First AA meeting tonight

[intothelight]

I'm excited, nervous, scared, weary (because what if it doesn't help?).
But glad I get to go!

I have been downing 4 liters of seltzer water a day(I even did Google searches to see if seltzer water is ok for me to drink) and it's my new "drug" of choice to stay away from alcohol for the past 8 days. And I laughingly admit - it's NOT the same. But better since I seem to be a bit clearer, a tiny bit happier.

Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to go to an AA meeting tonight. Will write more later...

[CarolD]

hi again...

I'm so thrilled that you are going...try to relax and listen to the members who are shareing

everyone was nervous when they first walked in...you really will be ok...

Do come back and let us know how it went...K?.

[DayTrader]

Good for u light. Getting the willingness to try something you probably don't 'want' to do (like hit a meeting) is a good step forward in recovery. I found I had to start trying/doing a whole bunch of things I didn't really feel like doing at all....... but that's where it starts.

Keep it up....it'll serve you well.

[intothelight]

So I went last night and I'll never forget my first meeting. We had a "first step" meeting and it was a large group of 20+ people. I "thought" i recognized a couple of people in the room but to hear people introduce themselves as alcoholics, I started feeling right at home. Some were old, some were young. There were three newcomers total in the room and I was one of them. We began with the serenity prayer - for ourselves and those still afflicted with the disease who were struggling.

As I listened to the stories, there was a lull in the room after one woman spoke. I suddenly felt compelled to speak. I said "I'm S______ I'm an alcoholic, 8 days sober." And began speaking about me. How I hid bottles in my closet of Vodka. Measuring my wine and vodka supply obsessively to make sure I had enough. How pressures of motherhood, career, marriage, life all made me spiral towards drinking. How it was my "secret" and no one would think the church-going, PTA mom with the nice house, job, and family would be suffering and hiding so much.

I also shared about what triggered my decision to finally admit my alcoholism - the HBO documentary on Diane Schuler, suburban housewife driving the wrong way on the highway, killing 8 people, including herself. I said how much I identified with her - no one knew she even had a problem but they found an broken/empty Absolut vodka bottle in her car and her toxicology report showed she was completely drunk at the time of the accident.

Many were there at the meeting due to a court mandate, had lost their jobs, families, homes. But for me, I know how close I came to becoming Diane. I said how scared I was of "never drinking again" because it had become such an integral part of my life but I had the desire to stop drinking. And then I stopped speaking.

"Cross talk" is not allowed but people started chiming in after I spoke and the comments really got me thinking. Saying "it's a choice to not drink today and that's how I get through it, S____." One man said, "it's not about how much you drink or how often you drink but how the drink affects you. And no one comes to AA on a winning streak." The winning streak comment was something I really mulled over - he was right. I hadn't come because my life was lovely - I came because I realized how unmanageable life had become. But the first AA meeting and my admission of alcoholism is definitely a "win" in my book.

After the meeting, people swarmed around me to congratulate me and give me hugs/shake my hand. Many women came up to me and said "your story is my story." One woman told me how much the documentary had moved her, too. How she had cried like a baby and when her husband asked her why, she replied: "because I am so blessed it didn't happen to me." I walked away with a dozen phone numbers and the Big Book.

I felt God IN the room as we held hands and closed with The Lord's Prayer. More later...but I had to share and how unforgettable the experience was.

[intothelight]

P.S. How does one get a sponsor?

[CarolD]

I suggest before getting into a sponsor/sponsee relationship that you read the this guideline

Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

Many meetings have it on the free literature rack so you may wish to have your own copy.

My hunch is you may have already met your sponsor last night..
Call those AA women and get better acquainted. They really do want you to.

I'm glad you had an awesome expereince and this new journey is going to be so beneficial ....yes...a win win deal for sure....

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by intothelight

I walked away with a dozen phone numbers and the Big Book.

I felt God IN the room as we held hands and closed with The Lord's Prayer.

wow......good for YOU! It took me more than my first meeting to feel that same thing. It's awesome, isn't it?

Originally Posted by intothelight

P.S. How does one get a sponsor?

There will be lots of recommendations ranging from "just ask anyone....today" all the way to "hit tons of meetings and take your time." I lean towards getting one now and changing later if you have to over taking too much time looking for that 'just right' person but I think there's an easy way to to it quickly and not just throw a dart..........

