Step 1

[CarolD]

It was difficult for me to see where my life had
become unmanageable.
I still had all the outside trimmings.
Not until I faced my alcoholic depression
was I able to accept my mental quirks as a sign.

Powerless over alcohol? No doubts there.
I had been for 5 or so years.
I used to say "I put the fun in Functioning alcoholic"
How damn pathetic!

Thanks for letting me share ...

[Kimmyluv]

That's true

[SelfSeeking]

I officially started step work today!

Lol, I told my sponsor I really thought I had already done 1, 2 and 3 because I admitted out loud, at meetings and in conversations, that I was powerless over alcohol and my life is an unmanaged disaster. I had told bits of my story to people I met at meetings and am looking for help in the AA program, with the "Group o' Drunks" HP- so there's 2 and 3. So on to step 4!

Smart lady, she told me to do step 1 on paper and then had me read it to her. It was shockingly hard to write my story down like that, all these examples of my powerlessness and how cr@palicious my life has become. But then reading it to her! Oh I bawled like a baby. Again, smart lady, she had already pulled Kleenex out of her purse and was ready for me, even though I had no clue I was going to cry until, well, I was. So I read the whole thing and cried and then... whoa. A weight lifted from my body that I didn't know I was carrying.

A question I didn't know I still had was answered. I qualify. No doubt. I earned my seat. I belong in those rooms. I need help. There's knowing it and then knowing it, I guess. Seeing it there on the page in black and white, 100% honest and true, there's no way around it.

This day was powerful for me. I never thought I would be doing this kind of work on myself. I remember joining SR and being positive I'd never post in a step-work forum. I didn't want to hide it only in the secular 12 step forum, either. Secular, nonsecular, politics, that junk does not matter at the core of what we're trying to do.

[lizw]

For me, my life had been unmageable for along time but I never considered that was because of me. I.e. my drinking

I just thought if people were a bit kinder to me and gave me a bit of a break then I would be okay. It was your fault I was the way I was.

After a year in AA, I become obsessed with drinking and drunk half a bottle of wine in a park at 11am with my 3 year old daughter.

The idea then seemed rather logical that maybe I was powerless and I couldn't control my drinking, as that really wasn't what I had wanted to be doing.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Hi Self,

The writing! Absolutely makes its point when you write it down! So hard to do at times but well worth the effort right?

For me, I found that once I wrote those things down, well, I didn't have to carry it with me anymore. There it is..ok, move on.

So happy for you that you are on this journey! There is peace at the other end!

Karen

[Celebration1994]

Here is a step study talk that a friend of my sisters sent me to share on step one..being powerless over alcohol-I hope you enjoy

Step 1 – “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.” Underlying principle: Honesty


The Flower Bed

An old man writes to his son in prison and tells him—“Son, I miss you so much. I wish you were here. And I especially wish you here now that it’s spring because the flower bed is a mess and I know you’d help me with it if you were here.” The son sends a letter back: “Dear Dad, I received your letter. Please! Don’t dig up the flower bed! That’s where I hid the body.” About 4:00 a.m. a few days later the FBI is pounding at the door with a search warrant. They proceeded to dig for a good long time but they still couldn’t find the body so they apologized to the old man and left. The old man wrote to his son and told him about the FBI coming and that they didn’t find anything. The son wrote back, “Dear Dad, that’s the least I could do for you under the circumstances.”


God will do the same thing in your life in your circumstances if you are consistent. Here at the (tc name deleted) we believe that one way to have that happen is by working the steps. Some people say you only have to work the steps once and you’ve got them and some say you have to work them every day for the rest of your life. “For the rest of my life” was too much for me. I couldn’t get my hands around don’t drink for the rest of my life, let alone work these steps every day for the rest of my life. A never-ending task without closure was too much for me to take in.


Here at the (tc name deleted) we work the step to gain the principle. Every step has a corresponding principle and the goal is to work the steps to gain the principle. The principles are our guides and as we apply them, they begin to blossom in our lives.


Principles

We wound up addicted because we didn’t get the principles when we were young. Eventually, I learned the principles because I was tired of being broken. I violated all the principles when I was drinking and I didn’t even know it. When it comes to breaking a rule, the rule gets broken and you face the consequences. But when it comes to violating a principle, the principle doesn’t break, you do. It destroys your life.


I thought I had to be responsible for and be affected only by what I knew. But principles are the same whether you are aware of them or not, whether you believe in God or not. Work the steps to gain the principles and you have a bank of principles to draw from every day.


Last week we studied the 12th Step—“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these PRINCIPLES in all our affairs.” Early on, I asked “What principles?” I was told to read the Big Book but I didn’t want to. Eventually I had to because I needed to get them into my life.


