Best wishes for a right and sober camping experience, and strength to you in all you are attempting to accomplish today, clear-headed and sober!

AnimalCrackers · 09-13-2011, 05:27 AM

Thanks, Dawn. That's great advice! I especially like #4

Nothing is worse than being hungover on a camping trip. And I like the idea of tending the fire.

UofI2008 · 09-21-2011, 01:23 PM

I'm 26 and got the same thing. First, they couldn't possibly understand YOUR problem and secondly most of my "friends" had the same (alcohol) problem. I feel like their line of reasoning was, "you aren't an alcoholic because if you are than I am one". I didn't realize how abnormal my friendships were until I met some normal people and got away from old friends and places. Beating this problem is going to take you analyzing your whole life and coming to some hard decisions.

rhcpchick88 · 09-22-2011, 11:48 PM

I'm going through the same thing right now. Most people say that I was okay when I was drunk - I was just funny. Or that I am fine, maybe I just need a break, or just to have a few here and there. Or that I don't have the disease maybe it's just some of the people i've been hanging out with.
I can have a few one day but it makes me just want to get drunk so the next time I drink I lose all control. Last weekend I spent 36 hours drunk, probably had about 60 ounces or more of liquor in me. Got my 2nd concussion in the last 3 weeks. My liver is swollen. I just came back to AA on Monday after a year and a half, had a slip last night. Came back again today.
For me, it's not what others tell me, it's what I feel is going on for myself. And I feel I can't control my drinking and that I need to stop (but I need help for that - I cannot do it on my own).

**Dee74** · 09-22-2011, 11:52 PM

Welcome to SR rhcpchick88

I agree with you - we know what we need better than anyone else

D

CarolD · 09-23-2011, 01:26 AM

hcpchick88...

....Welcome to our recovery community

shaun00 · 09-23-2011, 10:11 AM

hello and welcome.

My father still cant understand why i cant just have a beer with him.
Even though he has visited me in hospital....seen me 8 stone and yellow and visited me in jails.....

"Just stay away from the hard stuff and dont drink unless with me"...he sometimes says......11 years now and he still says it on rare occasions..lol..much to my mothers disgust lol.

Normal drinkers dont understand alcoholism.......alcoholics dont understand normal drinkers.....

But then they dont have to understand....it really is our problem , understood by only us....and drinkers like us..

As for not drinking.....its no biggy really.....lots of people dont drink these days...i was 33 when i stopped drinking ...and it wasnt much of a biggy then around people......i just dont drink.....if people ask why....i just say cos im allergic to it....and it makes me sick...simple.

Boleo · 09-23-2011, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaun00

Normal drinkers dont understand alcoholism.......alcoholics dont understand normal drinkers.....

At some point during my long drinking career, I learned that if I drank fast enough, I could put an end to ALL of my suffering. Once I experienced that, there was no going back to the real world.

IMO "normal drinkers" never learn that. It was not until I learned a sober way to put an end to my suffering (like when I was extremely drunk), that I was able to go back to the real world without having alcohol as a crutch.

I now realize that by using spiritual principles, I can stay spiritually fit enough that nothing makes me feel like am suffering. Not that bad things don't happen, they just seem trivial to me now.

(old Chinese saying)
"In this life, pain is inevitable - suffering is optional".

Veritas1 · 09-25-2011, 02:43 AM

Learning a sober way to put the end to suffering...Now that is what I need. I also need to stop self medicating with booze.

Do you think we self medicate?

Or...are we just alcoholics, that think we are in control, and self medicating?

Are we really just powerless to keep drinking until we find this sober way to put the end to the suffering?

A lady from AA gave me the term self medicating today.

This is why I am asking.

Am I self medicating, or succumbing to the mental obsession?

shaun00 · 09-25-2011, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Am I self medicating, or succumbing to the mental obsession?

My own experience is this.......if i remain in a spiritually fit and healthy condition i dont suffer from a mental obsession....and vastly more than that.
If i fail to build on my spiritual well being/ connection......in a short time i become sick again....i start to think i run the show again and the malady returns...the hole in the soul.
That in turn kicks off a mental obsession... life shortly becomes unbearable again and i reach for the only solution "my mind" tells me i have .....i pick up......and the allergy has been fed......fantasy seems real.

Cantonian · 10-26-2011, 11:03 AM

It's been said "It's not how much or how often you drink, it's what drinking does to you when you do drink."

It sounds like you really don't enjoy drinking anymore and it's slowly getting less enjoyable...
Only you can determine if it's a problem for you and you want to find a solution...If so I would recommend AA.

As for replying to people that push it, well like it's been said many will not understand but maybe saying something along the lines of:

"I can't drink alcohol, it reacts with my meds (medication) " The 'medication' being recovery.

