Letting Go: The Journey for your Life

[Ann]

Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones


WHAT IS LETTING GO?

Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.

Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.

WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?

We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.

Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."

FEAR OF LETTING GO

To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.

WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST

In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.

Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?

GIVING UP AND LETTING GO

Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.

THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE

Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.

The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.

As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.

AN EXAMPLE

Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.

WHY HANG ON?

We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.

The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.

Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.

Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.

REACTIONS TO LETTING GO

When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.

The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.

The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.

THE RIVER OF LIFE

During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.

There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.

Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.

NOT RESISTING

Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.



Barry Elwin-Jones is a reiki master and offers training in Higher Human Values to both organisations and individuals. The training is aimed at assisting people to recognise and utilise their own inner power. Please visit his website at http://www.lightpaths.com.

[Gabe]

This is the best piece of writing on letting go that I have ever read.
"As I let go, my life became magical."
We do need to put our burdens down.
We do need to quit being victims.
We do need to rearrange the way we think, and make more room in our hearts for joy and light.
Once we quit hanging on to our pain and percieved notions that we live our wounds, we make more room in our lives for the good things.

[Ann]

I really like what it said too, Gabe, especially this part.

Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.

Amen.

Hugs Ann

[indigo]

Thank you Ann

indigo

[Roxy88]

This should be a sticky!!!

[splendra]

I feel very fortunate to have experienced the magic of letting go many times. I also have had times when letting go bought more chaos because I was holding on to a cover that was keeping me from looking at my fears.....

Thank you Ann for posting this amazing article...

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Ann,

nice post

I was forever caring the added wt. around from my divorce for years. Kept me warm in the winter. It wasn't so much that I wasn't tryin to move on in my life, my ex was still bitter and wanted to make me as miserable as she could.

I can't recall if, I prayed for her or, prayed to accept her. When, I read the Daily Reflection last night at the meeting, it all came so clear to me. It's been so long since I had the poison of resentment in me.

thanks,

chris

[Ann]

The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.

Re-reading this today, this paragraph caught my eye. Early in my recovery, and sometimes even today, it was difficult for me to let go and let my life change. With all the chaos, with all the pain, my life as I knew it was familiar and therefore comfortable. I knew how to live the way I was living. My life was predictable, so I knew what to expect. I knew how to treat the pain and regain my strength so I could handle the next round of the same thing.

What slowed my growth was fear of the unknown. I coudn't see where change would take me, and didn't know if I was prepared to deal with new life, new feelings and new actions. Nothing was predictable, and therefore it all felt unsafe.

Two things happened at the same time that helped me with this. I surrendered in exhaustion and went to my first meeting. And there I saw others who had been where I had been, or worse places, and they had something I wanted. I had no idea what it was, but I saw peace and serenity and love on their faces, and I became willing to do whatever it took to get some of that for myself. Blind faith was the only way I could do it.

Letting go, to me today, means sometimes just letting blind faith lead me to wherever I need to be.

Hugs
Ann

[harpo42]

I agree with the idea of letting go, and I feel as though I have come very far in my 16 months of sobriety. But I have problems when it comes to a few points made here:

"We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go."

What if people ask you to fix their problems? Or people are simply unable or unwilling to fix them themsleves? Should I stand by and watch them flounder when I could be offering them a hand? Isn't that selfish to NOT offer to help? To just "let go"?

James 4:17 says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

I am not trying to be a trouble maker here. I am having my own personal issues with my "older and wiser" parents who are putting me in a very awkward position and I keep making excuses to get out of it (such as letting go) but I think it is wrong of me to do that. Shouldn't I, as a human being and a Christian, try to right a bad situation that could get much worse if no one does anything about it?

You may say, "Who is she to say what is right?" but this situation involves a small child and a convicted sexual predator - there is no gray area here. I feel as though to not fix this problem that the people close to me are in is like watching a passenger train about to derail and instead of flipping the switch that could save them, I just stand there and wait for the crash!

