Step One

[ClayTheScribe]

I've decided I'm going to give AA a try, even though I'm an atheist. So, I'm on Step One. I can recognize that I'm powerless when it comes to alcohol and that it was making my life unmanageable (at least unmanageable enough to want to quit drinking). What's my next step? Do I need to find a sponsor (I've only been to one AA meeting) or can I do this step on my own? If the latter, are there exercises or questions I need to be asking myself? I posted this over in the Secular 12-step board, but I'm looking for a range of opinions as I'm new to this. I'm not yet going to try to tackle the God equation yet, just step 1. And I'm 14 days sober.

Also, somewhat unrelated, what does Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, etc. mean? I take it by its use here it does not refer to an actual day's time, but something else.

Thanks,

Clayton

[jimhere]

A sponsor would be a good thing.

Tell you what, send me a private message. I can give you some things to consider in what to look for in a sponsor.

Day 1 means day 1, day 2 means day 2, and so forth.

[nelco]

Day 1 is just day 1 without a drink and so on.

Clay I think it would be a great idea for you to go to many more meetings, and try and get to step meetings also. There is a book called the 12 steps and 12 traditions which explains the steps but its a good idea to get a sponsor and take it one step at a time. You have already admitted you are powerless but sometimes it takes a little more work to accept that at gut level. Its a simple programme, but some of us complicate it. Best wishes to you on your journey.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by nelco

Day 1 is just day 1 without a drink and so on.

Clay I think it would be a great idea for you to go to many more meetings, and try and get to step meetings also. There is a book called the 12 steps and 12 traditions which explains the steps but its a good idea to get a sponsor and take it one step at a time. You have already admitted you are powerless but sometimes it takes a little more work to accept that at gut level. Its a simple programme, but some of us complicate it. Best wishes to you on your journey.

What's the difference between regular meetings and step meetings and how do I find those?

[AW2486]

Try to have an open mind to new idea's

[Sugah]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

What's the difference between regular meetings and step meetings and how do I find those?

If you have a meeting list for your area, there should be a key to the abbreviations you'll often see for individual meetings (such as "SS" for "step study" or "12/12" for a meeting that studies the 12 steps and the 12 traditions, or "BB" for Big Book study).

As to taking the first step...I believe I took it before I ever entered the rooms this last time. I had no illusions left about my own powerlessness. In regards to step one, part two ("that our lives had become unmanageable"), I didn't fully get that until I tried to manage my life without booze and other substances. Sure, it was unmanageable when I drank, but it had also become unmanageable when I was no longer drinking. Thankfully, the other eleven steps held the solution to that particular problem.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[nelco]

Originally Posted by ClayTheScribe

What's the difference between regular meetings and step meetings and how do I find those?

when you go to a meeting you can ask someone there for an AA directory and in it you will find...where the meeting are on, what time and the type of meeting. you can then go to many meetings in different places.

Some meetings have a speaker share his experience with alcohol and about how he/she got into AA and what his life is like today. Some meetings share on steps. The next meeting you go to someone would be glad to explain the way they run their meetings.

[Cubile75]

Get a schedule of meetings in your area, or check online... There are codes that indicate if it is a step meeting (ST), discussion (D), etc....

It's good you are reaching out... Step One is enormously important. Simple, but not easy. Acceptance is the key... If you are like me, you may find yourself working and reworking step one...

A sponsor is a good thing. You don't have to do this alone.

Mark

[McGowdog]

Good to see you're going to give A.A. a try. I didn't go to too many meetings up on the north end of town as I did most of my drinking up there (Twin Towers, Junques, Cheri's Pub, Hilltop, etc.) and not so much recovery up there. Vitality comes to mind (near 73rd or 4th and Hooker or Irving?

Washington House may have a good treatment center meeting you might want to check out. There was another treatment center place by my first Denver Metro residence, Carriage Hills apts on 88th and Huron. This place was on like 88th and Pecos.

