step 1

[christian1975]

i admit it, i am COMPLETELY powerless when it comes to alcohol! i've never had a problem admitting this, i know i am. so where do i go from here? meetings will come tonight or if not tonight deff. tomorrow. i am finding myself second guessing myself already and it's only day 2 of sobriety...i just know i cannot keep on going around and around on the 4 day binge carrousel that i have been on for the last 2 months. the problem is i am so used to white knuckling it, with out meetings...however i NEED to do something different! the same road usually leads the same place each time right? okay so that it is all i got right now...Peace Christian

[Charmie]

hello there christian.nice to meet you and welcome to sr.i drank alcoholically for 20 yrs.it was one disaster after another.i was a top up drinker that binged on top of that,,i was a drunk.i went to AA 4 years ago but it wasnt to be.i went back at the begining of the year,i was ready.i went to lots of meetings as first and used the phone,,alot.it wasnt long before i picked up again,about a month.i knew something had to change.i got myself a sponsor,not just anyone,someone that was vistiting our meeting.i heard her speak,i wanted what she had.she had sparkly eyes,she was happy and she had a quiete confidence.i asked her to be my sponsor and we worked together ont he 12 steps.i am only sober 7 and a half months christian,i have put in the work and had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps.from a broken,desperate alki to what i am today is a miracle.i am never lonely or scared anymore,i have made friends,real ones.i am always busy with some activity,i give my time freely.i am happier than i have ever been in all my life.if i can do it anyone can,,its free.i wish you well christian.

[keithj]

Howdy Christian,

The formal directions for Step 1 are on page 30, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."

How the hell does one go about that? What the hell does all that powerless stuff mean?

Step 1=surrender. I took Step 1 (unkowingly) when I stopped believing that I could somehow get my drinking under control and started believing that I was f*cked beyond all hope. I knew in my heart that it would never get better, and my life was doomed to be worse and worse with no end in sight to my misery and the misery I caused others. No redemption, no chance of success. I was foresaken. AA's Big Book chapter Working with Others calls that dwelling on the hopeless feature of the malady.

I have to smash the delusion that I can drink like other people. Am I bodily and mentally different than my fellows? I look at my own experience with that. When I drink, do I crave more? When I left a party where all of us were drinking, I always stopped for more on the way home. My friends didn't. They had enough. When the bar closed, I always sought more. I'd repeat that 'just one more before bed' mantra 6 or 7 times a night until I passed out. Just one shot to get the day going turned into 1/2 the bottle. The bottom line is that I have an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol. Some call it an allergy. That allergy makes it so I can never drink safely again. That allergy is something that all alkies have in common.

So there's my solution. Never drink again and I'll be OK. But that doesn't work because I also have a mental obsession with alcohol. For a time, physically separated from booze, I'm OK without it. But inevitably in my drinking, I always found some trivial reason for picking it back up. It's insane for me to drink in light of the almost inevitable consequences of what always happens when I drink. But there I would be, drinking again. Like the BB says, I was unable at certain times to recall with sufficient force of memory the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. I had lost the power of choice in drink.

I can't drink safely, and I can't not drink. I'm screwed big time. Now what?

[trucker]

My experience...
complete defeat......no way.........complete defeat is for losers right?
yeah sure im a vagrant but that because ive hit some hard breaks..

i mean you would drink right?.....if your life was as bad as mine.
jeez drink is the least of my worries.

im a strong bloke........im a truck driver.......jeez i was a champion school boy boxer....no way am i defeated at anything..

keith kindly quoted...."We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."

well i came into aa and i didnt.

i went and changed my drinks.....the days i drank....the place i drank.
the country i lived in.....i changed everything.
and it caught up with me every time.

something happen when i took a drink....it didnt happen to most i watched.
i just couldnt stop......i needed more and more.....most slowed up and went home..

i walked into aa broken.........id exhausted every avenue i could possibly think of......
i was completely powerless to stop....i was defeated.
strangely........it was a relief.........my secret..(or so i thought) was out.
for the first time in my life i held my hands above my head...and it felt good.

When the fog lifted and i proceded with the steps i look back and saw the complete fantasy world i lived in.....it still astounds me today...
i know the truth........im a alcoholic...and im glad to be defeated.

[christian1975]

Originally Posted by trucker

My experience...
complete defeat......no way.........complete defeat is for losers right?
yeah sure im a vagrant but that because ive hit some hard breaks..

i mean you would drink right?.....if your life was as bad as mine.
jeez drink is the least of my worries.

im a strong bloke........im a truck driver.......jeez i was a champion school boy boxer....no way am i defeated at anything..

keith kindly quoted...."We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."

well i came into aa and i didnt.

i went and changed my drinks.....the days i drank....the place i drank.
the country i lived in.....i changed everything.
and it caught up with me every time.

something happen when i took a drink....it didnt happen to most i watched.
i just couldnt stop......i needed more and more.....most slowed up and went home..

i walked into aa broken.........id exhausted every avenue i could possibly think of......
i was completely powerless to stop....i was defeated.
strangely........it was a relief.........my secret..(or so i thought) was out.
for the first time in my life i held my hands above my head...and it felt good.

