Coping with Controlling People

[historyteach]

What About the Boss?, Part II
By Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski
Gratefully taken from http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |

O.K. You're working for a company. You may be answerable to the CEO or to a division head. How did these people get to these positions? Unless they were the heirs of the founder, they got there by striving for success at all costs, driving others to outdo the competition, trying to be perfect, trying to look good and accepting responsibilities.

The very traits that catapulted them into being the boss are those that make a person a controller.

O.K., you may understand that. But your boss is driving you nuts by constantly badgering you, constantly checking up on you, repeatedly instructing you to do things his way and refusing to listen to your suggestions. Sometimes this becomes so unbearable that you want to tell him off and quit, but you can't do that because you do not have any other job prospect readily available. So instead you come home grumpy and take it out on the wife and the kids.

Here is a piece of information that may help you better understand the boss and it may also help you discover something about yourself.

As was noted, successful executives may get to their positions by assertiveness and aggressiveness. Think of it this way. You are driving along level land and come to a very steep hill. In order to get up the hill, you must shift into a more powerful gear. After you get to the top of the hill, you are again on level terrain. You wish to switch back to a cruising gear, but the shift is stuck. You have no choice but to travel in the more powerful gear.

The problem is that the more powerful gear cannot reach cruising speeds. It is suitable for a steep climb, but it cannot exceed thirty miles/hour. You cannot travel fast and furthermore, you may wear out the gear by driving long distances.

Similarly, it may require competitiveness and aggressiveness to build up a business. Once this has been achieved, one should be able to switch into "cruising speed." But work habits are hard to break. Although the degree of aggressiveness necessary to get to the top is no longer appropriate, one may not be able to "switch gears."

Using the same techniques one had used in climbing may actually be counterproductive, but it is difficult to change one's habits

Shalom!