Clay, if I were you I would get that meeting list like everybody has suggested and check it out. Go to a bunch of meetings in your area and I hope you'll see that they all have a vastly different flavor; some meetings are going to be hardliner (to the book), some are going to be small and intimate, some are going to be perhaps general to all recoveries and somewhat loose.

I know you're at a place where to want to get and stay sober, but you are not going to claim that you're the "last house on the block" level 4 alcoholic. That doesn't matter here. You have a right to get and stay sober, just like everybody else. Some people rely heavily on their meetings. You'll come across people who do a meeting a day. You'll also come across people who like to tell you that you need a meeting a day. I go to a meeting or 2 a week. But I get a lot our of that 1 or 2 meeting.

You don't need a sponsor to tell you to get that book out and start reading it. It all starts there as far as I'm concerned. The A.A. Program (not the fellowship so much) has become a way of life for me. For me, that purpose is going to be vastly different for you. But then again... as Rob would say... are we really so different?

You're going to hear a lot of opinions. You're going to go to some meetings you may not like. I only hope that you keep trying a few meetings.

As far as this 1st Step goes, I would ask you to consider two simple things for now and leave all this "powerless" talk aside for a bit.

• How are you at controlling the amount of booze you ingest once you've started? Oh, and look back to a time when you had a good drunk going and see if there was a time when you were abruptly separated from booze... aka ran out or something. How did that feel?

• Secondly, have you ever gone on the wagon or quit drinking for any reason? How did that go? Was it easy for you to get and stay sober? What came to your mind when you decided to try to control and enjoy your drinking again? Think of some times where you tried to control your drinking once you started. How did that go?

Some people are going to think it's their job to label you an alcoholic or not. I think you can tell them to keep their advice. Tell them you are there to find that out for yourself.

Have fun.

PS: I found a guy who told me he'd be my sponsor and has denied it ever since. That's not entirely true. I did a set of steps so fast, that I was sponsor-free in almost a month's time. I'm sponsor free now... much to many others' chagrin.

[Rob B]

I like the open mind I see, best part of a question is being in the middle of it, use the path of consideration as you check out meetings and start reading the literature. Use your personal experience to see where you are. You'll get some good support here if you are interested, I'll echo what Jim said, If I can be of help PM me.

One last thought, do you meditate? can you sit and be still, no mental noise, no tension, focused on breath and the present moment. Try it, see what comes up for you.

[dgillz]

Assuming Thornton is in the Denver area, here is a great resource:

Denver Area AA Meetings

Also there are atheist/agnostic meetings, not sure about your area but they are out there. As other people said just have an open mind and don't let 2 minutes worth of the word "god" or the lords prayer get in the way of your sobriety.

One of the members of my home group recently celebrated his 7th year of sobriety and he is an atheist. All are welcome in AA but you are sure to run into religious bigots too, just don't let them f*** with your sobriety.

Good luck and keep posting.

[McGowdog]

Yeah, Vitality... District 32... like I said. I don't need no stinking meeting list!

Used to be a cool meeting in Commerce City; Puttin' Sober. Sort of a biker meeting. Little Red House? Somewhere up in eastern Northglen... perhaps?

Can you get to some meetings downtown too? York Street, Thursday night at 8:30 pm is a gr8 meeting, as is Sunday morning 11:00. Happy Way, 4 Horseman...

Add: Oh yeah! That's district 9 or Northeast Denver which includes LRH and others.

[tommyk]

There is a lot I hate about AA meetings.

And there is a lot I hate about life.

But learning how to accept what I hate in AA... really helps me to accept what I hate in life.

We each need to learn that perfection will not be encountered in AA, or in life.

