Today's step

[nandm]

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Today we open the door to a new and positive outlook on life. This "letting in" process expands our horizons and allows us to accept ourselves more fully.

For most of us it is painful to admit our powerlessness. It forces us to confront the fact that our lives are not working as we had hoped, and that in all probability, our own behavior is the cause.

Because each of us is the product of our past, we have been programmed into mind-sets and attitudes we've never thought to question.

We're like the young bride whose husband asked why she cut off the end piece of ham before she baked it. "Mother taught me to fix it this way," she replied. But, suddenly curious about it, she asked her mother why she made ham this way. "Because," replied her mother, "your granny did hers this way." More determined than ever to get to the bottom of the puzzle, the bride went to her grandmother to solve the mystery. "Well, child," said granny, "I did it because a whole ham wouldn't fit into my oven."

Just like that young bride and her mother, it rarely occurs to us to wonder why we do a thing. We're as conditioned by habit as Pavlov's dog---the bell rings and we perform.

The initial step, then, is for us to admit that it is soley up to us to discover why we have continued to behave in a way that brings up negative feelings and causes us great discomfort.

Today's Step: To admit that I am powerless is both a relief and a source of new hope.

Step By Step, Daily meditations for living the Twelve Steps, by Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Admission

"Are you part of the problem--or part of the solution?" anonymous

Did you ever wonder why--although we each have eyes, ears, noses, and mouths---we all look so distinctly different? Of course there are family resemblences, and occassionally we'll meet someone who "looks just like cousin Sally." But isn't it incredible that with the billions of people who inhabit this planet, barring identical twins, no two of us look exactly alike?

This is also true of our personalities, our thought processes, our likes and dislikes, and our beliefs and disbeliefs. We vacillate between wanting to conform and wanting to rebel. Often we view the world with suspicious eyes, feeling we have been treated unfairly. Many of us tend to look at life as a struggle against unreasonable odds.

But there's another way to look at things. We can alter our attitudes and begin to act positively and constructively. We can learn to see value in situations that appear negative, and attempt to come to terms with the world and all its imperfections. These are all worthwhile and attainable goals. But, to achieve them, we must first acknowledge our present dilemma.

It would be handy to have a blueprint for such an undertaking. But because each one of us is unique and special, we can only generalize about the process. We must each plot our own course to fit who we are.

Today's step: I can look past behavior and past programming with new eyes.

Step By Step, meditations for living the 12 Steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

uniquenss

"There never were, since the creation of the world, two cases exactly parallel." Lord Chesterfield

Whenever we are confronted with a challenge that involves letting go of our own opinions and being willing to follow a plan suggested by someone else, we immediately begin to see all the glitches, all the exceptions we're sure do not apply to us.

"My case is different!" we cry. It is so necessary for us to preserve our own uniqueness, our own specialness, that we're sure that letting go will plunge us into a sea of nothingness. Right? Wrong.

We are, all of us, unique. We have our own special sense of identity that has been with us since birth. Some of us have positive self-images. Others of us suffer from low self-esteem. However, we are still uniquely "us," and we're afraid of anything that might take that feeling of "us-ness" away.

This step, and those that follow, have been carefully designed to help us get to know the very important and precious individual we really are. This process scrapes away the facades and subterfuges we thought were necessary for our survival. It allows us to see ourselves as free, productive and worthwhile human beings; to see that while we are different, we also share many facets of sameness with other human beings. These similiarities allow us not only to profit by the experience of others, but also to recognize that so many of our actions have been the result of misguided ideas and faulty information. We can cherish our uniqueness while still learning from the experience of others.

Todays Step: I know that the path I have chosen is the right one for me, and I will walk it unafraid.[/QUOTE]Step By Step, meditations for living the 12 steps. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 4

What will they think of me?

"A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing." George Bernard Shaw

Many of us have been so brainwashed by worrying what people will think that we're willing to remain in a state of misery rather than admit we've been going about something the wrong way.

We're afraid of being found out, of showing bad judgement, of being percieved as inept. We are like the nearsighted girl who was invited to dinner by her boyfriend's parents. She mistook a bowl of heavily cinnamoned applesauce for brown gravy and ladled it on her mashed potatoes. "Do you like applesauce on you potatoes dear?" asked the boy's mother. "Oh, yes," she replied, "I always eat them this way," and then proceeded to finish every bite, afraid they would think she had made a mistake.