Here's a sure-fire way to find someone solid....and find them fast.

First, EVERYONE knows you're new. It's plain as day to someone who's been around for a while.....and we already KNOW you need a sponsor......so we expect you to be asking around -- SO.....don't feel shy about looking and about asking questions.

Second, don't trust your own judgment 100%. Not that you're judgment is always bad......but this is new to you and being new, you won't know really what to look for. Be inquisitive and try not to worry about what "they" think of you.....it's YOUR recovery, make the most of it.

Third, ask lots of questions (best done before a meeting or after the meeting). You'll see people hanging around after most meetings......generally, these will be the more solid members with some time in. They're hanging around TO HELP NEW PPL just like you. The folks who show up and split seconds after the meeting is over.....there's a good chance they're not good sponsorship material (obviously, many ppl DO have obligations......but you know what I'm getting at). Find the ppl you liked at the meeting and ask them who they'd suggest as a sponsor. Ask them to point the person out. Get input from women AND men... They'll generally point you in the direction of the best "sponsor candidates." Do this at multiple meetings, different AA locations, etc. Get lots of input, yanno? Then......do your best to sit near the ppl that were suggested. Listen to them.....and if you have the courage, introduce yourself and get to know them. Again......WE WANT THE NEWCOMERS WHO ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THE PROGRAM TO DO THIS - IT SHOWS INITIATIVE. So here.....you've asked (hopefully) solid ppl in the program who they think are the best ppl to ask......that should narrow your list down substantially and keep you pointed in the right direction.

Fourth, and most important of all, ask your HP to put that right person in your life......and believe that HP will do it. He/She/It will....guaranteed. You have to do your part though, so make sure you're out there looking...

[intothelight]

Thank you DayTrader & CarolD.

I really appreciate the link to the pamphlet Carol & also the advice on how to find a sponsor, DT. I have always been selective over the people in my life. A natural introvert, I can only reach out when I feel there is a connection. But I think I will ask God to show me whom I should approach since I am craving that connection and really want a mentor on this journey.

Yesterday, I was at a nice Italian restaurant with my daughter for dinner. They have a gorgeous seafood pasta with mussels, scallops & shrimp. I love cooking and gourmet food. This particular restaurant is one where I have enjoyed many glasses of wine in the past. I applied what I learned in AA, though, and empowered myself to say "I CHOOSE NOT to have a drink at this restaurant this evening." And it worked! But man, was that hard.

A woman at AA referred to the desire to drink as "the sneaky snake." She had been sober for 2.5 years when the sneaky snake told her "no one who is a true A could stay sober for 2.5 years, go ahead!" And she gave in - only to find herself worse than where she was before and it finally opened the doors for her to AA.

I can't recall how many times my "sneaky snake" has told me it's ok. Buy the bottle, hide the vodka, have that extra drink. This is day 10, now, and while I'm still a newbie at sobriety, I feel as if I am engaged in a true spiritual battle. "Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil," is a line that I keep repeating to myself because it is my nature to be extremely susceptible to temptation and the demon of alcohol.

I want to attend as many AA meetings as possible and keep learning, arming myself with knowledge & fellowship. Thank you again, guys!

[DayTrader]

Sounds like you're on the right path ITL.... nice bit of honesty there ^^^^ -- that will also serve you VERY well.

[Mark75]

Originally Posted by intothelight

I felt God IN the room as we held hands and closed with The Lord's Prayer.

I know that feeling... you are off to a great start, and you are certainly honest, open and willing, and that's what you need.

[Hobochk]

I'm exactly where you are. Last night was my 6th meeting. I'm also confused on how to find a sponsor. I believe it will happen for me soon though. Good luck, isn't the 1st meeting amazing???

[sugarbear1]

I drink filtered water. They clean acid on car batteries with seltzer or even flavored sodas.

[sugarbear1]

Originally Posted by Hobochk

I'm exactly where you are. Last night was my 6th meeting. I'm also confused on how to find a sponsor. I believe it will happen for me soon though. Good luck, isn't the 1st meeting amazing???

AA has a pamphlet on sponsorship. Keep getting to meetings!

[Veritas1]

I see you mentioned people sharing at AA about how it's a choice to not drink today, and then at the restaurant you saying I choose not to drink.

I am hoping others will explain it better than me, Keith...DT?