I guess I am looking for validation that my stepping in and trying to "control" this situation is not a step in the wrong direction of my recovery and spiritual growth. I get angry and want to walk away every time I speak to my family about it, but I know that they will not correct the situation on their own and have told me that only I can do it (they are afraid of any reprecussions). I am afraid too, but I want to do the right thing.

When does "the right thing" acceptably fly in the face of "letting go"? Or does it ever? I need some advice here.... THANKS!

[reikihelps]

thank you, Ann.
The back of my neck is tense telling me to hang on, go "fix" it, do something. I needed to read this today.
I am relaxing my neck, being not doing, and not getting in the way of my HP.
best,
Reikihelps

[reikihelps]

thank you, Ann.
The back of my neck is tense telling me to hang on, go "fix" it, do something. I can see our A unraveling. I needed to read this today.
I am relaxing my neck, being not doing, and not getting in the way of my HP.
best,
Reikihelps

[reikihelps]

p.s. I shared this article at a small faithsharing group I am in and others found it very helpful and challenging. Thanks again, Ann.

[DanaNicole29]

Ann, that was wonderful! I really need to hear that from time to time! This website is so dang helpful!!

[Jackson]

I have let go and then find myself hanging on again part way into the free fall. I think this comparable to "going to the other side of the river". It is best to not look back! Thanks Ann

[Wolfstarr]

((((Ann)))))

I don't know what prompted me to read this today, but I took the time.
I sit here, with tears of realization flowing. This has been available to me
to read since April 2005. I just read it today. I don't think I was ready for
it in April...
Thanks Ann. The feeling is spiritual and welcoming as I live by my own saying...
Let go or be dragged...
Love you,
Wolfstarr

[willj]

Thank you Ann for passing this to me. Your comments about the shattered comfort zone and the fear of the unknown really hit home. I'm letting go big time right now and it feels REALLY good......except when it doesn't. But every day is a little better. Can hardly wait till tomorrow

[lawrence943]

You know Sue, directions come just when you are ready. Many thanks for submitting this, great directions.

[homesickalien]

thanks so much

Helen
xxx

[Ann]

I'm glad you enjoy the article. I find that I return here to read this over and over, if for no other reason that to keep my perspective and remember what I need to do.

How simple it all sounds. How very long it took me to "get it".

Hugs
Ann

[velvet]

Thanks Ann...as you know I need to read this everyday! I printed it out...will hang it by my dressing table. thanks.

[Yaroslav]

Thank you Helen...

[mindilou]

I found this poem somewhere and really can not remember where it may even have been in this forum, forgive me if I have repeated it but it has helped me very much.




Let Go, Let God —
Fear Less, Love More
(Author Unknown)
To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization that I can’t control another.

To let go is not enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another; it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more.

[rlrich1]

Thankyou for the words of wisdom!
I need to learn to let go...

[mayra]

AWESOME !
God bless you
M.

[Rusty Zipper]

Good Morning ann and all... found this one... so, so true... "Things Happen

A healthy friend dies participating in a sport she loves.
A husband works hard on his marriage only to come home
one day and find his wife in bed with another man.

A knock at the door, and starving family opens it to find
bags of groceries piled anonymously on the porch.
A large order comes in just as a company is getting ready to close its
doors, and the owner's dream is given new life.

Sometimes life twists.
Sometimes it goes the other way, too.
Things happen.
Sometimes we label these events good, sometimes bad.
We cannot always see the reason or purpose in them,
but most of us choose to believe there's a Divine plan.

I don't know why I've received some of the blessings
I've been given;
I don't know why some of the sorrow has come my way.
All I can do is trust that whatever comes my way,
there's a lesson at hand.

Are you focusing on the circumstances of your life
instead of the of lessons?
The circumstances are the tools.
Be involved in them.
Feel the pain of loss and the elation of victory.
Let compassion works its way into your soul.
Learn caring and kindness for others and yourself, too.

Instead of asking why, learn to ask what the lesson is.
The moment you become ready to accept it,
the lesson will become clear.

God, help me accept all the twists and turns along my path.
Help me to say whatever to the good and the
unfortunate incidents that come my way"........... i love you... all good wishes, and teach only love.... Pattee