First Weekend without alcohol and Mondays

[intothelight]

This is day 5 for me of sobriety. And I just got through my first weekend without alcohol. But isn't life so topsy-turvy without it? Even a simple meal at a restaurant without the glass of wine or cocktail and not being able to run to my vodka bottle hidden carefully in the closet for extra "sips" or purposefully not having a spur-of-the-moment dinner party with friends because I can't bear the thought of others drinking and I can't.

But I said it last week and I will say it again here - I am an alcoholic. I cannot control my cravings or how much I drink or how I let it become my extremely toxic "best friend" and crutch for everything that I do in my life. Over the weekend, I tried to be the best mom and wife I could. And this involved a) spending a lot of money on an impromptu weekend get-away with the family b) buying puzzles, games, building a cardboard castle with my kid (failed miserably, I might add) c) buying a storage unit from IKEA and putting it together in one sitting (complete with 16 shelves, wall mounts) d) cooking like a crazy woman e) taking multiple showers, walks, and deep breaths.

And it's Monday now. I HATE Mondays. It used to be (just a short week ago) my heaviest drink day because my depression would flare up and all the crushing responsibilities of the week would be weighing me down with the knowledge that "I have to do it all again and all over this week." Today, the depression is flaring up but I know "I don't have to do it all over again," since I have decided to stop drinking. That is a solace but I find myself in an alien world where I can't drink so there's definitely an element of fear. What can I fill my time with? How do I change my behavior? It's like learning to live again.

I want to go to my first AA meeting this week, keep coming back to this board, and keep trying to be the best mom & wife I can possibly be. I pray God will grant me strength and others who are struggling strength, too.

more later!

[Mark75]

Awesome 5 days!!

Relax, fear is an understandable emotion, everything is changed. No more booze. Have faith that things will get better and make more sense as you move through the steps.

Once I had a meaningful step one experience... admitting powerlessness, that left me, well... powerless. Not a very comfortable place to be, I needed to get some power into my life... I needed to believe that a power greater than I could help, and that I was willing to climb on board, turn everything over, and trust my higher power... so that I was no longer powerless.

Have you made that decision? To just... let Him work in your life?

For me, once I made that decision, the solution was simple, not always easy, lord knows, LOL... but simple... I just had to get the heck out of the way and let it happen...

Trust Him, the answers to your questions will come... Relax, if you can, let it happen. Don't try to repair and rebuild your life in one weekend... I know, you aren't trying to do that... but first things first!!

Get with a sponsor, work those steps, relief is there for you, just do the work. You'll be fine.

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by intothelight

I want to go to my first AA meeting this week, keep coming back to this board, and keep trying to be the best mom & wife I can possibly be. I pray God will grant me strength and others who are struggling strength, too.

God can.....and WILL.... if God is sought.

Keep doing what you're doing and make recovery a priority in your life and you'll be free. I did (and still do) a LOT of praying, a lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of studying (the steps) and a lot of practicing the program in all my affairs. Before long, you'll have whole DAYS where the thought to drink just doesn't occur to you. Then it'll be weeks.....and months.

Seeking God is the key though....and I haven't found an easier way or a more productive way than by working the AA program to do it.

[Gramps]

Intothelight – and whoever may be out there. Welcome to a new way of life. Happy to hear your hubby is supportive. There are many ladies here who can offer advice and support. And as you get more involved in a home group, that is an AA group where you feel comfortable, you will want to find a lady sponsor. She will be able to help get you through the steps, which you will find to be a significant part of a happy sobriety.