For me - I basically had to shut my sissy whining trap about what I hated in AA, and just go to meetings. ALL of the meetings, especially the ones I didn't 'like'. Maybe just to prove to myself that I wasn't a complete puss. Maybe to convince myself that I could adapt to situations I didn't like without hiding in a bottle like a coward... I was a coward... I wanted everything that I 'liked'. I go to about 10 meetings a week now, and I run 5 miles a day many times each week... not necessarily because I 'like' either... but I LOVE recovery.

[CarolD]

Clay....
Here is a link with info on Agnostic AA.
They have the 12 Steps listed

Agnostic A.A. Meetings in New York City

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by CarolD

Clay....
Here is a link with info on Agnostic AA.
They have the 12 Steps listed

Agnostic A.A. Meetings in New York City

Thanks for the link but they don't have any such meetings in my state.

[Pilgrim]

Hi Clay

More than half the original 100 alcoholics who wrote the Big Book were athiests or agnostics. There is a whole chapter in the Big Book just for you. In the meantime, all you need is honesty (lots of it), an open mind and willingness. The only thing that could defeat you in aa is a closed mind. One of my favourite BB qutoes in one of the appendices called "Spiritual Experience":

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Herbert Spencer

I was athiest too but when I did the steps and looked inside myself, something changed in me. When I see one of the people I helped helping others, I experience spiritual growth. It's so cool and something you just don't want to miss!!

Anyway - directions are in the Big Book. The 12 by 12 (Steps and Traditions) is a series of essays written by Bill W (one of AAs founders) and after he wrote it, he pointed out that the Big Book was still the only place we can find specific directions on how to recover.

Try to find a Primary Purpose Group who use the book as their guide and believe in strong sponsorship. Here is a link. Big Book Study Groups

Step one is simple. When you take a drink, do you relate to the phenomenon of craving? Your sponsor will go through the Doctor's Opinion and More about alcoholism chapters. The unmanageability is that we cannot manage our decision not to take another drink. We are powerless when we start drinking due to our allergy and we can't manage our decision not to start again due to our mental obsession.

Great news by the way.

Steph

[CarolD]

Clay...
I linked to that to show you how they worked the 12 Steps.
Perhaps you would find it of interest. Just a thought.

Best wishes

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Pilgrim

Hi Clay

More than half the original 100 alcoholics who wrote the Big Book were athiests or agnostics. There is a whole chapter in the Big Book just for you. In the meantime, all you need is honesty (lots of it), an open mind and willingness. The only thing that could defeat you in aa is a closed mind. One of my favourite BB qutoes in one of the appendices called "Spiritual Experience":

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” Herbert Spencer

I was athiest too but when I did the steps and looked inside myself, something changed in me. When I see one of the people I helped helping others, I experience spiritual growth. It's so cool and something you just don't want to miss!!

I wouldn't say I have a closed mind, but a very skeptical one to anything that resembles a religion or a cult, which AA does look like to me. I'm am atheist and I plan to stay that way. I used to believe in God, strongly, and there's a reason I don't anymore. Not looking to be converted, which is one of the things that worries me about getting too deep into the steps.

Anyway - directions are in the Big Book. The 12 by 12 (Steps and Traditions) is a series of essays written by Bill W (one of AAs founders) and after he wrote it, he pointed out that the Big Book was still the only place we can find specific directions on how to recover.

Try to find a Primary Purpose Group who use the book as their guide and believe in strong sponsorship. Here is a link. Big Book Study Groups

I'll look out for these groups, but for now I'm more comfortable going to the Young Peoples meetings so I can relate to other people my age and not older people who are going to laugh at me for my lack of experience with alcoholism. Not ready to get into the Big Book either.

Step one is simple. When you take a drink, do you relate to the phenomenon of craving?

Before I drink I have a strong urge to drink and get drunk. After one drink, the craving becomes stronger. That is why I realized I was powerless over alcohol. That's why I realized I couldn't even go out with friends and have a few drinks because I would want more to get me drunk and would get depressed if I couldn't have anymore.

