Coping with Controlling People

[historyteach]

What About the Boss?, Part III
By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski
Gratefully taken from http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |

If bosses realized that their control can be counterproductive, perhaps they might relinquish some control. Employees who have some leeway and flexibility are generally happier at work, and their attitude can increase productivity. Studies have demonstrated that employees who are not dominated by a controlling superior have a lesser incidence of coronary heart disease. This alone can make them more valuable over the long run.

However, do not bank on the boss realizing this.

What can you do to keep both your job and your sanity? Let's begin with empathy. Suppose you were the boss, how different would you be? Don't forget, the buck stops at his desk. He is ultimately responsible for everything that his subordinates do. That generates enough anxiety to want to be in control of everything. His attitude may be, "I have to stay on top of things. One slip-up and my goose is cooked."

When I became director of the Department of Psychiatry of St. Francis Hospital, I was under a great deal of stress. The demands for service were incessant, and I had to carry the load. On a good night, I was awoken only seven times by nurses or by the emergency room staff. On a bad night, I was awoken fifteen times.

Then Congress passed the Mental Health Act and funded Community Mental Health Centers. Having received a sizable sum of money, I hired several psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers. Alas, the stress increased rather than decreased.

Previously, I had been responsible for only my own actions. Now I was also responsible for those of a large staff.

One day, the administrator met me leaving the hospital. "You look very tired, Dr. Twerski. Perhaps we can get you an assistant." I said, "Sister, one more assistant and I quit!"

Although the staff was competent, it was my neck that was on the block. A wrong medication or the mismanagement of a suicidal threat could result in a serious malpractice suit, in which I, as clinical director, could be held liable. I had to check the medications and disposition of many cases. If the staff felt that I was too controlling, well, that was just too bad.

If your boss is too controlling, think of his position and picture yourself in his place.

After a while, I could see which of the staff was totally reliable, and I did very little checking on them. Look for ways in which the boss will be able to see that you are competent and do not need monitoring. Try to anticipate his monitoring. If you know he is likely to check up on an assignment, try to complete it ahead of schedule and bring it to him. "Here's the report on the Johnston case, Mr. Evans. I think everything is in order, but would you mind looking it over?"

When I served my internship in medicine, I found out who the chief of medicine was on the first day. He was a perfectionist, if not obsessive-compulsive. He was to be my boss for a whole year. Could I put up with it?

I spent an extra hour every day in the medical library, looking up articles in the medical literature about some of the more difficult cases. I photocopied them and gave them to the chief. When I had to report to him on a case, you had better believe I knew everything there was to know about the patient's medical and family history. It took two months for him to build up trust in me, but the rest of the year was a breeze. It was very gratifying when one day he asked me to gather all the information I could about a case that he was to present at a medical conference. I must admit that as difficult as it was to have a compulsive, controlling superior, I probably learned more about medicine than if the chief had been more easy going.

When I had my surgery rotation, there was one surgeon who was a controller, but rather than being afraid of being humiliated or sued for a mistake, I could see that he was genuinely interested in his patients and wanted to make sure that they got the best care. Once I realized his motivation, it was much easier to accept his control.


Shalom!