Most people tend not to pry about others medical conditions, but if so then say "I'd rather not talk about it..."
Everything you've said is honest and should shut down most people...the ones that really, really push probably need a program themselves...

Misery just loves company!

WritingFool · 10-31-2011, 07:50 PM

I am in the same boat as you all - no one seems to understand why I can't just cut down. For a long time I let that keep me away from recovery.

hpace6 · 11-09-2011, 06:05 AM

Hi Writingfool! I have to agree with u. Thats what I always heard also "why cant u just cut down?" I have banged my head against the wall so many times trying to get that one right.

r Finally I've come to the conclusion it cant be done!!! I explain it to my husband like this "you know how u cant just eat one handful of potatoe chips? Thats how I am about drinking" Then it makes sense to him. My last drink was Oct.30/11, and I cant be more happy about that

funnygirl2 · 11-12-2011, 11:43 AM

you're probably hanging around party friends who are also heavy drinkers..when i gave up drinking, i had to ditch all of these party friends. but don't worry, you can make new sober friends, you will be fine! keep posting on here!

09-11-2011, 07:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
AnimalCrackers Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 10	Why do people think my drinking is acceptable? Hi all - I'm a new user to this forum. I'm a 29 year old female and have been binge drinking on the weekends for over 10 years. As I write this, I'm laying in bed with a hangover from last night (it is now 10pm). My drinking is a huge concern for me. Some days I can control myself but most times I drink, I lose control. Most morning afters are filled with guilt, embarrassment, and questions about the night that I don't remember. I have severe hangovers but it doesn't stop me. I believe I'm an alcoholic. I want to gain control of life. I don't want to wait until I ruin a relationship with someone in my life or do serious damage to myself when I'm drunk. I've expressed this to a few friends of mine. I'm not sure if they are in denial themselves, but no one seems to agree with me when I say I have a problem. I'm almost 30 and don't want to be given a hard time when I decline a drink. I also don't want to explain my situation to everyone. I think these people do care about me. However, they don't understand. That is why I joined this site today. I hope to find people who are in similar situations and do understand. Im tried of living to drink and I don't think I'll be able to stop without support. Thanks for taking the time to read my post x

09-12-2011, 07:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	Welcome... All my friends were drinkers so when I expressed my concerns they did not understand either. when I said I am quitting and have joined AA...they thought I had gone off my rocker... However...I was not going to be put off by anyones opinion as I simply knew I needed to head into a sober future. And so I have...and it's been worth the work I did in AA. Yes you too can win over alcohol..and I'm glad you are here. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

09-22-2011, 11:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 67,101	Welcome to SR rhcpchick88 I agree with you - we know what we need better than anyone else D __________________

09-23-2011, 01:26 AM	#11 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	hcpchick88.......Welcome to our recovery community __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

09-25-2011, 02:43 AM	#14 (permalink)
Veritas1 Child of God Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 3,219	Learning a sober way to put the end to suffering...Now that is what I need. I also need to stop self medicating with booze. Do you think we self medicate? Or...are we just alcoholics, that think we are in control, and self medicating? Are we really just powerless to keep drinking until we find this sober way to put the end to the suffering? A lady from AA gave me the term self medicating today. This is why I am asking. Am I self medicating, or succumbing to the mental obsession? __________________ AA quotes first edition

09-11-2011, 08:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mark75 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,823	It doesn't matter what they think, if it's a problem for you, it's a problem. There are many reasons they may think what they do... But that's not your concern right know. Welcome to SR!

09-11-2011, 09:55 PM	#3 (permalink)
SeekSobriety Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 440	Thanks for sharing. Check out some local AA meetings. I recommend checking out some of the Womens meetings. You will meet some incredible people who understand exactly what you are going through. AA Meetings In Canada,Alcoholics Anonymous, AA,Meetings, Drinking problem,Alcoholism,Alcoholics Anonymous, AA,drinking problem,addiction,Alcoholic help,alcoholism help,treatment,addictions,support,drugs,drug additon,drug additions http://http://www.aacanada.com/cdnmeetings.html

09-12-2011, 08:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
AnimalCrackers Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 10	Thanks everyone for your replies. It's really appreciated. I joined Lifering today and attended my first online meeting. It was nice to speak to others in similar situations. This weekend I have a big camping trip planned for my best friends birthday. I'm concerned because there will be a lot of drinking there. I have to go because I planned it and everything is in my name. I'm telling myself that I can do this - without alcohol. However, as the day goes on my thoughts are changing. I keep thinking "well, maybe I can bring 4 coolers" "maybe I can control my drinking". I have to force myself to then think "probably not". I need to shake this. Any thoughts?