Step 1 – powerless over ____ allows you to fill in the blank with whatever it is that you are powerless over and what has your life be unmanageable. It can be external to your life (person, place or thing) or internal (addictions to alcohol, food, drugs, gambling, or obsessive thinking of any kind).


Before you can even get to Step 1, there are a couple of things necessary, which are covered in Chapter 5 of the BB. How it Works begins, “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover . . . “ This is a program about recovery—it is a program about getting well. There are two prerequisites involved.

1. “. . .you have decided you want what we have and

2. are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps.”


Before we even begin, we must come to an understanding of “constitutionally incapable of being honest.” Typically this is a phrase associated with psychopaths or those who cannot comprehend the difference between right and wrong or good and bad. But we can apply it to ourselves at this early stage of recovery. If you can understand that phrase, the capacity for honesty is in you. We were incapable of being honest because we didn’t understand what honesty was. We were born that way. We were born perfect but we weren’t necessarily born good. We weren’t born knowing how to use the toilet or how to talk. We had to be taught. Nobody has to teach a two-year old how to grab a toy from another child and say, “Gimme that; it’s mine.” We don’t set out to teach a child how to lie. Everybody is born with a bend toward the wrong thing. We have to learn to do the right stuff and refrain from the wrong stuff.


When I was little I never learned the principle of honesty. I was too busy paying attention to other things, like the raging fight that was going on between my parents. I was too busy making sure I didn’t get in the middle of it. I was too distracted to be thinking about self esteem and a posture of spirituality and coming from a position of hope. Even though I grew up in the south and in church where there was prayer I wasn’t learning about principles to guide my life because I was busy praying, “Please God don’t let the fight be about me tonight.” And I made sure I ate fast enough that I wasn’t the last kid sitting there at the table because if you were, you knew you were going to hear the whole mess.


Growing up without principles is a dangerous thing because you don’t grow up. You remain infantile in the way you perceive life. Your body grows up but not your emotions.


Then when I discovered girls, I got involved and because I had no ability to develop a normal relationship with another human being, I got hurt immediately. I had to lie to survive. I worked on dishonesty and built my life around fabrication. I had to keep the reputation I put out there, designed to keep other people away, in place. I began to live in that fantasy world I created. I got more dishonest, creating more elaborate lies—layer upon layer. The lies I told on Tuesday and Wednesday were to cover and prove the truth in the lies I told on Monday and they were all building up to the lies I was planning for Friday. I didn’t get into relationships; I took hostages. All this to cover my tracks so I could do what I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to and as often as I could. I lied and drank. I told lies on all levels.


Constitutionally incapable - The US Constitution is the expression of what we believe; it represents our concepts and philosophies regarding the internal workings of our democracy. The same is true of us as individuals--deep down inside of us is all the stuff we are written down. And it’s been shaped in such a way that it doesn’t allow for honesty. If there’s a problem with the Constitution, we amend it. If there’s something wrong with your constitution, then amend it. Change what you believe on the inside. I am not defined by what I feel. I am defined by what I believe. I believe that what I believe makes me who I am. If you believe everybody is out to get you, you will be a liar and a manipulator. If you don’t trust people, you’re not to be trusted either. You need to amend that to shape your life to what you want to become. If you want your life to move in the right direction, amend your thinking and beliefs.


How it Works continues with “. . . incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty.” Rigorous honesty is not passive—it’s so bright, it’s glaring honesty. It is honesty in friendships with people and honesty when there’s nobody else around. You get honest with God.


When I was drinking, I used to throw my empty beer bottles out the window of my truck. But when I got sober and began to get honesty deep down inside, I had to watch what I did and I couldn’t litter anymore. It felt bad. I learned to be honest by being a buddy to my conscience. And when I did that, I wasn’t stressed out all the time with a cluttered conscience. It didn’t have anything to do with you because my dishonesty didn’t have anything to do with you. It was an inside job.


If you don’t get honest now, you carry dishonesty into your program and into the experience, strength and hope you speak. When I was first in the program, I started exaggerating my story. I wanted you to think I was wilder than you. Then someone told me my story was bad enough; I didn’t need to add to it. Until we get honest, we carry that dishonesty into our relationship with our sponsor so our sponsor will think we’re doing good and acting spiritual. If you’re lying, it will stunt your growth. We must break the back of dishonesty or by the time we get to Step 11, we’re lying to God. It’s a habit.