I am just concerned that you think you have the choice to drink or not...and that the members at your meeting, were saying it's a choice to not drink today.

If I could choose to not drink, why did I keep drinking after I chose not to?

The book talks about not having the choice, about drinking even after we chose not to...so I was just reading, and the two times I saw that, it jumped out at me.

I am hoping again, that you don't think it's just you deciding if you will drink or not. I oftern make that mistake. I think it is just up to me to be good or bad, make a good choice or not.

I learned that alcoholism is the disease of no choice.

Yes, we have to make a decision to stay sober for that day. But we have to turn to our program, our action, practical application of certain ideas we learn from the big book, we have to ask God to remove the obsession, ask for help, guidance and direction from God, and others to make it. I think we can hurt ourselves if we believe, and take credit for just us choosing to be good, and not drink.

[intothelight]

Hi Veritas,
I think the "choice" they were talking about and the way I understand it is within the context of AA. Working through the steps empowers the choice whereas before, my will alone was insufficient:

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Admitting that I am an alcoholic and asking God to grant me strength gives me my power for choice today.

That being said, I am trying to "see the good" in things more often. I went to my second AA meeting on Thursday. There's a Women's Meeting at a different date and time - but my current work schedule, childcare obligations, and my husband's work schedule does not give me an option to attend that particular meeting.

The second meeting did not feel as "warm" as the first did and I started thinking "I wish I could have gone to the women's meeting." But the topic on Thursday was on acceptance - and as one mild-spoken man started speaking about how he had lost his job, how he was about to lose his house, but how he was still so grateful and did not need to drink, I accepted the good in this particular meeting and how grateful I was to be even ATTENDING a meeting.

I am not struggling with giving my disease over to God and asking Him to remove my shortcomings. What I DO struggle with is I still have urges to drink. It's day 17 of my sobriety and last night (Friday), I thought: "The week is over. It would be WONDERFUL to have a glass of chardonnay or merlot right about now. And some Vodka." But then I chose to recommit myself to the program and felt grateful to be in the program because I cannot do this alone. I thought about one woman at the Thursday AA meeting and how she had been in and out of jail 4 times and coming off a recent bender. She was on day 4 again - and her husband no longer wanted to be a part of it. How her kids were suffering. How she really wants to stop drinking.

I thought of the humble and mild-spoken gentleman who was still grateful for everything despite his current hardships. And I drew strength and decided to cook dinner.

That's all for now! Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my post.

-S

[CarolD]

When that urge to drink comes floating back.....try timeing it. Mine were never more than 5 to 7 minutes in duration

and that is when I took actions.....
I prayed....walked around the room...brushed my teeth...drank cold water..ate a snack..showered ...sang aloud...etc

I thought of that as action for distraction....

The longer I stayed sober..the less intense and shorter were the cravings
the end of 2 months they vanished....and have not returned these past 22 years.

Yoou are really moving forward...I'm so tickled for you...

[NoelleR]

Hey intothelight ----

Actually, AA's stand regarding choice/the power to choose to not drink is that until we get into recovery, we (alcoholics) do NOT have the power to choose; we've lost it; at least most of us have, at times, at least. If we had had the power to choose to not drink, we wouldn't have needed AA, or any type of program th quit; we'd have just chosen not to pick up.

I believe the statements in AA's BB to which Veritas1 was referring regarding an alcoholic's power to choose to drink or not are found in the Chapters: 'There is a Solution' and 'More About Alcoholism' and 'Into Action.' Simply paraphrased, the BB says that most alcoholics, at times, have lost that power.................:

"...The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our socalled will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink..." (AA BB; 1st ed.; Pg 34)

"...For those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming, of course, that the reader desires to stop. Whether such a person can quit upon a nonspiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not..." (AA BB; 1st ed.; Pg 45)

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The BB also goes on to describe how we deal with alcohol once we've been working the program............:

"...And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If
tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality--safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition..." (AA BB; 1st ed; Pg 97)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So there you see that AA's stand regarding choice and/or the power to choose don't even come into play (at least not for most alcoholics).....Before launching into working AA's program most alcoholics have lost that power, and by the time one is finishing with the 10th step, well, choice and/or the power to choose are no longer necessary; the problem has been removed.....what a relief!!!

(o:
NoelleR