09-13-2011, 04:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
dawnrunner Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Great Lakes Posts: 374	About the camping trip: You need to fore-arm yourself with a plan. (1) Include beverages that you will enjoy such as soda, mineral water, instant cocoa packets, whatever you like when you are camping. (I love coffee so bringing a nice coffee set-up is crucial for me!) (2) Practice saying what you'll say when the camping pals all start hoisting and offering alcohol: 'Not for me thanks', 'No I am not drinking', 'I'm having soda', 'I just made coffee', etc. (3) Have alternate activities in mind: You will go for a short night-hike, you will tend the fire and gather wood, you will clean up the camp site, you will get somebody to play their guitar and sing, you will play some music and really listen to it, etc. Look at the stars through binoculars; notice that they are not all fuzzy and they do not actually move! (4) Imagine how great you are going to feel in the morning! Best wishes for a right and sober camping experience, and strength to you in all you are attempting to accomplish today, clear-headed and sober!

09-13-2011, 05:27 AM	#7 (permalink)
AnimalCrackers Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 10	Thanks, Dawn. That's great advice! I especially like #4 Nothing is worse than being hungover on a camping trip. And I like the idea of tending the fire.

09-21-2011, 01:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
UofI2008 Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Alabama Posts: 218	I'm 26 and got the same thing. First, they couldn't possibly understand YOUR problem and secondly most of my "friends" had the same (alcohol) problem. I feel like their line of reasoning was, "you aren't an alcoholic because if you are than I am one". I didn't realize how abnormal my friendships were until I met some normal people and got away from old friends and places. Beating this problem is going to take you analyzing your whole life and coming to some hard decisions.

09-22-2011, 11:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
rhcpchick88 Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: edmonton, alberta Posts: 7	I'm going through the same thing right now. Most people say that I was okay when I was drunk - I was just funny. Or that I am fine, maybe I just need a break, or just to have a few here and there. Or that I don't have the disease maybe it's just some of the people i've been hanging out with. I can have a few one day but it makes me just want to get drunk so the next time I drink I lose all control. Last weekend I spent 36 hours drunk, probably had about 60 ounces or more of liquor in me. Got my 2nd concussion in the last 3 weeks. My liver is swollen. I just came back to AA on Monday after a year and a half, had a slip last night. Came back again today. For me, it's not what others tell me, it's what I feel is going on for myself. And I feel I can't control my drinking and that I need to stop (but I need help for that - I cannot do it on my own).

09-23-2011, 10:11 AM	#12 (permalink)
shaun00 Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: uk Posts: 2,509	hello and welcome. My father still cant understand why i cant just have a beer with him. Even though he has visited me in hospital....seen me 8 stone and yellow and visited me in jails..... "Just stay away from the hard stuff and dont drink unless with me"...he sometimes says......11 years now and he still says it on rare occasions..lol..much to my mothers disgust lol. Normal drinkers dont understand alcoholism.......alcoholics dont understand normal drinkers..... But then they dont have to understand....it really is our problem , understood by only us....and drinkers like us.. As for not drinking.....its no biggy really.....lots of people dont drink these days...i was 33 when i stopped drinking ...and it wasnt much of a biggy then around people......i just dont drink.....if people ask why....i just say cos im allergic to it....and it makes me sick...simple.

10-26-2011, 11:03 AM	#16 (permalink)
Cantonian 11/11/07 Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 60	It's been said "It's not how much or how often you drink, it's what drinking does to you when you do drink." It sounds like you really don't enjoy drinking anymore and it's slowly getting less enjoyable... Only you can determine if it's a problem for you and you want to find a solution...If so I would recommend AA. As for replying to people that push it, well like it's been said many will not understand but maybe saying something along the lines of: "I can't drink alcohol, it reacts with my meds (medication) " The 'medication' being recovery. Most people tend not to pry about others medical conditions, but if so then say "I'd rather not talk about it..." Everything you've said is honest and should shut down most people...the ones that really, really push probably need a program themselves... Misery just loves company! __________________ May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

10-31-2011, 07:50 PM	#17 (permalink)
WritingFool Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Central Texas Posts: 64	I am in the same boat as you all - no one seems to understand why I can't just cut down. For a long time I let that keep me away from recovery.

11-09-2011, 06:05 AM	#18 (permalink)
hpace6 Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 10	Hi Writingfool! I have to agree with u. Thats what I always heard also "why cant u just cut down?" I have banged my head against the wall so many times trying to get that one right.r Finally I've come to the conclusion it cant be done!!! I explain it to my husband like this "you know how u cant just eat one handful of potatoe chips? Thats how I am about drinking" Then it makes sense to him. My last drink was Oct.30/11, and I cant be more happy about that

11-12-2011, 11:43 AM	#19 (permalink)
funnygirl2 Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 14	you're probably hanging around party friends who are also heavy drinkers..when i gave up drinking, i had to ditch all of these party friends. but don't worry, you can make new sober friends, you will be fine! keep posting on here!

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