??????????????

[candystripper]

Sometimes, I don't know were I stand! I'v been on and of drugs for yrs around the rooms 5 times. In and out of hospitals rehabs etc... Yah I can stay clean if I want too!! Or it seems that way!!

I struggle with even believing that im addicted. Because its so easy for me to get clean if i want too. The issue is staying clean. You see Ive had allot of stuff going on lately and you would think i would have picked up but actually i stopped using!!! honestly I feel comfortable with it.

I don't go to meetings They make me paranoid!!!!???? I know I have allot of character defects. I really don't think I can say that i'm powerless though because i'm choosing not to use and that's that, so how can i be powerless? I'm not using, not going to meetings, have no friends that use anymore and no money to even get any thing with. SO, I ask myself am I an addict, alcoholic and any other itc. you could add to the end of a word? So, back to my question what makes me powerless?

In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!

[Sugah]

Only you can decide, candy.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[CarolD]

Glad you are not using now.

hope you will continue to live clean and sober.

[collinsmi]

With alcohol, it never seemed like I was an alcoholic because I never drank against my will. It was something I always chose to do. Later, I saw that WAS the problem, I would always drink, no matter what.

[nickishine]

Candystripper,

One day at a time.... Take care and keep posting!

hugs,
Nicki

[tomvlll]

I struggled with those same concepts until I really studied the nature of the disease of alcholism until it finally became crystal clear

1) I can't stop drinking once I take a drink. I could never stop at one or two drinks. Oh maybe I cluld in my eralier drinking days , but since it's progressive, I never could at the end. That's the allergy of the body. I don't react react to alcohol the way norml people do.

2) I couldn't stop THINK about talking a drink. I couldn't stop drinking even though I really, REALLY wanted to stop. I went through this cycle daily, for years. Swearing off the drink in the morning , caving in by night. That's the obsession of the mind.


I'd cave in at night, take the first drink, the allergy would kick in, and I'd get drunk.
I'd feel lousy as hell the next day, and thought that alcohol would make me feel better and ....take the first drink , trigger the allergy....etc. etc. etc....

This is my definition of powerless over alcohol. Until this sunk in, I was unable to take the actions necessary to recover.

[BikeRider]

your description of the problem is so clearly what the problem is that we all face. at least most of us. i get loaded cause i'm bummed out, i get loaded cause i feel great, i get loaded ........ and every day it's the last time. i'll be loaded tonight. but i found this site today and i decided i might just make a real effort in the morning. we'll see.

[Em002]

Hi Bike, welcome! You might want to introduce yourself on the newcomer part of the site as you'll get more responses there, but welcome I have found this website very helpful the forums and chat rooms.

[sailorjohn]

Originally Posted by candystripper

So, back to my question what makes me powerless?

In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!

Don't know what makes you powerless, for me, and many others, it was the fact that once we started we could absolutely not guarantee the outcome. I gave away a lot to my addictions, the primary one was alcohol. The first step only requires a desire to stop. Maintaining sobriety requires a lot more. Good luck.

[CarolD]

BikeRider...Hi...

I saw your other shares that were lost on a thread so I
started you a thread/place of your own.

Here is the link...please click

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ello-help.html (Hello and Help)

Now more members will notice you
Good to see a new member.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by candystripper

Sometimes, I don't know were I stand! I'v been on and of drugs for yrs around the rooms 5 times. In and out of hospitals rehabs etc... Yah I can stay clean if I want too!! Or it seems that way!!

I struggle with even believing that im addicted. Because its so easy for me to get clean if i want too. The issue is staying clean. You see Ive had allot of stuff going on lately and you would think i would have picked up but actually i stopped using!!! honestly I feel comfortable with it.

I don't go to meetings They make me paranoid!!!!???? I know I have allot of character defects. I really don't think I can say that i'm powerless though because i'm choosing not to use and that's that, so how can i be powerless? I'm not using, not going to meetings, have no friends that use anymore and no money to even get any thing with. SO, I ask myself am I an addict, alcoholic and any other itc. you could add to the end of a word? So, back to my question what makes me powerless?

In the past i have gotten a few sponsors over the yrs yet never even came close to completing the first step with anything close to a dignified way!

There is no dignified way to complete the First Step. The First Step happens when it goes from my head to my heart "I can't drink and I can't quit and I don't know why or what is wrong with me and I need some help." That is usually a culmination of a process of just drinking until I can't anymore and all my ideas about everything don't make sense anymore.

The first question is are you alcoholic? You seem to be confused about that.

Do you understand alcoholism? What alcoholism is and what an alcoholic is?

I am an alcoholic. That means that I have a body that can't handle alcohol and a mind that always drinks. When I drink alcohol, a phenomenon called craving for more alcohol sets in and I can't control the amount I'm going to drink. And that takes me to all sorts of places I didn't plan on ending up in. There is trouble-trouble with the law, trouble with the boss, trouble with the wife. But the worst sort of trouble is the trouble on the inside. I felt like a loser and a failure. I couldn't understand why I drank the way I drank and why I drank with every good reason not to and for no reason at all.

You see, being powerless over alcohol means that I can't use my mind to stay away from drinking. I have no idea when the next drink will be. All the knowledge I have about myself as an alcoholic is useless. All the crap you hear about "thinking the drink through to end" is useless. All that stuff either doesn't show up or if it does, it is hazy and warped and pushed aside by the idea that this time it will be different.

Can you identify with what I've said? If so, you are probably alcoholic. Only you can decide, but you have to know what alcoholism is before you can do that.
Jim

[CAPTAINZING2000]

When, I think about not going to meetings , I'd be missing all my friends

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

When, I think about not going to meetings , I'd be missing all my friends

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