The first cousin to dishonesty, what gives dishonesty strength, what is welded to it, is self centeredness. We’re selfish beyond belief. And it’s all about the disease—the quick fix. With dishonesty and self centeredness coupled up, you’re in a bad spot. By the time you get to Step 11, if the selfishness is there, it’ll be in your prayers, it will have you. That’s the trap that will keep you doomed to relapse. You will run that cycle over and over.


Here are some examples of what being honest means.


1. I will not cheat—not at golf, not on my taxes

2. I won’t lie

There are several kinds of lies:

(a) outright lies – you knew it was a lie before you opened your mouth; “it’s none of your business” is also an example

(b) partial truth – you withhold crucial information

(c) enhanced truth – you told the truth but then added information

(d) shaded truth – situational shading to improve your position depending on the audience/judge to make you look good

(e) purity of truth – is a love of truth and it’s bigger than you are.


Powerlessness over dishonesty is part of the addiction baggage. We have solved the drink problem but I had to get honest and have the courage to tell the truth about what I did to break the cycle. I had to access the truth external to me and get it on the inside of me. Once I got it on the inside, the dishonesty stopped.


Step 1 in AA is about being honest about drinking and that’s why we say Step 1 is the only step you have to do perfectly. But you have to get perfectly honest if you want to stay sober.


AA is the collective voice of reason. An AA meeting is the only place that challenges my addictive thinking. A church doesn’t; a funeral parlor usually doesn’t. Do you have a reservation about your disease? If you do, you have a reservation at the bar. You can’t get honest by yourself. That’s the “we” in Step 1. When I go to that collective voice that says we’re alcoholic, that we’re powerless, I can interrupt that thinking that says that I can have one drink.

Remember the movie Old Yeller—the kid with the dog that had a disease that caused it to be a menace to people. The boy came to know that the dog had to die. But he loved the dog so much he knew he didn’t want anybody else to shoot it. He knew that he was going to have to do it but he was so conflicted. You could see him doing the dance of ambivalence, torn by two ideas.


It’s the same with us. I was torn by the dance of ambivalence. I knew I didn’t want to die crazy but I loved alcohol. It was the only thing I loved. I loved the smell, the bars, the fights, the rush of stealing people’s money. I lived in a fantasy world and drink kept me there. Then it stopped working for me and I had to kill it or it would kill me. I had to crush the idea that I could ever drink like other people.



If we are to live we must end our dance of ambivalence about alcohol.

[keeponrelapsing]

Hi, newy here, Terry that was amazing, thank you so much, I really got that and feel it's going to help. I dont want to go to aa as that'd mean I could never ever drink again and I dont feel thats neccessary. I drink about 4 bottles of wine a week, cant seem to go 4 days without then haveing another bottle. (red). swear I'm going to sort myself out but soon as I feel better, feel it would be a nice treat to have a drink and relax! My partner drinks way too much and we have 4 children, not that they suffer, I'm a master of discuises and function very well hungover, it's myself and my mental state that suffer and the messy house etc. They miss out with daddy though, weekends are mostly in bed and hungover for him, while i'm at work, when they could be doing something fun instead. He's a loving father though, although my 12 year old is now making comments about his drinking and at a party recently, said ' why is my dad always the only one who gets really drunk?' I just dont know whether to go to a support group for families living with an alcoholic so I can know how to behave (which'll probably mean cutting right down myself) or go to aa and then maybe try to help him? any thoughts anyone? my uncle died from alcoholism and I think my mum is the classic 'functioning alcoholic' she drinks everysingle day. My partners parents are both alcoholics, nasty ones who ring up shouting abuse down the phone and falliing out all the time, I really want to get MY family (me, my partner and 4 lovely children) in a better place, but hopefully still being able to enjoy a drink at social times? welocme any feedback, thanks! X

[littlefish]

Terry: thank you for a fantastic post. Your post is the first thing I read this morning. I missed my AA meeting last night because I was dead tired and my feet were aching. I stayed home and put my feet up and felt kind of bad for missing my meeting. But reading your post makes me feel like I made up for that meeting.

You really hit the nail on the head about step one. For me, step one has been learning what the truth is about myself and learning the extent of how I've deluded myself about who I really am. It is also about learning how selfish I've been. I never thought I was a me-me-me person but I really have been, all my life. So many of my acts of kindness were just a show to impress others, just image building. Now I have to learn what a real selfless act of kindness is.

Step one was tough for me because I wanted to hold on to the myth that I can drink.
Before I started AA and started learning about alcoholism, I spent 3 decades holding on to the idea that I could find a method to control my drinking. I tried everything. Working evenings so I could stay out of the bars. Drinking only beer. Drinking only wine. Counting drinks. Rationing drinks. Locked liquor cabinet. Nothing worked. Whatever I tried, I would still find myself passed out in bed seeing double after week long binges. It ALWAYS ended up that way, sooner or later.