In the mean time, I will offer what I was told to do when I was new in the program. I was having a great deal of difficulty with the Higher Power thing. So I was told to say a simple little prayer in the morning – first thing. My sponsors told me to say these words and these words only.
“Hey Whoever,” they said to say it loud! (God loves to hear from strangers!)
“Hey Whoever is helping all those other people to stay sober today, please help me to stay sober.” And they told me to add, “And please do not let me get into anymore trouble than you can help get me out of, AMEN” These silly fools had me praying to a generic higher power to stay sober and to help keep me out of trouble. They just knew, I could get into trouble in an empty room.
The last thing they instructed me to do at night was to say, “Thank you for a good day!”
Well being the hard case that I was, my immediate retort was, “What if it was a bad day?”
Their heart felt response, very simple, “Lie you, SOB – you lie about everything else anyway!”
They were not kind to me, I was very sensitive. They did not treat me with kid gloves but they did save my life. I have been saying that same little prayer for over forty years before I get out of bed, it still works. Kind of like saying a prayer to Joe Pesci – see George Carlin’s routine on religion that should lighten things up a bit for today. Look it up on YouTube ... “George Carlin - Religion is b*^#s*#t.” WARNING IF YOU ARE A DEEPLY RELGIOUS PERSON – DO NOT GO THERE.

So now here is the little prayer all together without comments.

“Hey! Whoever is helping all those other people to stay sober today, please help me to stay sober. And please do not let me get into anymore trouble, than you can help to get me out of, AMEN.”

Last thing at night I was to say, “Thank you for a good day!”

I don’t even have to lie anymore, ain't it great!? Of course, I have added several other prayers to my morning meditation, but that little prayer seems always to add a certain little smile to my tired old face. The entire prayer may be poor English, but that is OK, He won’t mind. He can’t manage money either. Please excuse the inside joke. I have come to believe that my H.P. must have a sense of humor. When at your next meeting stop, look around the room and consider, “We are created in His own imagine and likeness.” If that is not hysterical, check out another meeting, you may have wondered into an Alanon meeting by mistake.
OK enough – I need to get some sleep.

Welcome to a new day.
May whatever Higher Power you believe in, be with you and grant you peace.
Love to all, Gramps

[barbsbasic]

You inspire me to be a better person. You're stronger than you think. I'm sincerely grateful for your post. My alcoholism stemmed from BOREDOM. Fortunately, there is ALWAYS something new to do or to finish! What a great way you got through the past five days. I suggest that you repeat the same philosophies, ONE DAY AT AT TIME. My hats off to you, and thanks for sharing your candid situation.

p.s. I attended my first AA meeting on 7/13/11 after only one day sober. By the time YOU actually attend your first meeting, you will have so much to share of your success. Congrats!

[barbsbasic]

Originally Posted by DayTrader

God can.....and WILL.... if God is sought.

Keep doing what you're doing and make recovery a priority in your life and you'll be free. I did (and still do) a LOT of praying, a lot of reading, a lot of writing, a lot of studying (the steps) and a lot of practicing the program in all my affairs. Before long, you'll have whole DAYS where the thought to drink just doesn't occur to you. Then it'll be weeks.....and months.

Seeking God is the key though....and I haven't found an easier way or a more productive way than by working the AA program to do it.

**************THIS IS GREAT ADVICE FOR ME...THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! "b4 long you'll have whole days, WEEKS MONTHS...where the thought to drink just doesn't occur to you"

[CarolD]

arbsbasic ......
Welcome to our recovery community Glad to see you are heading into a sober future...

[DayTrader]

Originally Posted by barbsbasic

**************THIS IS GREAT ADVICE FOR ME...THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! "b4 long you'll have whole days, WEEKS.... MONTHS...where the thought to drink just doesn't occur to you"

Glad and hope it helps. I had to hear over and over and over that there was hope for me. I believed there was hope for all of "you" but not really that there was much hope for me. Thankfully, God shoved a whole lotta folks around me to continually reminded me I was getting better and that it would keep getting better......if I kept trying and kept working.

Believe me, there's about a gazillion miles between "I make up my mind to not drink every day and do what I have to do to stick to it....one day at a time," and "hmmm, it just never crossed my mind anymore." I'll take door number 2 any day! (psst, you should too.)

.......and re-read Gramps' post. it was a good one.