unmanageable?

[spiritualone]

we admittted that we were alcoholic and that are lives had become unmanageable.

Unmanageable?

My life was crazy, my life was destroyed, my life was tormented,
my life was over. My life was absolutely insane. Like they talk about in the second step.

I couldn't drink and i couldn't not drink. If i drank i was sick, if i didn't drink i was sick. I had stolen some of my uncles morphine
( he was dying from cancer ) it's pretty bad when you steal a dying mans drugs. I was so paranoid that there was a gap about an inch at the bottom of the front door. I use to identify people by their shoes. I pretty much was a shut in. I didn't even go to my families for thanksgiving or christmas. And the reason for that was because i was so ashamed of myself because i had beat the **** out of my daughter. That is the very worst thing i did when i was drinking. I just wanted to die.

Unmanageable???????

[freya]

Wow! That's a very open and honest first share...and very appropriately & powerfully Step One focused.

Welcome to SR -- I look forward to reading more from you!

freya

[Mark75]

How are you now?

Mark

[joshua1]

spiritualone,I hope you understand that it's that our lives are unmanageable and not AND our lives are unmanageable.One of the biggest mistakes for "meeting makers" is that they think their drinking caused the the unmanageable life.Youre life is a mess because you are in a spiritual blackout and drinking is youre solution not youre problem.

[CarolD]

joshua1....
Welcome to our SR recovery community

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by joshua1

spiritualone,I hope you understand that it's that our lives are unmanageable and not AND our lives are unmanageable.One of the biggest mistakes for "meeting makers" is that they think their drinking caused the the unmanageable life.Youre life is a mess because you are in a spiritual blackout and drinking is youre solution not youre problem.

For years I thought that the dash meant "Fill in the blank." I am powerless over alcohol AND that's why my life is unmanageable. It stands to reason that if that statement were true, all I would to do is put the plug in the jug, stop drinking, and get on with life. The problem would be solved. The First Step statement on page 30 says the delusion that I am like other people or presently may be has to be smashed. I'm not like other people when drinking, that is obvious, but the idea that I might be like the non-alcoholic presently, now, not drinking is what has to be smashed. The conventional "Stop drinking, modify your behavior, be responsible and pay your bills, go to a few meetings, and be a nice person" approach doesn't work. The problem goes deeper.

Take a look at page 52. Those human problems. Try managing those problems sober.

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition

[Stereosteveo]

Yeah

This is indeed how the unmanageability manifests itself.

p. 52
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people."

[basIam]

Originally Posted by Stereosteveo

Yeah

This is indeed how the unmanageability manifests itself.

p. 52
"We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people."

My sponsor had me read this (and now I do the same with my pledges) in the first person present-tense -

"I am having trouble with personal relationships, I can't control my emotional natures, I am a prey to misery and depression, I can't make a living, I have a feeling of uselessness, I am full of fear, I am unhappy, I cant seem to be of real help to other people."

I could barely get through it.

It dawned on me that when my parents would ask me "How are you doing" my response would be "what are you accusing me of?!?"

If my boss called me to his office for a consultation, by the time I walked 25 ft to his office, I had run through my mind every reason he may be firing me and would be prepared to submit my resignation.

I finally understood that my life was unmanageble.

And then my sponsor posed the question, "How much longer can you sit in that hell and not drink? How much longer will you feel that misery before you drink in spite of everything you know about yourself? How much longer can you continue to 'just don't drink'?"

I had no answer. I cried.

What? Was I going to wake up tomorrow and snap my fingers, "Today I choose not to be full of fear! Today I choose to mange my relationships in a healthy manner!" Hah! Yeah right. I didn't have the power to change this feeling inside me. If I did, I would have done it years before.

I finally understood powerlessness. After 10 years of giving lip service to the first step, I got it. I finally knew my most sincere desire to stay stopped would give way to a need for momentary relief. I understood, finally, I was doomed to repeat my endless spiral down.

Only then did he present me with the solution. And I grabbed on and haven't let go.

And everything I was promised has come true.