People who are late for appointments hate to admit that their own planning was to blame. So they use excuses, such as traffic problems, long-distance phone calls or minor emergencies to explain their tardiness.

Admission comes as a painful step for us because we feel shame and guilt for having been so far off course. It is, however, a liberating step. It opens the door to new possibilities and a much more comfortable existence.

At this point it's good to remember that, if our life isn't working for us, it isn't for lack of trying. It's simply that we haven't yet found the formula that makes it work.

Today's step: In admitting my mistakes, I find the freedom to grow.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 5

Changing Habits

"The horror of that moment," the King went on, "I shall never, never forget."
"You will, though," the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it." Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

The first Step establishes guidelines designed to open up our consciousness, to help us see ourselves more clearly, and to discover where we have missed the mark. It helps us gain deeper insight into the "why" of our attitudes.

Behavioral psychologists call this process "successive approximations." A.A. refers to it as the Twelve Steps The purpose of this process is to help us develop our desired responses by doing one do-able step at a time. For instance, when we want to change such behaviors as drinking alcoholically or using mind-altering chemicals, binging, purging or overeating, compulsive gambling or sexual addictions, we can start b tying the proverbial string around our finger.

By following this process, we can create new patterns that will focus our thought processes on our specific goal. For example, most of us have an established morning routine. We go to the bathroom, brush our teeth, comb our hari, and follow all the habitual practices that ready us for the day. But what if we cahnge the sequence of these acts? What if we brush our teeth before we shower, or shave on the left side first instead of the right? Breaking the routine reminds us that our goal is to create a lifestyle free from dependency.

Today's Step: I establish sound new habits, one day at a time.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 6

Acknowledging the Parent.

"There is no greater bugbear than a strong-willed relative in the circle of his own convictions." Nathaniel Hawthorne

Eric Berne, founder of transational analysis, theorized that our inner selves are three distinct and separate entitites who vie for control: the parent, the child, and the adult.

This may explain, in part, the confusion that we often feel arise within ourselves as we try to sort out our responses to a situation. Today, let's look at our parent self. How does this entity affect our ability to admit our problem?

Our inner parent is the part of us that was programmed by our own parents, our teachers, our ministers, our guardians, or our older siblings. The parent is the critical monitor of our behavior: it acts as taskmaster and guide. The parent burdens us with the tyranny of "shoulds," and it is constantly grading us in our performance, whether this involves work, play or accomplishments. Our inner parent, conditioned by early programming, tries to lead us along the straight and narrow. It continually cautions us against nonconformity.

It is important that we see both the strengths and the weaknesses of our inner parent, for the information stored in that entity is designed to help us plot our journey through life. Although it truly intends to protect us, too often our inner parent controls us in a manner that leads to rigid, stuck behavior.

As we become more familiar with our parent entity, we can readily see its influence on our actions. We begin to realize that we have often restricted ourselves when it was neither necessary nor comfortable to do so.

Today's Step: I release the "shoulds" and judgments of my inner critic."

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

Although I am not someone who has found the inner child theory useful in my life I believe in keeping an open mind. Releasing the "shoulds" and judgments of my inner critic is something that I struggled with over the years. I have found that my life has much more serenity in it when I let go of my judgments and "have to's" and just live life. I hope you will find something useful in the above quote. If not please take what you can use and leave the rest. I did.

[nandm]

Day 7

Acknowledging the inner child

"Mother, may I go out to swim?"
"Yes, my darling daughter."
"Hang your clothes on a hickory limb, but don't go near the water." Old nursery rhyme

Since Birth, our child entity has recorded all our feelings, emotions, deprivatios, misunderstanding, hurts and sorrows as well as all our pleasures. Our inner child is the adventurer, the explorer, the mischief maker. It is inventive. It can also be stubborn and disobedient. The child rebels at the tyranny of the shoulds; it wants what it wants when it wants it. Instant gratification is its demand. Long-term goals are anathema to this aspect of ourselves.

For many of us, our inner child has long been silenced. From infancy to adulthood, our programming has been one of stifling conformity; of being forced to behave within the prescribed patterns of our families and our communities.

How often have others told us how we feel. "You don't want to play with that nasty little boy." "You're sorry that you hit your sister." "You always feel better after you take your medicine." In reality, we did want to play with that boy. He was fun! We were not a bit sorry we hit our sister. We would have liked to push her over a cliff. And we hated the medicine. We thought it was yucky, and it made us feel worse than ever.