Your sponsor will go through the Doctor's Opinion and More about alcoholism chapters. The unmanageability is that we cannot manage our decision not to take another drink. We are powerless when we start drinking due to our allergy and we can't manage our decision not to start again due to our mental obsession.

Great news by the way.

I'll ask my sponsor if I can find one. Someone suggested I find a temporary fo now? I'm going back to the AA meeting I went to on Friday, though I'm going to keep looking for smaller ones because theirs was so large and intimidating. 15 days sober.

[sugErspun]

A temporary sponsor is a good idea if it makes you feel more comfortable with this whole thing. All in all ~ every sponsor is 'temporary' and should only lead you through the steps.

The big book is AA (fellowships name was taken from the title of it's Book - you can read that in the book itself). Some call it the BS sifter, and I think that is an accurate description and good to know in any case. You will get a lot of opinion on what AA is and what it isn't, I always go back to the book to see if something I hear is really "AA".

You are absolutely right to be skeptical about the "God" idea, there is a time and a place for everything...step 1 is not about God or Spiritual experience or anything of the sort. I can tell you up and down that AA is not religion, or a cult ~ but it is best to find out for yourself. Just remember when the time comes for consideration on these lines that god only has to do with "your understanding". My conception and anothers may be world's apart ~ what it really comes down to is surrendering to the fact that I have alcoholism and can't fix it...and tapping a power that is so simple it cannot be put into proper words ~ this power can relieve one's alcoholism. No one in AA is going to tell you what god is or isn't, no one (hopefully - and when this thing is being done right), will even try to convince you what to believe. The whole program is based on facts...it took me a long time to understand that.

Step 1 - you state that the urge to drink more once you have had a little occurs. This is not 'normal'...most people who drink alcohol don't experience this craving. (Craving, by AA definition, only occurs once alcohol is introduced to body of the alcoholic - the alcohol craves more alcohol and there is no way to "think" oneself out of it...

That is 1/2 of Step 1. The other being: "I cannot stay away from that first drink"...off goes the vicious circle of active alcoholism...when I drink I want more, and when I am sober, no matter what ~ I will drink at some point. Attempts at keeping myself sober have failed, over and again.

Unmanageable? This can be a bit of an involved topic, for someone in your shoes I would ask; "Is drinking causing problems in your life?" If it wasn't ~ there really wouldn't be a desire to quit (right?).

All the best ~ feel free to PM me (if PM's are working)..or question anything about this process. I don't see any reason you cannot recover from alcoholism, if you are alcoholic.

~a

[Pilgrim]

Hi Scribe.

Rest assured - you are well on your way with that open mind of yours. I am not even slightly religious but I still recovered.

When I first did the steps I did them fast. I was desperate because every time I drank I nearly died. I was teachable and willing to do anything I was told. The pain I was in physcially and metally was intense. I chose a sponsor who had what I wanted (not talking about stuff like cars and jobs here - more what was inside). I also had a desperate desire to stop for good and all with no lurking notion that I could have a drink one day and get away with it. I am told that those things are necessary and that half measures do nothing.

[dgillz]

Clay,

Don't worry about someone at AA trying to "convert" or "save" you. In my 4 years of AA I have NEVER seen or heard of this happening. In fact if it did happen in my home group, the vast majority of the regulars would jump on the evangelist and tell them this in inappropriate.

Despite its Christian roots and rituals such as the Lords prayer, AA is NOT a Christian organization.

[Firehazard]

Hey, We write alot of lists in AA and traditionally with step one I have actually made a list of events with alcohol that brought me to the idea of my personal powerlessness. This was suggested by a sponsor and I've found that alot of people in AA have done the same. If I ever plan on taking/buying that drink all I have to do is look at it and hopefully say HELL NO. I kept it posted on my bathroom mirror.

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by sugErspun

A temporary sponsor is a good idea if it makes you feel more comfortable with this whole thing. All in all ~ every sponsor is 'temporary' and should only lead you through the steps.