Step one is probably one reason why lots of alcoholics turn and walk away from AA because of it's finality: you can never drink again. That scared the hell out of me. The finality was hard to accept, I hate any kind of finality. I am a wishy-washy person by nature anyway, so accepting something so completely final, unreviseable, non-modifyable was a challenge.

Even after starting AA, I allowed the little thought to remain in my head that "maybe someday I can drink again". But that thought had to go, too. Me and alcohol don't work together.

But, in a way it was liberation. The finality of it freed me. Just saying "I don't want to drink anymore" wasn't enough. I had to realize that I simply can't drink.

[CarolD]

keeponrelapsing
Welcome to SR...

Sorry I missed your post and so..I;m late with my Hello
I do hope you will find your way.

Blessings to you and your family

[All About Love]

for myself working currently with my beautiful sponsor on step one,
its bout keeping it the now an all the now things im powerless over in the day.
she says its no damn race nikky to get thruogh the steps an this is a journey of a lifetime, savour it, cherish it an learn to work it actively in every erea of your life before delving into the past stuff.
so gratefull for this lady, my friend an clean sober example of 14years.
im off to another meeting noe
xoxoxox to all
keep coming back an dont give up before the miricle!

[DaveBB164]

If I find I cannot control the amount of alcohol I drink once I start drinking, then I am “POWERLESS” over alcohol. Being powerless over “people, places & things” is NOT the alcoholic’s problem. Alcohol is my “master” .

There is no such thing as “just a couple” of drinks. When an alcoholic starts drinking, they always drink too much but it is never enough.

If I am physically “POWERLESS” over alcohol once I have taken the first few drinks, then the solution is to not start drinking in the first place.

But if I am a REAL alcoholic, I will find that all but impossible to do. Without some alcohol in my blood stream, I am restless, irritable & discontented. my mind, and possibly the subconscious mind, vividly remembers the sense of ease and comfort that comes at once with taking a few drinks.

My mind cannot remember the misery and humiliation I suffered only a few days prior to needing that first couple of drinks. The result of which is that the REAL alcoholic will begin drinking one more time. And as Dr. Silkworth stated, “This is repeated over and over, and unless I can experience an entire psychic change there is little hope of my recovery.”

there lies the source of the UNMANAGEABILITY stated in Step One. The inability of the REAL alcoholic to manage his decision to never take another drink as long HE/SHE lives.

At the moment of that decision, I am adamant about never taking another drink, Where alcohol is concerned, I am absolutely through forever,

But the REAL alcoholic has an “ALCOHOLIC MIND” that will produce the “INSIDIOUS INSANITY” to take another drink in spite of the alcoholic’s determination to stay off the booze.

[Scranton1]

Brand new here today. And 1 day sober!!


No matter how many times I try to stop drinking, I can't!!! And then I read Step 1, and try to undertstand it, but for some reason, I just keep in my mind, that I'm NOT powerless, that I can just stop. But yet I don't. How and when will I get off this viciouos cycle??? I read that some persons have to hit 'rockbottom' before they will get help. Serious help.


I don't want to hit bottom. Although, I may be screaming towards it. I am so glad I came across this site. I intend to read and learn as much as I can form each of you.

God Bless.

[sugErspun]

Scranton
Have you ever drank more than you wanted to (ie - "I will only have 4 tonite") and end up getting drunk? - can you control the amount of liqour you drink once you hit that 'spot'?
Have you ever sworn off ( "I will NEVER drink again"), just to change your mind for some reason that seems a little silly in retrospect?

Can you control your drinking???

Experiencing step 1 is much more critical than understanding it....

[DaveBB164]

Originally Posted by Scranton1

Brand new here today. And 1 day sober!!


No matter how many times I try to stop drinking, I can't!!! And then I read Step 1, and try to undertstand it, but for some reason, I just keep in my mind, that I'm NOT powerless, that I can just stop. But yet I don't. How and when will I get off this viciouos cycle??? I read that some persons have to hit 'rockbottom' before they will get help. Serious help.


I don't want to hit bottom. Although, I may be screaming towards it. I am so glad I came across this site. I intend to read and learn as much as I can form each of you.

God Bless.

its the lurking notion that you will one day beat the game that you may be able to drink like other people at some point that has to be smashed Scranton,

look back in your own experience and ask yourself honestly when you ever had the upper hand over alcohol, when did you ever get away with just a couple.

if I can help you in any way PM me

[CarolD]

Scranton1....
Welcome to our recovery community

My bottom was much more of a mental
than losing material things.
Depression is why I began AA recovey.

Glad to see you here with us