How do I stop?

[caligoose]

I want to stop this mightmare but cant. I have missed so much work....especially after that pint of vodka or schnaps...or whatever i could get my hands on. The liquor store guys know me by sight. Why doesnt someone stop me? I have tried stopping so many times...then I get the shakes, diarrhea, and of course the non stop thinking about alcohol.
My husband said he was going to leave me and threatened to take my daughter away. I had forgotten to pick her up from daycare. I have these bruises that just show up...what does that mean? I was sober again for one day (Wednesday of this week) and i relapsed yesterday. I want some alcohol NOW. I am itching to leave work and buy this thing thats killing me. I dont know what to do. I don't want my daughter to remember me falling down the stairs, throwing beer bottles at my husbands head...and putting our lives in danger. I drive drunk. I go to work with water bottles filled with vodka and i take altoids and perfume to hide the smell. i am desperate.

[sev]

Hi caligoose. Welcome to SR. You are among friends.

I can only tell you what worked for me, and that is AA. As much as I was against it, I was desperate enough to go to ANY LENGTH to beat it. You are not alone.

[nandm]

Welcome to SR. Glad you posted here.

Your post sounds eerily familiar to me. It is not that much different from where I was when I finally reached out for help. I can assure you there is help. One of the hardest things to do is reach for help then accept it when it is given. I encourage you to put 100% of yourself into finding a solution to your drinking problem. There are many routes to sobriety. Personally, I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and have been sober 9 years as of the 13 of this month. I never dreamed it possible that I could get 6 months sober let alone almost 10 years but the time does fly by and life keeps getting better the longer I go without a drink. There are people who have gone through treatment centers and detox centers. Considering how much you say you drink I would encourage you to look into a treatment or detox center as detoxing from alcohol can be quite dangerous and sometimes deadly. You can speak with your family physician, pick up the phone book, look online, call Alcoholics Anonymous or any of the multitude of programs out there to find help. If your finances do not allow a treatment center to be an option you might check into The Salvation Army as I believe they provide low or no cost treatment. Alcoholics Anonymous is also free. There are also some great resources in the stickies at the top of the alcoholism 12 step forums.

Hang in there as your life can get better. You can be a mother to your daughter and a wife to your husband and you can do that without having to drink. It may seem impossible now but the saying "where there is a will there is a way" is a very true statement regarding alcoholism. The willingness to do whatever it takes to find sobriety is key in finding a solution. I do hope you keep us informed on how you are doing and utilize the resources here at SR.

[DonaldS]

Find a number for AA, Caligoose, and call it. Many of us suffer from the same problems you describe, but have found a way out. There is help. AA can provide a sober alcoholic who can help you get started. You are in my prayers today. May God bless and keep you.

[preta]

AA's Big Book advises that we seek medical attention if we are suffering from severe withdrawel symptoms, as you say you are. A detox center and an inpatient rehab stay can make the first week or 2 more comfortable for you. After your body has stopped fighting and the fog has cleared a little, then I would advise you to seek some kind of program. Alcoholics Anonymous is the most popular of these programs, and it is the one I use myself. There are others. Look around your local area, find out where you think you can get the help you need. It is not going to be easy, but remember, you are medically sick, not broken or a bad person. It gets better.