The big book is AA (fellowships name was taken from the title of it's Book - you can read that in the book itself). Some call it the BS sifter, and I think that is an accurate description and good to know in any case. You will get a lot of opinion on what AA is and what it isn't, I always go back to the book to see if something I hear is really "AA".

You are absolutely right to be skeptical about the "God" idea, there is a time and a place for everything...step 1 is not about God or Spiritual experience or anything of the sort. I can tell you up and down that AA is not religion, or a cult ~ but it is best to find out for yourself. Just remember when the time comes for consideration on these lines that god only has to do with "your understanding". My conception and anothers may be world's apart ~ what it really comes down to is surrendering to the fact that I have alcoholism and can't fix it...and tapping a power that is so simple it cannot be put into proper words ~ this power can relieve one's alcoholism. No one in AA is going to tell you what god is or isn't, no one (hopefully - and when this thing is being done right), will even try to convince you what to believe. The whole program is based on facts...it took me a long time to understand that.

Thanks, I'll take that advice to heart.

Step 1 - you state that the urge to drink more once you have had a little occurs. This is not 'normal'...most people who drink alcohol don't experience this craving. (Craving, by AA definition, only occurs once alcohol is introduced to body of the alcoholic - the alcohol craves more alcohol and there is no way to "think" oneself out of it...

I know it's not normal. I was always trying to drink to get drunk, and when I could only have a few and not get drunk, I immediately felt depressed after stopping. When I got drunk, I just had to deal with that depression and anxiety the next day, assuming I went to bed drunk. That's why I saw my alcohol use was unmanageable no matter how much I drank, and realized that once I started, I was pretty much powerless to stop after 1 or 2.

That is 1/2 of Step 1. The other being: "I cannot stay away from that first drink"...off goes the vicious circle of active alcoholism...when I drink I want more, and when I am sober, no matter what ~ I will drink at some point. Attempts at keeping myself sober have failed, over and again.

I recognize I'm at risk to drink again, but what can I do beyond what else has been suggested here to keep sober now? I don't go to my AA meeting until Friday.

Unmanageable? This can be a bit of an involved topic, for someone in your shoes I would ask; "Is drinking causing problems in your life?" If it wasn't ~ there really wouldn't be a desire to quit (right?).

Yes it has caused problems in my life, namely in that it cuts down the efficacy of my meds and has made me physically hurt myself in the past. I can't honestly say it was making my life completely unmanageable, but it was making it so much less manageable that I knew I had to stop. It was the drinking that became unmanageable, even after admits to cut back and moderate. But I can't honestly say my life was completely unmanageable when I drank but unmanageable enough. Is that good enough or do I have to admit that it made my life completely unmanageable? Am I not understanding that word correctly?

All the best ~ feel free to PM me (if PM's are working)..or question anything about this process. I don't see any reason you cannot recover from alcoholism, if you are alcoholic.

~a

I believe I am an alcoholic, just maybe not as serious a case as others. But serious enough for me.

Thanks,
Clay

[ClayTheScribe]

Originally Posted by Firehazard

Hey, We write alot of lists in AA and traditionally with step one I have actually made a list of events with alcohol that brought me to the idea of my personal powerlessness. This was suggested by a sponsor and I've found that alot of people in AA have done the same. If I ever plan on taking/buying that drink all I have to do is look at it and hopefully say HELL NO. I kept it posted on my bathroom mirror.

Thanks! I'll try that. My only problem is that many of the times I drank, I also smoked pot and therefore my memories are hazy. I think I have enough memories of my drinking getting out of hand or making problems to fill a sheet. I'll do that later today, tonight I'm tired.

[Twinpairs]

Great to see you being active on here. My only advice is to work on the step you are on. Focus on step 1 while you are on 1. Step 2 when you are on 2. ect...

It has been said that the steps are like an adjustable wrench - they are made to fit any nut!

They worked for me.

Good luck and keep coming back.