Now we can recognize that child entity as one to be nurtured, and---within limits---to be granted fulfillment of many of its pleasures.

Today's Step: I cherish the beloved child within.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

Although I do not utilize the inner child concept myself, I was able to find some similarities within this passage. I hope you are able to gain something from it to. If you do not agree with the inner child concept then please take what you can use and leave the rest. Thanks.

[savoy]

Step 1 was an event of sorts, its something that happened to me rather than something I took, I was crushed by life and self.
I had to concede or die.

[nandm]

Day 8

Acknowledge the Adult

"We are half-ruined by conformity, but we should be totally ruined without it." Charles Dudley Warner

Our adult self is very like the character of Mr. Spock, the alien crew member in "Star Trek." The adult is logical, dispassionate, fair, reasonable, and intelligent. He or she does not react emotionally, and can see the sense in the point of view of both our inner parent and child. When conflict arises between the two, the adult attempts to restore order out of chaos. It's as if there were a committee arguing in our heads, churning our emotions into a frenzy.

When communication can be established from child to adult, and from parent to adult, it is possible for the adult to weigh the evidence and translate to each entity the other's point of view. It is at this point that the adult is able to point out viable alternatives.

In other words, our inner conflict, the inability to make comfortable decisions, and our feelings of confusion are somewhat dispelled by our adult voice of reason. It's as if our child is saying, "I want to go to the beach," and our parent fumes, "You can't go. You have to do your homework." The adult says, "Why not go to the beach after your homework is done?"

The child says, "I think I'd like to study law." The parent says, "Better not. It's too tough." The adult says, "What have you got to lose? It might work. If not, you can always try something else."

Today's Step: I connect with the dispassionate part of my being and embrace my inner adult.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink.

Disclaimer: Although I personally do not do inner child work, I have heard others speak of having wonderful results from it. Even if you are like me I hope you are able to take what you can use from this and leave the rest.

[nandm]

Day 9

Relinquishing Old Ideas

"If at first you don't succeed, chances are you just don't understand the situation." Anonymous.

Suppose you suddenly found yourself transported to an alien land. One where you not only couldn't speak the language of the natives, but where you also were totally unfamiliar with their customs. You'd be hard-pressed to explain your needs. And you'd be fearful that they might interpret some of your actions as hostile. That could create unpleasant consequences.

It's much the same with our recognition and consequent confusion about the fact that we're "out of sync" with the world we live in. We're like the blind men and the elephant: Our impression of the shape of things doesn't give with what others perceive. And yet, there is truth and validity in all our perceptions.

This is what makes it doubly hard for us to relinquish our own point of view. We see its validity and cling stubbornly to our position when, clearly, it is not working for us. There is an example in the Big Book of a man who persisted in skipping out in front of fast-moving vehicles. First, he had a series of minor accidents. But these were followed by more serious accidents until, finally, he broke both legs. He persisted in this self-defeating behavior the way many of us persist in our determination that, "This time it will be different." So long as we cling to these old ideas, we remain powerless.

Today's Step: I readily release ideas that no longer work for me.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink

[nandm]

Day 10

Sabotage: How to do it

"Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling." Margaret Lee Runbeck

Despite our admission of personal powerlessness, as we work Step One, many of us continue to rebel at the fact that we are unable to effect recovery by our own efforts. We see meetings as unneccessary. We have no intention of affilitiating ourselves with a group, and we generally balk at being told what we have to do.

This is when we come face-to-face with the fact that what we do have is the power to continue to make ourselves miserable. And here's the way we do it:
* Seeing ourselves as victims of outrageous fortune.
* Feeling we've fallen prey to Murphy's law: "If anything can possibly go wrong---it will."
* Doing unto others before they do unto us, because we know they're out to get us.
* Denying that any power could be greater than ourselves.
* Living for ourselves alone, because no one else is interested in our well-bding.
* Keeping a distance between ourselves and others so they won't find our vulnerable points.
* Taking an inventory of the failings of others, and pointing out their deficiencies to them.
* Refusing help to people, because if we "give them an inch, they'll take a mile."
* Dwelling on the inequities that bestow money and power on those far less deserving than we.
* Feeling sorry for ourselves.

Today's Step: I face my current situation squarely and without blame.

Step by Step. Muriel Zink