When the fog lifted and i proceded with the steps i look back and saw the complete fantasy world i lived in.....it still astounds me today...
i know the truth........im a alcoholic...and im glad to be defeated.

i identified with your reply...i never thought that "i would be happy to be defeated"...but i truly am...there would never be enough alcohol to satisfy me , and that's what it boils down to for me..i am a small guy 5'6" 120 lbs but can easily out drink the "amature drunk"...it's just not "fun" anymore...so i thank you for your reply!! peace Christian

[christian1975]

pray -and go to meetings that's what i am going to do

[christian1975]

Originally Posted by charmian

hello there christian.nice to meet you and welcome to sr.i drank alcoholically for 20 yrs.it was one disaster after another.i was a top up drinker that binged on top of that,,i was a drunk.i went to AA 4 years ago but it wasnt to be.i went back at the begining of the year,i was ready.i went to lots of meetings as first and used the phone,,alot.it wasnt long before i picked up again,about a month.i knew something had to change.i got myself a sponsor,not just anyone,someone that was vistiting our meeting.i heard her speak,i wanted what she had.she had sparkly eyes,she was happy and she had a quiete confidence.i asked her to be my sponsor and we worked together ont he 12 steps.i am only sober 7 and a half months christian,i have put in the work and had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps.from a broken,desperate alki to what i am today is a miracle.i am never lonely or scared anymore,i have made friends,real ones.i am always busy with some activity,i give my time freely.i am happier than i have ever been in all my life.if i can do it anyone can,,its free.i wish you well christian.

thank you for your encouraging words....i am going to my first meeting in the morning and i can't believe i am actually excited...anyways thanks for your post and i took your words to heart...peace Christian

[christian1975]

Originally Posted by keithj

Howdy Christian,

The formal directions for Step 1 are on page 30, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics."

How the hell does one go about that? What the hell does all that powerless stuff mean?

Step 1=surrender. I took Step 1 (unkowingly) when I stopped believing that I could somehow get my drinking under control and started believing that I was f*cked beyond all hope. I knew in my heart that it would never get better, and my life was doomed to be worse and worse with no end in sight to my misery and the misery I caused others. No redemption, no chance of success. I was foresaken. AA's Big Book chapter Working with Others calls that dwelling on the hopeless feature of the malady.

I have to smash the delusion that I can drink like other people. Am I bodily and mentally different than my fellows? I look at my own experience with that. When I drink, do I crave more? When I left a party where all of us were drinking, I always stopped for more on the way home. My friends didn't. They had enough. When the bar closed, I always sought more. I'd repeat that 'just one more before bed' mantra 6 or 7 times a night until I passed out. Just one shot to get the day going turned into 1/2 the bottle. The bottom line is that I have an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol. Some call it an allergy. That allergy makes it so I can never drink safely again. That allergy is something that all alkies have in common.

So there's my solution. Never drink again and I'll be OK. But that doesn't work because I also have a mental obsession with alcohol. For a time, physically separated from booze, I'm OK without it. But inevitably in my drinking, I always found some trivial reason for picking it back up. It's insane for me to drink in light of the almost inevitable consequences of what always happens when I drink. But there I would be, drinking again. Like the BB says, I was unable at certain times to recall with sufficient force of memory the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. I had lost the power of choice in drink.

I can't drink safely, and I can't not drink. I'm screwed big time. Now what?

hi there how's it goin today? all is well i hope!! just wanted to send you a quick thank you for your words of hope and encouragement take care and bless you

[Firehazard]

Hi Christian,

Welcome, You're in the right place. It's all about surrendering and you have

already started by posting and going to meetings. Do what is suggested at the

meetings and it will change.

[CarolD]

Hi again christian1975 ....

Glad to see you sharing on our Step Study sub Forum.

[christian1975]

hi there firehazard...thank you for the kind words! i find sharring and posting in here is a good way for me to start so it won't be so difficult participating in the meetings!!

[christian1975]

hi there carold!! thanks for the support...you're great!!!!

[Charmie]

let us know how you get on christian.we will be waiting to hear you reply.you sound enthusiastic and willing.i hope i will always be enthusiastic about this programme,its a marvelous way to live.

[christian1975]

hi there charmian..i am very enthusiastic..it is barely 530 am and i am already awake...(not getting uch s;eep mind you)..and will be going to my first aa meeting in over 4 yrs @ 7 am...i am mostly a "day off" bingerand todays my day off so i don't want to waste time...no time like the present!! Peace Christian

[Charmie]

ah christian,,i tried AA four years ago aswell,,wasnt my time.but this time has been so different! i wish you well.

[Goldstar]

.

[christian1975]

thank you to you again!!! had a great day today

[Firehazard]

awesome

[Charmie]

so hows things christian? have you been to another meeting? did you get phone numbers and have you got a big book???? lots of questions,,all pertinent though!